5 Months 

We survived the 4 month leap/regression! Some milestones to note:

  • Sleeping through the night! No more night feeds. He dropped them on his own at 18 wks. We are now on 12 hr stretches of sleep the past 3 wks. Pretty consistent about going down at 8 & getting up at 8.  He is still sleeping in his dock a tot in our bedroom. I love having him next to me & am in no rush to move him into his crib although I could now. 
  • No teeth yet
  • Drools all the time & puts everything in his mouth 
  • Drinking 8oz bottles about every 4 hrs during the day, for a total of 5 bottles 
  • Breastfeeding just once a day for about 1 hr 
  • Havent started solids yet, but plan to next month as he is showing signs of readiness such as the pincer grip, holding his head up well with no support, watching everything we eat & grabbing for it!
  • Takes 4 naps a day, every 2 hrs like clockwork
  • Is almost 30 inches long! We had to buy his convertible seat this week (Britax Clicktight Boulevard) bc his Keyfit only accomdates up to 30 lbs or 30 in, whichever comes first
  • Was 17 lbs about 2 weeks ago
  • Rolls on side all the time but not back to front yet, only front to back still 
  • Loves music & looking in the mirror 
  • Forward facing in the Ergo now like a big boy! 
  • Getting ready for his first vacation on an airplane in the next few weeks! 

There is nothing that I love more in this world than being his mom 💙

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Happy (1st???) Mothers Day

I heard that quite a few times yesterday. Evoked mixed feelings in me. Part of me said yes, it is my first, the other part of me said no, it isnt my first.

I guess I have a love hate relationship with ‘my first mothers day’ …I love that I finally got to celebrate having my boy here with me, but I hate that my babies that didnt make it didnt get to celebrate it with me. I (literally) shed tears for them.  If that makes any sense at all. 

Social media was flooded with Mothers Day stuff nonstop from Friday on I believe. The remnants are still floating around. I took part in posting some things, because I did have a great weekend & I did enjoy celebrating it. And I fought hard as hell to get here. 

But my heart still went out to all those hurting. I spent many years grieving on this holiday, and like I said, part of me still did mourn. However my miracle made it a joyous day overall for me. I hugged and kissed him a little more than usual (if thats even possible?) & thanked God a million times over. 

A few pics from our weekend-


Thinking of everyone who had a rough few days, the best is yet to come ❤️ 

The End

147 days. Through latching issues, to having a tongue & lip tie clipped, to using a shield for almost 2 months, to a few nasty bouts of thrush, to low supply & taking all sorts of supplements, to an oversupply & an overactive letdown & having to pump all the time, to horrible acid reflux & adding thickening agents to my milk just so he could drink it, to seeing numerous lactation consultants & just trying to make it through the days, one damn day at a time. I breastfed my son for 147 days, just 1 month short of my goal of 6 months. And Im proud. It wasnt easy, perhaps the hardest thing I ever did (other than infertility & loss). In fact, it was harder than laboring for 22 hours with him. Dont get me wrong, it was wonderful at times. Gummy smiles, boob drunk sleeps, breastsleeping. All the feels. I wouldnt change it for the world. But it was so hard. And the world doesnt make it any easier on someone struggling. They are always trying to provide another suggestion or advice, when sometimes what a mom needs is simple understanding. I didnt know how tough quitting would be on me, not just mentally but physically too. Ive experienced withdrawls including headaches, dizziness, nausea. Its no joke. We have been weaning for about 2 weeks now & Ive shed lots of tears. Ive watched him go from eating to just looking for comfort. And although I know without a doubt the timing was right (prolly even sooner than now), it is SO bittersweet. I can only hope that I get to experience this bond again one day. If not, no regrets. 

147 days ❤️

May 2, Past & Present 

May 2, 2016 was the last time I (physically) went to work. At the time I had no idea that would be the last day I walked into my 3rd grade classroom to teach.

I had been bleeding quite a bit over the past weeks since my BFP and figured I was having yet another miscarriage. The pain became overwhelming so I left work and headed to my RE’s office. 

This is what we saw…


Relief. A heartbeat. Followed by horrible news…the other embryo had implanted in my fallopian tube. And it burst. And I was bleeding internally. Things became a blur as I was rushed to the ER for surgery. All I knew is that I had to undergo general anesthesia at just 6 weeks pregnant and was told the chances of the baby in my uterus (who is now sitting next to me) had a small chance of surviving it. I was devastated. I thought not only am I going to lose my tube, but another baby again. 

I came out of the surgery and so did Miracle with his heart still beating. I was told the next 48 hrs were crucial. I was in so much pain I could barely move after the surgery. It was worse than my c-section recovery by far. 48 hrs came & went, and there he was on the screen, still alive. 

We battled subchorionic hemmorages and placenta previa over the next few weeks, with lots of bedrest, but we made it to full term just in time for Christmas. God fulfilled the desires of our hearts as He promised He would.

Here we are in the present, May 2, 2017. If I had chosen to return to work from my FMLA leave it would have been today that I went back. I thought I might have mixed feelings about not being there when the day came, but I feel peace. I even had a cardinal and a butterfly visit my yard at the same moment and I like to think it was Isaac’s twin stopping by for a visit to let me know he or she is alright.

I know here at home with my boy is where I want to be. And might I add that while I always knew teaching was challenging, I had no clue that being a stay at home mom was even harder. Its by far the hardest job I have ever had, yet the most rewarding. Ill leave it at this—Stay at home moms dont get enough credit! Shoutout to my mom who stayed home with my brother & I…I get it now. 

4 Months 

Blowing raspberries is our new favorite thing to do! 

  • Miracle is making a few consonant sounds such as “ma” and “da” on occasion
  • He enjoys squealing very loud
  • Everything goes straight to the mouth, and Im thinking teething could be soon. In fact, I see little white teeth under some of his gums so Im curious how far out it could be? 
  • He doesnt care to be held much, he would rather stretch out on his back or be on his tummy
  • Napping in the Ergo pleases him 
  • He is no longer swaddled during the night, just for a few naps here & there 
  • His favorite place to nap is still on his Boppy pillow (which his legs now hang off of because he is so long)
  • We are sleeping from about 9pm to 2am, and then back to sleep from about 3am to 7am (give or take) in the DockaTot. Side note-We LOVE the Dock & wish I would have had it from the get go! 
  • Baby eats about 6 oz of breastmilk every 3-4 hrs. We will find out what he weighs next week! 
  • We are almost out of size 2 diapers & currently in 6 mo clothes 
  • He is pushing his body up with his feet now when on his back so perhaps rolling back to front will happen soon?
  • We had our pictures taken with the Easter bunny & didnt shed a tear, all smiles
  • Isaac is a very happy baby, and doesnt really cry unless he is hungry or tired or bored. Even that is seldom.

This time last year I was in the 2 week wait from our 4th FET, the one that brought him here. Crazy how much can change in 1 year! I will leave you with a few Timehop memories of lucky transfer day #4 from April 7, 2016…

More Firsts

This wont be a teribbly long post, but a few things have happened this week I dont want to forget. And although I am keeping a baby book, it simply doesnt allow enough space for everything! 

At 14 weeks, Isaac has now started showing interest in his stuffed animals. Every morning he spends time talking to them in his crib. I surround him with a variety of them to keep him occupied as I wash bottles, take care of the dogs, and such. Side note- not to worry he isnt sleeping with a bunch of stuffed animals. His favorite seems to be a bright yellow chick-a-dee his nanna bought him long before he was born.   Runner up is a turtle I bought him when pregnant.

He is also determined to watch TV. For about a month now I have noticed him glancing at it, but in the past week he has really locked in on it. So much that I have to turn it off if he is napping in the living room. He has been watching March Madness with his dad mostly. When he was in his little Fisher Price chair, I placed him in front of the TV & flipped to PBS kids just to see how he would react and he seemed to like it. I think I will put on the baby DVD set I got him soon and see how it goes. By no means do I want him in front of a TV all day, but on the other hand I do believe there are programs that educate littles and provide value. As a former teacher, I used such technology in moderation to engage my students and always saw a positive results. I plan to do the same for my son.

Miracle attended his first music and movement class this week. The class is designed for 3-11 month olds, yet he was the youngest one there. Most of the babies were 6+ and able to sit and crawl. All of the moms were nice (although you could tell somewhat in a clique) and it was neat to see how my baby reacted to all the other babies and instruments in the class. The class lasted an hour, and during that time he didnt cry, instead he ate once, smiled, stared at all the stimuli, did some tummy time, and finally, out of pure exhaustion, fell asleep. Overall it was a good experience, and the plan is to try the library next week. They offer storytime for 0-12 mo olds once a week. Isaac has been listening to stories since he was a week old, and he is very interested in books now. His favorites are Peek-a-Who, Curious George, The Hungy Caterpillar, & Let’s Talk. This being said, I think he will love storytime with other babies. And even if he doesnt, I think getting out and trying things is important to his development so it is worth a shot. 

Another first. LO stayed awake the entire time we were in Target the other day. In the past, he has slept the entire time on trips like this so mommy used them for an easy nap. This trip he was amazed at everything and couldnt keep his eyes off the shelves. So much for guaranteed naps at Target! Lol. 

I am loving everyminute as I watch him change & grow from a tiny newborn into a baby with personality. Hard to believe this time last year we were just 1 week away from our (3rd) FET that would bring us him. Keep the faith ladies, miracles do happen! 

2 Years Ago

A few days ago, Word Press reminded me that I started this blog 2 years ago this March. 


2 years ago at this time I was on a medical leave from my position teaching Fourth Grade. I had just had my 3rd IVF miscarriage at 10 weeks pregnant. I was beyond devastated. I chopped off my hair and got 2 tattoos within weeks. I wanted to morph into a different person but I soon realized that wasn’t possible. 

So during my medical leave, I decided I had to find other ways to cope other than taking scissors to my hair or ink to my body.  With the encouragement of close friends & family, I started this blog as an outlet. Up until that time (March 2015), we were quiet about our infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss struggles. Only those closest to us knew we had been trying to conceive for close to 7 yrs, had underwent both his & her surgeries, failed IUIs, IVF cycles, and miscarried 6 embryos with 2 still frozen. 

It felt SO amazing to come out of what I like to call the “infertility closet.” I decided from the start not to make my blog anonymous, to even link it to my FB page. I wanted the world to know that I was not a mean bitch when I didnt come to your baby shower, or your kid’s 1st birthday…or when I walked away as you gleefully told everyone what gender you were expecting. I wanted them to know that I had just learned we lost another baby, a healthy baby boy with no explanation. That I just had a D & C for the fourth time. That we had just thrown another 10,000 down the drain. That I wasnt being lazy when I called into work sick yet again. I wanted to be understood finally!

And I was. In fact, I had more than one person tell me that they had misjudged me before they knew our story.  To think if I had never started sharing they would have never knew the real me, well I cant even imagine that now. 

To some, I might share too much, but I have found being an open (and honest) book is what works. To ME, it is far better than leading a life no one knows exists.  That said, I found it pretty cool to see how much this blog has been a part of my life…


You can see that when at the lowest point in our journey (March 2015-June 2015), I was sometimes blogging multiple times a day. Sure, things have changed now, but I am still proud to say I havent missed a month. I guess you could say blogging is sort of therapy for me. 

Here’s to another 2 years Word Press!