Tips NeededĀ 

Okay ladies! Its time for you to give me all the tips you have on intramuscular  injections like PIO and Del Estrogen.  I know if anyone has the best kept secrets its you all! Most doctors and nurses havent had those shots injected into their own ass, and although they give valuable tips, they are just not as valuable as yours Im sure. Experience is everything here! 

I did notice that my calendar says to do the PIO shots in the a.m. Im not sure why and need to ask.  Anyone else had the same? Might be an issue in the morning with mine and hubbys schedule if he has to do them for me. Anyone out there do their own PIO or Del injections? I must admit I did my own ass trigger shot because I hated the idea of someone else doing it for me. Although I pulled it off, it wasnt easy to do by any means. 

Until the Lupron Depot shots Ive had the past few months, no one had ever injected me in the butt. Lol.  Id much rather do my own shots, but I have a feeling its not going to be possible with these two. Can I do them myself? And what about heat, ice, position, etc.? Please inform! 

Keep in mind I have never done either of these two intramuscular injections before (just the trigger) so no info will be silly to me. All will be considered and appreciated.  I have only done Crinone with Vivelle/Estrace for my prior 3 transfers. Im thinking I will have my nurse mark the areas to aim for with a marker before I do the first one on my own?

Thanks in advance for taking the time to educate me in this area!

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Special Delivery!

All of our goodies arrived via overnight this a.m. We gave each other the look when the doorbell rang and we received the box.  

The conversation that followed went something like this-

Me: Do you want to open it now?

Him: Sure! Im excited, are you? 

Me: Sort of, but Im nervous too.  Maybe we should wait to open it.

Him: Okay. 

Me: Nevermind, lets open it now.  Will you open it?

Him: Alright (starts opening it)

Hubs went through the prescription list, checking off each item as I pulled them out of the box. Everything was correct!

   
 
I cant believe we are doing this again. And with all these needles this time (so huge they are!). Ill be good though, not too worried about the needles. After I get over the initial injections, it will be fine.

I just want this all to work! I start my meds tomorrow, so today I will enjoy our last day/night pre-cycle, which might include some wine! 

A Mothers Intuition

I have been confiding in hubby lately about a hunch I have been having. Maybe I could call it my motherly intuition?  

Recently, I feel very strongly that when we do eventually have our baby, it will be a girl

This thought may seem silly, or even superficial to some (trust me its not), but it has randomly been popping into my mind a lot the past few months. When it happens (usually out of nowhere), I catch myself smiling from ear to ear.  The weird rush that comes over me when it crosses my mind is hard to explain. I feel so full inside. 

Ive never had an intense feeling of the gender of our child before actually being pregnant with he or she. Completely clueless, in fact.  Only after finding out I was with child did I get the intuition of our babys sex and it prove correct. 

I have never been set on having a girl either, so Im not sure where this is all coming from.  Since our troubles TTC, all Ive prayed (and still do) for a healthy baby over and over.

Maybe its nothing, but I still want this inkling of mine on the record, and now it is šŸ’—

Calendar is Up!Ā 

I got my FET calendar today! So excited! I start meds (Lupron sub-q) this Sunday…ahhhh!!!!

My Hysteroscopy is this coming week so its all starting to feel so real again so fast. I will go for pre-op bloodwork tomorrow or Thursday. 

I just got off the phone ordering everything from the pharmacy that will get me from now until our pregnancy test. Cant believe we are almost there!

  

Bible Verses to Keep Close

None of us understand why we have to suffer in life.  Repeatedly suffering is even more confusing and frustrating, depressing, and heartbreaking.  During this roller coaster ride my husband and I have been on, I have gone through many different phases in my relationship with God.  We have had our fair share of ups and downs, as I’m sure anyone who has been through trauma can relate with.

I have been collecting bible verses over the years that hold a lot of meaning to me and keeping them in my paper journal.  I reference them from time to time, and they comfort me and help me keep my faith.  I think that others struggling (with anything in life, not just IF or RPL) might find them useful, so today I am sharing them.

The Future

John 15:7- If you remain in me, and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you.

Proverbs 16:3-Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.

Jeremiah 29:11-“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

God’s Timing

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8-There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:11-He has made everything beautiful in his time.

Trials

James 1:2-4-Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Phillippians 4:13-I can do all things through him who gives me strength.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10-But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest upon me.  That is why, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Faith

Matthew 19:26-With God, all things are possible.

2 Corinthians 5:1-I will walk by faith even when I cannot see.

Genesis 1:28-Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply.”

Sorrow

Revelations 21:4-“And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

Psalm 30:5-Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Matthew 11:28-30-“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

 

Fear

Phillippians 4:6-Be anxious for nothing.

Proverbs 3:5-6-Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Psalm 23:4- Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.

 

The Infertile MotherĀ 

After our first IVF and subsequent loss, I started to think about how it would be nice to stay at home with our child for the first few years of their life should we ever have one.  

By the time our 3rd transfer and 2 more losses occurred, I no longer was just considering being a stay at home mommy should we have a child, I was set on it. After all the trauma, I couldnt (and wouldnt) even ponder the idea of going back to work after a short maternity leave. 

Note: Im well aware all mothers struggle with going back to work after they have a child. I get it.  But Im going to be brutally honest here and share my inner thoughts on the topic (some might not want to hear them, if thats you, stop reading!) 

I feel like after all the injections, pills, surgeries, procedures, thousands upon thousands of dollars, tests, pregnancies, losses, bloodwork, scans, and appointments that I earned the right to stay at home with our awaited baby longer than the normal amount of time.  I didnt just accidentally get pregnant, I didnt just try a few times, get pregnant and deliver. In fact, I didnt even try for many years, get pregnant and deliver.  I didnt undergo the all mighty IVF and achieve success the first few times either! 

After everything I have given and lost, how could I NOT stay home with this child for a few, measly years??? Come on!

It wasnt until this year, 2016 (1 full year after out 3rd loss), that I have begun seriously considering going back to work after a maternity leave.  I must say I have even surprised myself (and hubby) with this new state of mind.  

Some background on my career-I am a teacher. I have been teaching for 6 years now, 5 years in 4th grade and 1 (this year) in 3rd grade.  I love working with kids and watching them grow, probably one of the reasons I want to be a mommy so bad. I also enjoy working with adults, teaching at the local college. I guess I just enjoy learning and teaching, and teaching and learning! I have my Masters and dream about getting my Doctorate eventually. 

I have always liked to succeed at my job, I dont mind working hard, giving 110%, or putting in extra hours. But infertility and pregnancy loss took a lot from me in 2014 and 2015. It didnt happen overnight, it was sucked out of me little by little, day by day. I didnt want any of my career anymore–I just wanted our baby. These diseases can change so much. Its nuts. 

However, my outlook right now is that I would like our baby, and my career. You know…kind of like a normal person!?! Im not sure if this will change. It very well could. But right now I am getting my self back I think.  I want it to stay that way. I hope it does. The group of adults I work with this year have made it really easy for me. I am blessed with where I am at right now career wise, and I would love to keep my position and have a smiling (sometimes crying!) baby to come home to everyday.

I know juggling a career and a baby wont be easy. But being a stay at home mom sure wont be either. Both deserve all sorts of props if you ask me.  And having a baby wont be all rainbows and unicorns anyway it is sliced, but finally, I feel ready for the challenge of having that family/work balance in my future should I be so fortunate. And for that, I am proud of myself!

Care PackagesĀ 

I have grown to know such wonderful women through this blog. I think about all of you so frequently, wondering how you are doing regardless of where you are in this journey. I look forward to reading your posts everyday, even if I dont always comment on them. I anticipate our conversations and the advice, hope, and encouragement you all offer. 

Recently, I have realized that I do not have many of your addresses.  In fact, I only have 1 fellow bloggers address who I sent a baby bible to, she never got the package, and I never got it back either. I was so upset, but I learned my lesson, and from now on I will keep my receipt, get tracking of some sort or pay with my debit card instead of cash.  

I found much joy in getting her something special that it made me really start contemplating how wonderful it would be to surprise a fellow blogger with a care package from time to time, whether it be during a treatment cycle, suffering a loss, celebrating a new baby, enduring motherhood troubles, or simply just to brighten a day. I think several of you in this community blogging for some time have already been doing this, what a great idea. I love to give to others anytime I can, one of the reasons I love Christmas time so much I think.

Of course, I know some people like to keep their home address and/or name private, totally understandable. I am picky about who I give mine out to as well. If you are comfortable with it and dont mind receiving a little surprise from me one day, please email me your info (blogging name, real name, address) at angvfish@icloud.com

Looking forward to spreading some  sunshine!