Double Digits

Well, we made it. 10 weeks tomorrow! The farthest we have come without bad news. Today was another ultrasound of baby, and it was perfect.

Baby measured on track and the heartbeat was still around 175 bpm! Its amazing to see the progress every week. Miracle has grown so much. 

As my RE scanned me, we were all chatting, and everytime I would laugh, miracle would wiggle around more. It was awesome! Next week will be my last scan with my RE and then I will be graduated to solely my OB’s office. I will miss them all so much. 

We got the Panorama blood test done & will have the results back in about 10-14 days. I asked them to not tell me the gender when they call, instead I will pick it up in an envelope. Then hubby & I will do something special and reveal together!  So excited, however I am nervous about the genetics piece of the test, but we have already decided that no matter what we will love this baby to the moon and back.  

Symptoms? 

Hunger! Hunger! And more hunger! I think I am actually starting to show a bit. Probably due to how much I have been eating. I mostly crave spicy and salty stuff, but every so often sweets hit the spot too. Some burping here & there. Peeing quite often, swollen boobs, & gas. Tired and thirsty. Seems like nothing satisifies my thirst. I am not complaining about any of these, in fact I love every single symptom and hate when they are not around. Praying for another week down in the books!!! 

A Good Day

The title pretty much says it all. Our 9 week check up was today. As usual, I did not want to go, and had prepared myself the best I could for bad news. My symptoms have been coming & going and that scared me due to our previous missed miscarriage around this time. 

But God is good! Miracle is still going strong, with a heartrate of 174bpm now. Baby was upside down & wiggling all around, so amazing to watch. After my RE checked babys measurements and such, she checked my cervix length, and the SCH. The subchorionic that had tripled in size last week was gone. Gone. Thank you God. She was amazed and thrilled at the same time. Then she asked if we could look at baby again just to look, adding in how we have been through so much and its just nice to watch it. Of course I said YES!!! She pointed out the head, arms, stomach, feet, and umbilical cord. We listened to the heartbeat again and got more pics. I couldnt have asked for more today.

My RE does want me to continue bedrest for 1 more week to be safe, along with triple progesterone therapy since it has seemed to help the SCH. Im actually going to be on progesterone until July, when I am about 16 weeks along. We will wean slowly off each of the 3, starting in June. Again, just to be safe. Im totally fine with it, although I have started to lose feeling in my tailbone/upper butt region from all the injections. 

And although we have a long ways to go, we celebrate today. And we continue to pray for our rainbow baby. Thank you to everyone who is praying for us everyday, please keep doing so. 

Bedrest

I have officially been on bedrest for only 14 days, but if you count in the bedrest after the embryo transfer (+48 hours) and all the bleeding episodes, I would guess I am up to about 25 days of it or so. And I suspect the rest will continue until the 2nd trimester. 

So what am I doing all day to keep my sanity? Well, it depends on the day. Some days I read my “Expecting Hope After Pregnancy Loss” book which helps calm me down a bit. Other times when I want to distract myself, I have been reading the rather thick Nicholas Sparks novel, “See Me.” Ive also spent some time flipping through glam magazines and the such from a care package I received a few weeks ago. Speaking of care packages, another one arrived today. The charm is simply perfect and Im grateful to know I am in anothers thoughts and prayers during this tough time. 

To relax, I spend time listening to my Circle + Bloom pregnancy CD, and watching cheesy lifetime movies. My mom visits almost daily, and I have gone to her house a few times as well. In my other time, I sit on the patio with the dogs (who are highly enjoying me being home all the time), surf the web pinning cute baby things, and stuffing my face! I would have to say the thing I miss the most is taking hot baths. Boy, do I want to submerge myself in one. 

I started the triple progesterone therapy last week, even though my level came back at a whopping 84 prior to starting. Its kind of a pain doing the Crinone again (yuk), and Im hoping that at our appt this week the SCH will be gone and we can just do the oral meds and the shots. 

I will be 9 weeks this Friday. I am very nervous of another missed miscarriage. I have felt nauseous on and off today more than usual so that comforts me a bit. Anytime I feel lousy I am pleased. Hubby “checks” my boobs everyday to make sure they are still swollen. As he says, ‘the boobs dont lie.’ 

If all goes well this week, next week we will be getting the Panorama blood test done. It will take about 2 weeks to get our results in. This is the only test we have opted to do, as it is supposedly about 99.9% accurate for genetic anomalies. It will also tell us the gender of the baby. We had originally planned to do a gender reveal party, but I go back and forth with the idea of it. I guess we will decide soon. I still havent taken 1 “bump” picture. I am pretty sure Im going to wait until 12 weeks or so. 

Yea, this post is all over the place just like me right now. Keep us in your prayers please!!

To Doppler or Not?

Okay ladies! I would like to get your thoughts on purchasing a doppler in a few weeks. Its still too early now for me (Im 8w1d), but I am thinking ahead a bit.

I know some of you absolutely love them for peace of mind, but then I have read about how some of you have worried even more with one because you cant find a heartbeat. 

Here are my questions for those of you who have used at home dopplers-

• How far along were you when you were able to consistently locate the heartbeat? I really dont want to use one before that time frame and increase my anxiety by not hearing a heartbeat. 
• What doppler brand did you use and recommend? 
• Are there instructions on how to use these dopplers? If not, share your secrets on how please. 

Of course, tell me anything else I should know about this topic. Im currently very torn on getting one or not! Thank you in advance. 

Triple That Please

Today was our 7w6d checkup at the RE. I will admit-I have been so nervous yesterday & today leading up to it. I had pretty much been in a funk & convinced myself it was over. 

The good news?? Miracle is still going strong, measuring right on track with a heartrate of 157bpm! Thank God. 

The not so good news??? My subchorionic has almost tripled in size since last week. My RE wasnt too happy about it, and said my bedrest must continue. I guess there is a new study that has just been done (paper hasnt even been published yet) on how “triple progesterone” therapy may help these bleeds. This means I would not only be doing my daily PIO injections, but daily oral and vaginal progesterone as well. My progesterone levels have always been up to par, however from what I have been told, some studies are now showing that even though the blood level comes back normal there could be an underlying progesterone absorption issue. Who knows! I do know I trust my RE (I think she almost wants this as bad as we do) and I also know there is no harm in extra progesterone treatment.  That being said, I have already started this “triple” treatment and changed my prenatal. My RE said DHA can be shown to thin the blood slightly, so I am now on a prenatal with no DHA. 

I know these bleeds are quite common and do not necessarily mean the worst. But of course, my mind tends to go in that direction because of our history of loss. Id really love to hear all the *positive* success stories from ladies who have experienced SCH’s during their pregnancies. Did you bleed it out? Did your body reabsorb it? Did it stick around your entire pregnancy? 

Please no negative stories, Im too fragile for that right now and would like to focus on the blessing growing inside me. 

Heterotopic Pregnancy Awareness

Since my near death experience, and the loss of yet another pregnancy, I have been thinking about if there is some good that could come from it all (other than the beautiful life still inside of my uterus of course). 

Although I do not know the exact answer as to why it all happened to me, and likely never will, I do know that it is now my responsibility to bring awareness to this rare, dangerous condition.  

When I first started experiencing spotting that Thursday morning, I was just 1 day short of 5 weeks pregnant. It was initially light, and mostly brown. I didnt think much of it. I chalked it up to implantation bleeding since it was so early on.  

We had just transferred two beautiful embryos 14 days prior and had received the news it worked. Our betas that week came back very high. We all (doctor included) immediately thought twins. We were thrilled. 

The spotting continued and started to turn to pink and red bleeding. By Sunday, I was experiencing sharp, shooting pains on my left side (posterior) by my hip. I called the on call service at my clinic and they set me up an appointment for Monday morning. I was sure I was miscarrying again. 

Monday morning I went in for an ultrasound. My RE was on vacation so my nurse performed the scan. I was just 5 weeks and 3 days, so there was very well a possibility of seeing nothing. But she did see one gestational and yolk sac. I was initally surprised by only one, especially with my high numbers and transferring 2. She reminded me that by next week we could see the other sac since it was so early on. The scan was over with in a few minutes, and she reassured me that bleeding early on in pregnancy is common. 

I went on my way, grateful that I had a life growing inside of me and that I hadnt miscarried. The bleeding didnt stop though. Within 2 days it was gushing out of me. I went in for a blood test to make sure my levels werent dropping. They were perfect. 

Over the next few days, I bled, passing a few clots and just feeling off. Something didnt seem right. I was 6 weeks and 2 days when things took a turn for the worse. I woke up in the middle of the night to a sharp, stabbing, shooting pain like I had never felt before. Again, it was on my left posterior side by my hip. This time though, a week later, it was much more intense. I got up, and tried to make it to the bathroom as I was seeing stars. It felt as if I had too much to drink and the room was spinning. I was either miscarrying or dying in my mind. I puked in my mouth. It was awful. 

I called the doctor (who was now back in town) the next morning. By this time, I could barely move. It felt as if I was being crushed. I couldnt even take a deep breath. She told me to come in right away. 

Immediately she saw a beating heart. I was happy but knew something still was not right. This time, instead of telling me bleeding is common early on, she started to really scan me. She was in there for about 10 minutes at least, having me move certain ways and such. 

At that point it became clear-our other embryo had implanted into my left tube. It had now ruptured and I was bleeding internally. Blood was all thoughout my stomach, up to my liver. She gave it one more day and I would have been gone. 

The point of me sharing this is to help someone out there. Not once, did anyone, myself included, consider that I could have had a tubal pregnancy until it ruptured. Especially since I had a uterine pregnancy. I do believe if the uterine pregnancy wasnt there, it would have been found sooner. All the signs of a tubal pregnancy were there but we were all blinded. 

In my case, things worked out for the best. My RE was able to remove my tube and save me and my uterine pregnancy. Had my nurse found it when my RE was out of town, I dont know how it would have played out. I know my RE is the only one I wanted operating on me, hence God works in mysterious ways. 

Heterotopic pregnancies via IVF are a 1 in 10,000 occurrence. In natural pregnancies, I believe it is even more rare, not sure of the exact number, something like 1 in 30,000. Many are under the impression that IVF cannot result in a tubal pregnancy, which is simply not the case. When an IVF transfer is done, the embryos are placed into the uterus through a catheter. Hubby & I watched this happen on the screen as little white dots. Once in the uterus, they are basically floating around, looking for a spot to implant. They can go wherever they please. 

In no way am I a doctor, but here are some signs that I feel should not be ignored or accepted as common, especially after placing 2 embryos in the uterus and getting back extremely high betas-

• Continous bleeding that starts as spotting, goes from brown to pink to red and back again 
• Sharp shooting pains in the hips on the posterior side 
• Vision obscured 
• Having difficulty breathing
• Feeling that something is just not right (listen to your body!) 

I hope I can turn our sadness to some good, and that this post can save someones life, their tube, their baby, whatever it might be. 

First OB Appointment

Today was our first OB appointment with this pregnancy. Last pregnancy we also made it to our first OB appointment, only a week later to be devastated with a missed miscarriage. 

The timeline of our last pregnancy has been haunting me a bit this week. I think a lot of it has to do with the dates starting to overlap…like our last pregnancy our 8 and a half week ultrasound was great, but at our 9 and half week appt there was no heartbeat.  Our 8 week ultrasound is approaching this week and I cant help but be incredibly nervous. I cant fathom bad news. 

Anyways, today’s appointment was pretty run of the mill. Bloodwork, urine sample, paperwork. My urine showed I am slightly dehydrated, which is my fault. I know I havent been drinking as much as I should. With the stomach wounds, I have been trying to limit the amount of up and down movement each day. More water=more up & down. But I am feeling much better surgery wise, so I will make more effort in the H20 department now. 

We were able to set up our 12 week doppler scan in a month, and also the Panorama blood test. Ive set both of these up before and had to cancel due to loss, so of course I was hesitant. Yes, part of me is extremely excited, but I dont want my heart broken into a million pieces again. 

In healing news, two of my bandages fell off as the RE said they would, only 1 left and its the big daddy so I suspect it will be around a bit longer. I have had very light brown spotting when I wipe the past 2 days again ((sigh)), but I am trying simply to ignore it. I am not sure if its leftover from the surgery (which I was told could be very likely to happen) or if its from the SCH. Who knows at this point. 

Since I have been bedridden, we have hired a cleaning lady. We talked about this in the past, and decided now would be the time to do it. We both like a clean house, and I simply cannot do it right now. My husband tries his best, but it is too much for just him. It is his busy time at work now and there is just no way. This being said, she starts Wednesday and I hope she is good and can continue throughout the duration of our pregnancy.

Mothers Day was strange for me this year. I wasnt really sure how to act. It was my first one pregnant, as the past few years I have been recovering from IVF losses. Those sad thoughts stayed with me through most of the day although I tried my best to stay positive about the life growing inside me. Pregnancy after loss is hard, but my mom & I spent the day watching a movie, ordering take out, & making the best of it all. Im so glad I have her. Things could be a lot worse and in no way do I want to sound ungrateful, because that is far from the case. 

Any symptoms, etc?

Itchy on my stomach this week (have heard sometimes thats a pregnancy thing), cravings, tired, thirsty in the middle of the night, and swollen boobs. Ive gained 5 pounds in a week…Im sure its a combo of the bedrest and cravings. Oh well, they didnt seem to concerned today about it. I still cant bring myself to do bumpdates yet even though I think about them frequently. 

Prayers this week for a strong, growing baby!!!

A Miracle in the Making

I wont keep anyone waiting for this update, because I know how many of you have reached out over the past few days with prayers and support and are following along.  

We went in today for my 7 week ultrasound (well, 6w6d) and my post-op. I was very nervous to go, and told hubby I didnt even want to go at one point. My nerves were confirmed by my blood pressure reading before the scan. It was off the chart. 

Right away, my RE was able to find the heartbeat! It had increased from 115bpm to 130bpm as it should. Baby measured exactly on track. We listened for awhile and just held hands and smiled. I thanked God out loud & said what a miracle.

She then checked my incisions and said things appear to he healing as they should. We looked over all the gory pics from the operation as well. Yuk! Lastly, she noticed 2 small subchorionic bleeds during the scan and wants me on bedrest until my next scan at 8 weeks. So I got a doctors note, hubby took it to my job, and we are all set there. Im going to do my best not to worry about these bleeds. I know how common they are, and that baby has shown to be a fighter so far. We can only pray baby stays this way!

Thanks to my wonderful co-workers/friends, I have some reading to keep me company over the next week or so! They put together a lovely care package for me and had flowers delivered. Feeling incredibly blessed today. 

Recovery

I am still in a lot of shock about what has happened. However, I think I am recovering pretty well. Thank you to everyone who has reached out, and I havent had the chance to reply to yet. 

Today is the first day I can shower since the operation, which is good news. We were able to change the bandages yesterday and ice the wounds which felt nice. Mom & hubby have been caring for me around the clock. Sleeping has been tough because I cant really move much. Its getting a little better each day though. Lets just say the ass shots havent been the easiest either, its like just stab me & get it over with because I cant roll over or lay on my stomach. 

Yesterday I got to the kitchen table on my own and ate lunch there which is progress (I had only been eating in bed).  Im also getting up and down on my own to pee now. Speaking of peeing, after surgery I couldnt pee easily at all. I had to run the water for a few minutes before it would come. Its now coming on its own! No blood or cramping, thank God.

My RE called to check on me yesterday. I told her the pain is localized to the stomach where Im cut. She thought it was excellent news that I wasnt having any cramping in my uterus as far as miracle baby goes. We will see for sure tomorrow. Such a big day. 

It is starting to sink in more mentally that we lost another pregnancy. Whether in the tube or not. She did tell me there was no heartbeat in that baby. It still hurts though. A loss is a loss. Im sure Ill be sorting through these feelings for awhile to come. Im praying that after this loss and the loss of my tube, that our miracle stays with us. Another loss would be just devastating. 

1 in 10,000

Well, yesterday was quite a day to say the least. As we all know by now, I had been spotting/bleeding/whatever you want to call it, for about 10 days. My betas all came back normal-805 at 10dpt6dt, 2500 at 12dpt6dt, 5100 at 14dpt6dt, and 23,000 at 19dpt6dt.  My progesterone levels always looked great at > 30.  We saw a gestational sac, yolk sac, & fetal pole at 5w3d. We also saw no evidence of a SCH, or any other reason for the blood. 

That brings us to Sunday night. Around 10 pm, I started experiencing sharp, stabbing pains on my left side. I got up and headed to the bathroom, sure I was losing our baby. I almost threw up on the way to the bathroom, and I literally saw stars and felt the room spinning. I wasnt bleeding heavily, so I tried to chalk it up and decided to deal with it in the morning. 

I barely slept because of the pain, and when morning came, I felt as if I had 200 pounds sitting on top of me. I couldnt even take a deep breath. My RE said to come in right away. My mom drove me down, and I was prepared once again to hear the worst. But to our lovely surprise, there was baby, with its little heart beating away, at just over 115 bpm. I couldnt believe my eyes or ears, I just thanked the Lord over & over.  

Shortly after the amazing news, the  investigation began. My RE wanted to search around a little and see if she could find where the source of the bleeding/pain was coming from. I knew something was wrong because her & the nurse kept looking, pointing, and talking, and the scan was taking much longer than it ever does (about 10 minutes).  

Finally, she told me the news. The other embryo we had transferred had implanted in my left tube. I had a heterotopic (uterine & tubal) pregnancy, a 1 in 10,000 occurrence. I sat in shock and disbelief as she showed us the screen.  Was this really happening???

She could see blood in my stomach, all the way up to my rib cage under my liver. It had ruptured and I was bleeding internally, hence the horrific pain and bleeding. She started talking crazy about maternal death, and saving my life, and by then, I was just zoning in and out.  She said I needed to go to the ER immediately for her to operate. I was losing my left tube, and another baby. 

At this point, there was no other option. My focus shifted solely to whether or not our other baby in utero would make it. There was a 5-10% chance it wouldnt survive the surgery. Its all I could think about, even though I was technically dying myself. We rushed over to the ER, and they started all the business. EKG, bloodwork, another ultrasound, paperwork of history, etc. 

They went over receiving a blood transfusion with me, should I need one. We discussed the safest anesthesia I could get pregnant. My husband and my mom prayed with me and I was wheeled off. Did I forget to mention it was to the same room I had my D & C from our last baby?? I was out pretty quick thankfully. 

The surgery lasted a good hour and a half. My RE went in through my stomach laprascopically, and made 3 incisions. She did have to remove my left tube entirely. They also removed 150 cc of blood from inside my stomach and other locations, saving my life. 

When I woke up, I heard the best news…baby in utero still had a strong heartbeat after the surgery!!  Thank you, Jesus! My RE informed us that the 48 hours following surgery would play a significant role in baby making it or not. We go back Thursday to see. 

I am surviving now. The pain is pretty intense, but its localized to the stomach area where I was cut. Peeing and moving are the worst. I have already stopped bleeding and have no pains or uterus cramps. I was so scared I would wake up with them from the surgery but I didnt. My RE said she never went near my uterus. Another miracle. 

I am taking vicodin only as needed, and I must be out of work for a week or so on bedrest.  Im really still in shock, but incredibly grateful for listening to my body, having a wonderful medical staff, & a fighting baby still inside of me.  

Our due date is set for 12-25-16. A Christmas miracle. Praying every minute  we make it.