FET #3: Stims Day 1-4

I have tried to set a daily (home) routine for this cycle. So far stims days 1-4 have gone like this:

Before work:

• Wake up & make a vanilla flavored protein shake containing acai, maca, pomegranate, bananas, avocado, & almond milk. Sounds like a lot of random stuff mixed together, but its actually really tasty and filling! 
• Take all oral meds (Estrace, baby aspirin, prenatal)
• Do Lupron stomach injection 
• Today was the first day I cut out coffee! 

After work:

• Cook a healthy dinner
• Take a candlelight bubble bath while drinking my raspberry leaf tea (2 cups per night)
• Read our couples devotional together 
• Listen to my Circle + Bloom meditation CD as I put my legs up the wall (fell asleep like this the other night)

 

• Do ass injection (only every 3 days for now). Have 2 down so far. Bled during 2nd one. Ugh. 
• Early bedtime!

Tonight I went to acupuncture for the first time during this FET cycle. Ive done it during all our prior cycles. Its a must for me! Ill be going weekly for now. I go to the same lady each time. She goes the extra mile for me, massages my neck and feet, helps me with visualization, and so on. Tonight she asked me if it will be a girl or a boy, and I told her GIRL for sure! She smiled. 

Overall, I feel pretty good. Headaches here and there since the estrogen started this week, and some emotional bits too. Hopefully I can keep that under wraps and not fly off the handle completely. I went from being in a menopausal state for months, to the polar opposite. I dont think it helps either that our state testing is in about a week. Kids are stressed to the max and so I am.  

Ready for April to be here already! 

3 More Sleeps

Until my (hopefully last) Hysteroscopy. It may seem almost pointless to some to even do it at this point; I have already started the suppression part of my cycle with Lupron injections, ordered all my other meds, and paid for the FET itself. Why bother putting me into a drug induced state again to see what my cavity looks like? 

Simple-we just want to know what we are dealing with. Thats it. We all have already agreed we are moving forward regardless of if the mass is completely gone or not, so its not about that. Although it would be nice to know that the treatment the past several months did work if it did. I cant imagine not finding that much out.

Anyways, I have my outfit (socks & lucky fertility bracelet included) all picked out for my procedure…how sad is this that Im now into infertility fashion? I guess a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. Lol. Will post some pics of this attire after the procedure to bring you a few smiles. 

Oh, and is it pathetic that Im looking forward to the day off and the loopiness that comes along with all the poking and proding? No nervousness at all, Im ready for the twilight. This aint my first rodeo… Bring it on! 

Special Delivery!

All of our goodies arrived via overnight this a.m. We gave each other the look when the doorbell rang and we received the box.  

The conversation that followed went something like this-

Me: Do you want to open it now?

Him: Sure! Im excited, are you? 

Me: Sort of, but Im nervous too.  Maybe we should wait to open it.

Him: Okay. 

Me: Nevermind, lets open it now.  Will you open it?

Him: Alright (starts opening it)

Hubs went through the prescription list, checking off each item as I pulled them out of the box. Everything was correct!

   
 
I cant believe we are doing this again. And with all these needles this time (so huge they are!). Ill be good though, not too worried about the needles. After I get over the initial injections, it will be fine.

I just want this all to work! I start my meds tomorrow, so today I will enjoy our last day/night pre-cycle, which might include some wine! 

Calendar is Up!

I got my FET calendar today! So excited! I start meds (Lupron sub-q) this Sunday…ahhhh!!!!

My Hysteroscopy is this coming week so its all starting to feel so real again so fast. I will go for pre-op bloodwork tomorrow or Thursday. 

I just got off the phone ordering everything from the pharmacy that will get me from now until our pregnancy test. Cant believe we are almost there!

  

FET 3 Protocol

Let me start out by saying that I had my final, 3rd injection of the Lupron in my behind yesterday…hooray! I am so glad I have reached this milestone. I am also so thankful to God that my side effects have been very minimal, which was a huge fear of mine going into it. He has 100% answered our prayers with this.

After my injection, I sat down with our list of questions with my RE. She pulled up the scan I had last month when I was bleeding and compared it with the scan I had that showed my mass a few months prior to the Lupron treatment. Good news-the mass wasnt showing on the scan from last month. Of course we cant be sure it is completely gone until my Hysteroscopy in a few short weeks, but its a great sign so far. If its not gone, its at least shrunk! Another answered prayer. 

We discussed immune therapy with intralipids and IVIG, the differences between them, my antiphosphilid results, the studies, etc. Based on my panels and our discussions, and although they offer them at one our of their clinics, I wont be doing these treatments at this time. I feel good about this decision.

Next up was the Crinone v. PIO talk. Ive always been on Crinone for my transfers (fresh & frozen) whereas the recommended protocol for most FETs is PIO. My progesterone levels have always been great, even when we experienced losses. I pretty much refused them in fear of hitting a sciatic nerve or something, (I know not likely) but I have chronic, horrible spinal issues to begin with, and couldnt stand the thought of any additional back pain. My RE was always OK with our decision because of my reasoning. However, I am now ready to go all in and give myself those ugly intramuscular ass shots everyday for 12 weeks (I hope!!) at this point instead of using the Crinone gel. I dont want to look back and feel there was ANYTHING more I could have done. This means no more vivelle either, DEL it is. I know so many of you ladies do it, and I can do it too. I just had to be ready and I am.  I know its not that bad and Ill be just fine!

We are still undecided on the Lovenox, or blood thinner this time around. We talked about it and it could go either way. I am pretty sure this will be a last minute, go with your gut decision. I have plenty leftover from our last FET.

We moved conversation on to the Zika virus. Ugh. My RE showed me some things recently released by the CDC. Although no mosquitos with it have been found here in Florida yet, it is predicted they will be here by the spring due to our climate (right when we transfer!). There isnt much we can do, other than wear bug protectant, stay indoors at night, away from water, and wear condoms when we have intercourse. If hubby got bit, he could easily give it to me. You can get bit and be asymptomatic too. No immunizations will be available for a long time it seems, as I asked because I seriously considered waiting it out to transfer. 

I live next to two empty lots and have some water behind my house. We usually get eaten alive during the summer months.  Its horrible. Needless to say, I think Ill be investing in a HazMat suit soon to be safe. Doubt that, but I have already started reading into Essential Oil mosquito repellent blends I can apply and such. I wont be using and inhaling a chemical based product everyday when pregnant thats for sure. We arent sure about our Bahamas cruise either now with this crap. Going to play this one by ear and see how things play out over the next few months with the virus. Trying not to stress about it, just be proactive. Not like we can control nature. 

On my way out I saw my very pregnant nurse. You might recall me posting about this a few weeks back and how incredibly tough it was. This time when I saw her, I hugged her and told her congratulations. I didnt plan to do it, it just happened that way. I think I just needed time to process it all. God made it really easy for me to be happy and at peace when I saw her this time. Again, an answered prayer! 

Anyways, I called WIN fertility for a bundled FET price quote, got all my presciptions handed to me for upcoming bloodworks, and so forth. The most exciting part of the day was setting up my calendar and transfer date! It made it all feel so real again. We will be transferring almost 2 years ago to the day of our first transfer.  I am ready and praying for all good things. Really, just praying its His timing now, because if its not, I know it wont happen. 

Just in Time For Valentine’s Day!

Awhile back I posted about renovating our master bedroom. Neither my husband or I have bought any bedroom furniture throughout our entire 16 year relationship together. I still had my parent bought dressers from when I was 14 and thats what we were currently using. 
We always envisioned a dreamy & romantic master suite, with a headboard and the likings. This year our dream came true just in time for Valentines Day!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

We ordered all of the furniture from Bassett’s HGTV design studio. It was super cool, we got to pick out the color, fabric, and finishings on everything. It took about a month to come in but was worth the wait. Designing everything made us both happy because after waiting so long we didnt want to settle for something we half liked. 

We tore up the original carpet and baseboards that were in the room when we bought it back in 2007 and replaced them with a dark laminate flooring and larger baseboards. We also painted the walls light grey, with a darker grey accent wall behind the bed.  Love the colors!

The finishing touches were things like the throw pillows, drapes, roman shade, brushed nickel rod and finials. I didnt have to buy any accessories thankfully, I was able to reuse items from around the house thanks to my moms help.

We are in love with it all & havent gotten out of bed much since the arrival! Instead we have ordered pizza, cooked spaghetti, and rented movies like, “The Martian” & “Tomorrowland.”  I was also blessed enough to receive a handmade card from my hubby with the most heartfelt poem and “cuddle coupon” inside.  

I am off today in honor of Presidents Day and will be heading to my RE for my LAST lupron injection. Also, we will review our FET protocol for this time around.  Wish me luck! 

   

 

   
 

   
 

  

What We Will Do If…

We find out during my hysteroscopy that the mass has NOT shrunk from these Lupron injections? 

This has been the topic of conversation the past few nights in our household. 

We easily reached an agreement that might sound absurd to some–

We will transfer our embryos anyways. 

Yes, you heard right. 

Why? Well, for starters we already tried surgery in May of 2015 to remove the mass and it failed. We do not want to go that route again and we have informed our RE of this decision already and she respects it. 

Secondly, we will have tried medically managing the mass through the Lupron. If this did not work, we will not do it again obviously. 

Third, plenty of women have successful pregnancies with fibroids or masses in their cavities. Even my OB and RE support this fact. 

You might be wondering why we even cared about the mass to begin with then?

Why not have just transferred months ago? 

The answer is simple…

After 3 miscarriages, we all wanted to give it our best shot. We want my uterus to be as healthy as possible for a baby. 

If we hadnt ever miscarried, and just found a fibroid, we probably would have just transferred as many do. But that was not the case. 

Moving forward, we now know that we have done everything we possibly could have done. We pray it works for us. 

Scan Results

I went in for a scan this week after some extended, random bleeding during month 2 of the Lupron Depot injections.  
Upon arrival, I asked my sonographer what would be the worst case scenario scan wise, and the best case scenario scan wise at this point. 

Worst cases-super thick lining (usually the best case scenario during a cycle, so totally backwards from the normal expectation) OR really, really thin lining. 

Best case scenario-thin (but not too thin lol) lining (what you usually dont want during a cycle, backwards again!)

Anyways, she said she wanted my RE to review the images to be sure, but told me on the spot the measurements and that she believed they fell into the best case category.  

Not too long after, my RE left me a message on my cell with the details. Best case scenario it is! Nothing abnormal on the ultrasound… Thank God. 

So, in the end, my blood levels are as they should be, and my scan is as it should be.  I havent bled in several days either, so I think its behind us. Im going with the idea that the bleeding was that mass leaving! 

Now, I need to call back and confirm the date of my hysteroscopy tomorrow; my RE mentioned setting it up for next month on the message she left. I thought it would be in March. I cant believe we are already talking about this!! 

After the hysteroscopy, it will be go time before we know it ((I pray)). 

What To Do When…

Your fertility sonographer for the past 2 years is pregnant and you’re not. 

Since this blog is about being real, let me be real and tell you that I wasnt even sure if I wanted to publish this post, because I know some people may misunderstand it and give me flack. I dont really expect those who havent been in my shoes to get it, but I decided this blog isnt about them anyways, so I decided to share it.  

I went in for a scan today to check on the random bleeding thats been happening on the Lupron Depot (results to follow in another post).  As I lay on the table waiting for my nurse to come in, I had a premonition—she was pregnant.  She already has 2 children she conceived easily without assistance. 

Dont ask me why this *all of a sudden* came over me. But it did and I was like “OMG, she is going to walk in here with a big, old bump !”  Well, lo and behold, a few minutes later, she opened that door, and you already know what my eyes were immediately drawn to.

She quickly turned off the lights when she came in, almost like she didnt want me to really have the time to see it. The bump.  Too late, little did she know that I already knew she was pregnant before she even came in.  She sat down next to me right away and started asking me how Id been (I hadnt seen this particular nurse in many months) as she began the scan.  I nonchalantly asked her how she had been; she didnt mention her current state and neither did I. Weird. 

Keep in mind this is the nurse who told us that there was no longer a heart beating in baby Isaiah and I really do love her. She has been there for me on many levels for many years, through good and bad.  That has nothing to do with any of this though. 

As she scanned me, I started to rewind and then fast forward in my mind, imagining hearing those awful words I heard her say before with that massive bump in my face and her moving that wand around in my you-know-what. Ugh. 

When I got home from the appt, I told hubby straight away. He just looked at me and said “seriously?” Its possible that only fellow infertiles will understand the way he said this…S-e-r-i-o-u-s-l-y. Yes, s-e-r-i-o-u-s-l-y. 

We began discussing how awkward it has to be for her doing her job everyday. I could totally tell she was feeling weird around me. Im quite sure she feels like that around others there too. And honestly, I feel kind of bad for her, because what is she to do, quit her freaking job? Of course not. Hubby suggested maybe fertility clinics only hiring those done reproducing or those who have no interest in it. Im pretty sure that would be discrimination lol. 

Anyways, heres the thing…Im actually in a pretty good spot with my mental (fertility) state right now. Ive been a lot worse off for sure. Had I seen her at a certain point in our journey (aka miscarrying) before I might have lost it. I know for a fact that theres some women at the clinic who might not be in a good place and could easily lose it dealing with that bump on a daily basis. No doubt. I should note that there is 1 other sonographer there that is not pregnant (Ive never had her before). I guess I could always go that route if things go left in our future cycle and I cant handle the bump being so up close and personal. 

Its time, I must ask, have any of you ladies had your nurse/sonographer pregnant during an IVF cycle? Miscarriage? How did you deal? Perhaps I just need some time to accept, and actually acknowledge the pregnancy with her. Today, that didnt happen. 

A Scare

Things have been relatively uneventful on the Lupron Depot the past 2 months as Ive said. That was until last week. 

When I first started my menstrual cycle early last week, it was right on time and rather light. I expected it to be light as my RE told me it would be and I also read that it would be.  And my cycles are light to begin with anyways.  

Well that “lightness” lasted about 3 days. Then it got pretty heavy, and that has continued on and off now for about 8 or 9 days. Usually my cycle only lasts 4 days max. Ive lost track of exactly how many days its been going on to be honest. 

I figured I should inform my RE of what was occurring, so I did, and she ordered me to get blood drawn ASAP. There was an immediate concern that the Lupron might not be doing what it should be doing… *SIGH*… seriously?

  

Side note: I cringed when I saw the word “STAT” on the order.  Havent seen that since my beta hell days.  

Well, I got my results back, and thankfully, all of my levels are as they should be if the Lupron is (trying) to do its job shrinking this mass. However, Im still bleeding. My RE doesnt think this is normal, so I am headed in for a scan in a few days just to be safe and cover all our bases. 

Dont ask me what safe would be at this point, because I have no freaking clue. Over the years, Ive learned not to ask too many questions ahead of time, because it can all change at the drop of a hat anyways. I am pretty sure I heard her say something about checking my lining, but I just said “okay.” Ill figure it all out soon enough when I see her. 

Praying that it looks as it should because gosh darn it already….shouldnt something just be easy?!?!