Diary of a Pregnant Woman, Vol. 1

Dont let the fancy name fool you, really just some more ramblings! 

Sometimes I feel like a bad mom already. Few reasons why-

• I take hot baths, not scolding or anything, but hotter than I prolly should I guess 
• I lay on my back sometimes instead of my side 
• I let my emotions get the best of me, a.k.a. Crying for no apparent reason, hence bringing the baby stress he doesnt need 

Hopefully you will make me feel better about my behaviors not worse. Lol.

We are 23 weeks today, really close to our goal of viability next week. Thus, I ordered an “I believe we will be bringing our baby home” token…the owlet. Praying this will give us some peace of mind once our little miracle Isaac is here.

If you dont know about it, you can read about it here http://www.owletcare.com/ basically it monitors the baby’s oxygen and heartrate as they sleep. Its the same technology used in many hospital NICUs. 

I also had to invest in some maternity wear for myself this week. I bought both maternity underwear and bras. My pre-pregnancy bra size was a 34B and it is now a 38C. Wowzers!! These things are out of control. Needless to say, I couldnt take it anymore squeezed into those old bras, with the red marks and indents in my skin appearing when I took them off. 

Yesterday was the first day I could actually see baby kicking when I looked down at my stomach. I have been feeling him on & off, but hadnt seen my stomach move yet. It was really weird to see for the first time but Im sure I will get quite used to it. In fact, it didnt happen today & I already missed it. I do wish hubby could have seen it with me for the first time but he was at work. 

Speaking of hubby…any of my infertile or loss friends that are preggo also celebrating celibacy during pregnancy? Either by your own fears or doctors orders? Ours has been a combo of both, since APRIL (embryo transfer). Thankfully we are both on the same page with it. Sorry if TMI, but Im sure there are plenty other bloggers in a similar boat out there. 

This weekend we are starting on the closet system in the nursery. This is a pic off Pinterest of what we hope to achieve.

Hope everyone has a relaxing weekend!! 

A Change of Heart

Since we have been pregnant I have been on the fence about if I want to do a maternity photo shoot or not. Its kind of odd because I love pictures, and have never been shy of a camera. In the past, I even dreamed of the day I could do a bump shoot. 

We take bump pics every week (in the privacy of our home), and have documented our infertility and pregnancy loss journey through photos closely on our Instagram account over the years. But still, something about the whole professional maternity shoot idea wasnt settling well with me all of a sudden. Hard to explain, but I think it triggered some sort of anxiety deep within my soul? 

I dont know what changed, but I am back on board with getting the photos done. I realize I may never have the chance again, and I want to embrace it while I can. So, I scheduled our session today and also ordered my outfit. I will be about 30 weeks for the shoot, and Im hoping it will work out that Im not too big or too small, but instead just right!

We were able to choose the location, and we decided on the beach for a sunset session. This is the polar opposite of our last shoot, which we did last year in the winter with snow falling in the background. I have included one below..

I feel like the difference in these two settings willcertainly align with the moods of the times in our lives. The beach should yield a much more carefree and airy mood, whereas the barren woods…well, need I say more? It was very solemn for us, and rightfully so. 

Anyways, I wont divulge too much about the details, but I will say I ordered my outfit off of a site called Sew Trendy Accessories. Im really excited for it to arrive! Its definitely only a one time wear, but its just beautiful. Hubby will be in some of the photos too, in which we will both be barefoot. 

Im undecided on my hair, I wanted to wear a floral crown but hubby & my mom both say no! They are trying to convince me to be more natural like the outfit is. That means Id have to do my hair though, and that is a problem. The extent of me doing my hair is straightening it. B-o-r-i-n-g! I suppose I will have my nails done, as our shower is just a few weeks before the shoot and I thought about doing them for that. 

In other news, we wont be doing an out of town babymoon. We hoped to, but between my pregnancy being high risk and me not working, it isnt feasible. Instead, we are going to do a few special date days/nights around where we live. A benefit to living in South Florida is that there are many places within driving distance that we dont need to stay overnight! Until next time…

Ramblings Part 2

I figure why not continue the tangents for a bit, hey?

• We had our hospital tour today! Hubby & I went out to breakfast beforehand and my nerves were really acting up. So much that I didnt really want to eat, but I did. I have no clue why the anxiety set in, because I really was excited for the tour. He helped me work through it though and I was good by the time we arrived. The tour catered mostly to vaginal delivery procedures, we couldnt even see the OR room for c-sections because it is so sterile. Although I am hoping to do a vaginal delivery, I was curious of how things look if it doesnt play out that way. I did speak up and ask a few questions and the nurse was helpful in answering them. We learned about admittance, the different rooms we will be in, visitor policies, what to bring, the NICU, lactation consultants, circumcision, cord cutting, etc. 
• We have narrowed our choice for a pediatrician down to 2. I eliminated one of the 3 practices we were looking at for the simple reason that they wanted to charge me to meet the doctor for a prenatal consult. Um, no. Now the decision comes down to do we want a small office with just one doctor, or a large practice with rotating doctors and nurse practioners? 
• We signed up for two classes-one is infant safety, and the other is prep for labor & delivery. The infant safety course meets 2 times and the l & d class 4 times. I am excited to learn more at the classes. We also plan to take a CPR class closer to the birth with my immediate family. I did attend an informative breastfeeding class already, and I am hoping all goes as planned in that department. 
• I had my cervix check at 22 weeks and I am thankful to report that it is still long (close to 4) and closed. Baby boy weighs over a pound now and is growing as he should. There are some pics of him below! A few people said they see my resemblance in him already, but I cant see it. I did get scared during the ultrasound because the tech informed me that I was having a Braxton Hicks contraction. Well, at first she just said “contraction” and showed me it on the screen. She informed me they are totally normal, which I had already read plenty of times, but still. Id like to keep the word contraction out of my vocab as long as possible. She was having a hard time looking at my placenta due to the contractions and it took some time before they stopped finally. Placenta was fine. When I came home, I drank a bunch of water and gatorade and took a warm bath and realized my stomach started to relax. I didnt even notice how tight it had been until she pointed out the BH. I think I was a little dehydrated and it could have brought it on. When the OB called to go over my results, he assured me that with real contractions they increase in intensity and the cervix shortens…so, in other words..stop worrying!! Any ladies want to share about their BH contractions? Ever get them when dehydrated? 

• In my last post I mentioned the Tdap vaccine. Turns out hubby got the booster a few years back so he is all good there. Honestly he was my main concern. He is in & out of so many places with work and he coughs a lot to begin with. Now that I know he is vaccinated, I feel much better. I dont believe I will get vaxxed for it when I am still pregnant, if anything I will get it at the hospital afterwards. The peditricians we like so far said they will also do it for us and our immediate family at their office, so thats an option too. We will see. Thanks for all the input on this shot! 
• Im not sleeping well this week. I cant get comfy and wake up around 3 everynight and stay up. It sucks. I want to sleep on my stomach or back, and obviously I cant do either. I got one of those wedge pillows early on, but its not cutting it anymore. Im going to need some sort of body pillow, and I dont like the snoogle. I tried it and returned it. It was just too big for me, and the neck piece was uncomfy. I have a special pillow I use for my neck and I would like to continue with it. Most of the pregnancy pillows I see have a neck piece attached unfortunately. 
• We are hanging the shelves in the nursery this weekend since hubby took off. Im excited to put some decor on it after! Hope everyone enjoys theit weekend! 

Ramblings

Warning: totally all-over-the-place post ahead. 

Some things I have noticed lately:

1. I brush my teeth now being pregnant more than I ever have in my life. Its almost like an obsession. I cannot stand eating and not brushing after. Anyone else go through this?
2. My upper buttocks is still entirely numb. I guess after injecting it intramuscularly for 4 months this should not be a surprise. I did some reading & saw that it can actually take up to a year for the feelings to return. Wow.
3. I am having somewhat of a hard time (mentally) not returning back to work this week. Its my first back to school in 7 years I have missed. I have been trying to stay busy in the nursery, and also prepping for the online course I teach at the college which starts next week. I think one of the hardest parts so far has not being able to share my day over dinner with hubby after he shares his. Also, not contributing financially bothers me a bit. Thank God for short term disability!

Here are a few pics of what we have accomplished so far in baby Isaac’s room-

Forgive me if I posted these photos on here already, I know I did on IG and FB, but dont recall if I did on here or not. Preggo brain. 

Something exciting happened this week…hubby felt baby kick for the first time!! I have been feeling movement now on a daily basis, although its random and some days much more than others, I love it. When I want to feel him and havent in awhile, I have my better half put his hand on my belly. I think its amazing that I can try to get him to kick for hours and it doesnt work, but within seconds of hubby’s hand, BAM! There it is. So cute!

Question for my readers who have a baby (you all have been giving great advice lately!)- who got the TDAP vaccine in your inner circle? I have some friends who had all of their immediate family members be vaccinated (anyone around infant on frequent basis) and this is what I am seeing most pediatricians and doctors recommend. Then I know some others who did not get the vaccine and did not have anyone in their immediate circle get it either. They just waited until baby could be vaccinated for this a few months after birth. I am curious as to what has worked for many of you. Also, did you or any other adult vaccinated experience any side effects from it? Remember, we are talking TDAP, not the flu. Lol.

***Please note: This is NOT by any means a vaccine debate! If you do not believe in TDAP, I respect that, but I am currently only looking for experiences of who got it and when. Thank you for understanding! 

In other news, this week is my last cervix check at 22 weeks!!! After this one, I have another ultra at 25 weeks, but its not specifically for cervical length. They will still check it, but I will officially be out of the cerclage window since I will be viable. Viable..we are getting so close. Still praying everyday…

Name Reveal!

Our miracle baby boy’s name is finalized. 

We have had many years as we struggled with infertility and loss to ponder names. 

When choosing a name, what matters most to us is that it have strong meaning behind it. I have always preferred a biblical name to give God thanks for what he has done for us. 

This being said, his name will be Isaac William.

Isaac means “laughter” or “he laughs,” and William means “protector.”  

There is meaning behind both. Here is a little background of Isaac in the bible-

After God fulfilled his promise and Sarah gave birth, He told them to name their child, Isaac, meaning laughter. Isaac went on to live a godly life, marrying Rebecca, who was also barren for a time like his mother. Never giving up faith, Isaac and Rebecca went on to eventually have twins of their own. If you would like to read more, you can find the story of his life in the book of Genesis in the bible. 

As for his middle name, William is after hubby’s paternal grandfather, and also after the middle name of our son who passed away in February of 2015 (Isaiah William).

We hope you love it as much as we do. 

We just cant wait to meet Isaac William this winter 💙

Excitement v. Anxiety

We have some upcoming things in the next few weeks that I am super excited about! 

• Hospital tour!!! 
• Prenatal consultations with a few pediatricians 
• 24 week OB appointment (viability!!)
• Cloth diapering class 

After we accomplish the above items, we will start looking into childbirth/CPR classes to attend. 

While I am super excited, I am also anxious. But I am really *trying* to keep my anxiety at bay. I spoke with the midwife today about some of my current fears, like stillbirth. Knowing that my recurrent miscarriage history plays no role in this happening helps me some. Also, how uncommon it is. She did tell me it can of course happen, but to try and enjoy my pregnancy. So, I have started coloring again, and listening to my Circle + Bloom healthy pregnancy CD. I hadnt listened in about a month and it seems to help.

My anxiety has been up in other areas too, non-pregnancy related, like my safety. Just recently we got a gun, just in case God forbid someone breaks in or something.  Someone actually broke into our home that we still live in many years ago and we never found out who did it. I dont know what has caused my fears to resurface about this, maybe its my motherly instinct to protect my unborn child, who knows. Either way I feel better now knowing that I/we can protect ourselves if needed. 

Other news? 

I have gained about 20 lbs. total. My midwife seems to think I am right on track, but my MFM told me to “slow down.” LOL.  I mostly eat well, so there isnt too much more I can do. I gained majority of it during the first trimester. The cleaning ladies came today and commented about how much my bump had grown in the past 2 weeks. I hope so, I worry sometimes that he isnt growing as he should even though there is no reason for me to think this way. 

Here are a few bump pics since I havent shared on here in awhile!

Until next time friends! 

Ready, Set, Go!

I might be kicking myself later for asking for advice on such debatable topics, but oh well. Nowadays, I cannot make a decision to save my life so here goes nothing…

1. Experiences with cloth diapering? I have been reading up on it & I am very interested in trying this method out. It does not gross me out. I will be staying home with baby for quite some time (no daycare), and feel I could take the time to wash more than if I had to head back to work. In addition, being off work, I’d like to save financially if possible, and I also like the idea of chemical free materials (yes, I know there are disposables that are organic too). I have already purchased a few packs of disposable diapers-Swaddlers, Seventh Generation, and the Honest Company. As of now, I only registered for cloth diapers since I already have disposables. After reading reviews, I chose the Kanga Baby and Bum Genius cloth brands. The plan is to try various things out and see which works best for our little man, but it would be nice to hear some experiences from you all with this old school cloth method.
2. I am having difficulty deciding how to handle our baby shower invites. Let me explain. I am the type of person who would rather be invited to an event and decline than not be invited at all. However, I am not sure if everyone is like this. I have been told that some people take offense when invited if you are not very close to them (like you are trying to get a gift, which would surely not be our intention at all). This is where my dilemma comes in. So many people that I work with have followed this blog and journey from the start. In some cases, I had never talked to these individuals on a personal basis until they showed interest in our story. One of the reasons I love this blog being public is because it has created many wonderful relationships for me that may have not existed otherwise. I am so thankful for the supportive community I have gotten to know. And I would like to invite many of these people, but I dont want them to find it odd if I do. On the other hand, I dont want them to be offended if I dont either. If that makes ANY sense. Soooo…which is better? Invite or not invite? My head hurts just from trying to explain that lol.
3. I cant even remember #3 now 🙄
4. I just remembered…birth plan or no birth plan? What about for a c-section? Please share why you feel the way you do! 

Still Cooking

I feel like it has been forever since I updated, when in all reality it has only been a few weeks. Since there is so much to update on, I will do it in segments.

Pregnancy

Today we are 20 weeks pregnant! Officially halfway there. A day I honestly thought I would NEVER see. We are so grateful to say the least. 

Yesterday I had a scare. I was leaking some sort of fluid and after it continued for a full day, I broke down and called my OB. This was of course, after googling like a mad woman, and freaking myself out completely. I had convinced myself that I was leaking amniotic fluid and had ruptured. I was beyond petrified.  

My hopes were that the nurse would just tell me to come into the office to be checked out, not go to the hospital. Nope, not the case. They sent me to labor & delivery so I could have a test called the Amnisure done there. Basically, a q-tip is inserted vaginally for 1 minute and then it is tested for amniotic fluid. The results take anout an hour to come back.

So, my mom drove me to the hospital. They rushed me upstairs in a wheelchair to the labor floor. Keep in mind, I had changed my undies (sorry if TMI) 3 times already before noon due to the fluid. Upon arrival to the floor, they wheeled me into one of the delivery rooms and this is when I lost it. I looked around and saw the baby incubator, the baby board where mom and baby’s name go, etc. All these things that I did not want to see at just 20 weeks pregnant. My name was even on the board. I started crying out of fear. I was here way too soon. 

I got undressed into a gown and they started monitoring for contractions. No contractions. The nurse informed me that my OB would be coming to do the test herself. She arrived soon after, and talk was taking place about if I had ruptured. The steroids, the antiobiotics, the hospital admittance, the bedrest….the chances of baby making it. I could only pray at this point. My OB did the Amnisure swab test, tested my urine, and listened to baby boy on the doppler. She also checked my cervix and I was not dilated at all. Thank God. 

The hour wait seemed like a lot longer. Finally, my OB and the nurse came in right after I heard cheers from out in the hall. The test came back negative for amniotic fluid. I had not ruptured. Such a huge sigh of relief. It also came back negative for an infection of any kind. The fluid was either normal pregnancy discharge or pee. Yep, pee. And Im going with the latter, although it is quite embarassing, simply because I know how small my bladder is. A urologist diagnosed it years ago as 3x smaller than average. Looks like I will be investing in some Depends soon! 

After I was discharged and got home, I was so tired I pretty much collapsed and slept for hours. I hadnt slept much the night before because I was worried about the fluid and I was dealing with a barking dog. Amongst all the madness of the day, it was also our 9 year wedding anniversary. Hubby was on call and didnt get home until late, but we were able to spend some time together once he did. 

Today was our appointment at the MFM for our fetal echocardiogram where they take an in depth look at the heart, even more than at the anatomy scan. Again, I was worried something would be wrong. I feel like its almost their job to find something wrong at the high risk doc. But I was wrong. His heart looked perfect. The midwife who met with us after reassured me by saying, “we have seen it all here, we are looking very closely, and he looks normal in all areas, no concerns.” I thanked God out loud over and over. My cervix is also still measuring long, close to 4cm and my placenta previa is completely resolved. We honestly couldnt have asked for a better report. 

I will head back to my regular OB in 2 weeks to check my cervix length again. I will be 22 weeks then, and they will only do one more cervix check after that at 24 weeks. Its hard to believe we are so close to our goal of 24 weeks, or viability. Only 1 more month!! 

I am starting to feel miracle move more & more now. It is still sporadic, but I know it is him. The ultrasound tech today felt him kick and it was pretty cool. Hubby hasnt felt him move yet, Im hoping within the next few weeks. Overall, I am feeling well and I cant complain. All I want is for him to keep cooking as long as possible. 

Nursery 

The carpet is in, along with the crown molding and baseboards. Hubby has assembled the crib, bookshelf, and changing table.  Today my mom and I went shopping and she bought us a rocker/recliner for the nursery! It will be delivered in a few days. We are so incredibly thankful for what her & my stepdad have done for their future grandson already. 

We have not hung anything up yet on the walls, but we have been ordering items. Our desire is to keep it classy and simple. So far decor wise we have a mirror, a clock, a shelf, a growth chart, and a soft whale to hang. I am totally obsessed with Pottery Barn Baby and have pretty much gotten everything from there. I will post pics once it is all done but here is one of the adorable whale…

Baby Shower 

I am all done registering for our shower. This was so fun and something I dreamed of for so so long. I am hoping to get some of what we picked! My amazing cousins, aunt, & friend all pitched in and surprised us with an early shower gift already…a mamaRoo!!! I cant even tell you how excited we are…hubby put it together straight away so we could play with it. 

My mom and I also just ordered the shower invitations and menus. The invites will go out towards the end of month.  They are just so cute! We decided on the centerpieces, games, favors, etc. I wont say too much because I dont want to spoil it for those coming. Speaking of those coming, several of our out of state relatives plan to come it sounds like. I feel so honored and never expected this! 

I feel like there is more, but I have been going on for some time now. Sending love to all of you who took the time out of your busy day to read this…thank you!