I survived Hysteroscopy #3 yesterday. Since this was more diagnostic than operative (unlike the last time when I got that cursed balloon put in), I was only under a twilight anesthesia. I took 3 Valium’s before the procedure as I was instructed, and they gave me Vercet (supposed to make you forget everything) and Demoral (for pain) through my IV.
Usually when I am under twilight, I remember NOTHING. Yesterday was different. I was actually watching the screen as they did the procedure! They told me I was very alert, and I do remember talking to them and trying my best to focus on the images. I also remember letting out a “ughhhh” in pain, and them telling me “you are doing great, we are almost done.” Maybe I am so used to the anesthetic by now that I have built up a tolerance for it or something…who knows! Either way, it wasn’t that bad and I am actually feeling pretty good today so far. Other than some minor bleeding and a headache, physically I’m alright.
The report from my RE was just as we had prayed for, meaning there was:
No masses found No placental tissue found No scar tissue formed
This is very positive news for us! This means the mass is completely gone and has not grown back quickly. It also means that the various procedures have not scarred my uterus. A scarred uterus is a big problem because an embryo cannot implant where there is scarring. And most importantly, it means we are finally able to put this behind us and hopefully start a new chapter in our lives!
Moving forward, we now confidently know there is nothing wrong with my uterus. The husband & I will go to my post-op appointment next week. At that appointment she will also do my very first lining check, as it worked out perfectly that I will be on day 12 of my cycle then. This being said, my lining should be at its thickest since this is supposed to be ovulation time for a typical 28 day cycle.
This will be another big day for us. My thin lining had been an issue during IVF 1 & 2, and that was before I had to undergo a D & C at 10 weeks pregnant, a biopsy, and 3 Hysteroscopies after IVF 3. So, we are really praying that the lining being thin is not an issue again. My RE seems to think it might be, and that we will need a good amount of time (maybe 3 cycles or so) for it to heal naturally. Naturally, meaning through healthy eating, exercise, and acupuncture rather than through estrogen pills and patches. I guess we will see what we are working with in just a few short days!
I started playing around on social media back in 2006 or 2007, can’t remember which to be exact. It began with My Space, then switched over to Facebook within a year or so. Initially upon setting up my FB account, I remember only a handful of my friends were on it. Now, everyone & their mom (literally) is on there.
After each silent loss we had, I would go through spurts of deleting my FB account and/or people off it. I would get rid of the account itself because I couldn’t handle the constant pregnancy announcements, mixed in with the continual infant updates and toddler tantrum advice inquiries. I got rid of some of the people simply because I hadn’t talked to them in years, or didn’t consider myself that close to them-it really wasn’t personal at all. I was going through something, and if you can’t understand that, well, I won’t bother explaining it in further detail for you. The good news is I am over all of that. Finally, after the 3rd loss, we decided to “come out of the closet” and create this blog, a new form of social media for us. We decided to break the silence of our IF and RPL by linking this blog to our FB account. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of our shoulders when we told the FB world about what we had been going through. I also created an Instagram account around that time, but it was not related to IF or RPL…it was simply for fun. However, as our blog and our FB page grew, I began to connect with our IF friends on Instagram & decided I might as well switch that account over to being part of our IF journey, too. And so, I did.
That brings us to the present time. Social media has become such a huge part of our life. And let me tell you, keeping up on it takes time! But, I must say, I enjoy it highly or I wouldn’t do it. Right now, discussing and writing about IF, IVF, and RPL is my passion. This being said, seeing those pregnancy announcements & the such on FB or Insta doesn’t bother me like it used to. Our accounts now have a clear purpose, and in our opinion, that purpose outweighs the occasional “stings” that come along with having it. And, although I dont say much to all the preggos & new moms out there (too hard for me still), I am truly happy for these ladies, as I wouldnt wish IF on anyone. Plus, I’d want them to be happy for us too if the situation was reversed.
Anyways, between this blog, our FB page, and Insta account, I stay super busy at home after work, reading, commenting, and replying to fellow infertiles. Don’t worry-my hubby helps me respond to many of the messages and/or reads the stories with me when he can. Most recently, I have joined some private TTC groups through FB. We are considering sharing our story further, over the air (audio only!) perhaps. All of these social media outlets have been such a great release for us. We have become part of a community where we feel like we know each person so well, following their day-to-day challenges, yet we have never even met them. If you are reading this, and you too, struggle with IF, IVF, and/or RPL, I encourage you to join this wonderful community if you haven’t yet. In fact, it is so wonderful that my husband & I were just talking about how it would be hard to imagine actually getting and staying pregnant because of what we have become a part of here with IF. That might sound crazy but it crossed our mind! Don’t get me wrong, of course achieving and sustaining a pregnancy is the goal of everyone in this community. But I think some of you members know exactly what I am saying…once this eventually happens, things naturally change-a new chapter begins, and another ends.
As for my current Word Press TTC sisters, I am already friends with many of you on Insta and/or FB, but I would like to be friends with ALL of you!
Here is our info, find us…
FaceBook– Surviving Infertility: IVF & Recurrent Pregnancy Loss (or scroll down here & click “like us” on the right hand side)
Twitter-have one, but not really using for this purpose. Any TTC ladies using it? Details please!!
tumblr-have one linked to this blog, but seems like a lot of work to make it pretty & really use it. Images dont automatically upload over, each post opens in new link, etc. Advice here? Might just can this one.
I never comment on any of my “Thoughts of the Day” but this one, I just couldn’t resist!
Motherhood…it is a feeling that begins in the heart!!! Just because you don’t have a baby here on Earth doesnt mean you dont understand what it’s all about. I personally have no children here on Earth, but this image sums up my feelings and experiences perfectly.
That said, this post is for every woman that has begun the endless work in their heart of a being mom-TTC, pregnant, angel moms, adoptive moms, biological moms, foster moms, fur baby moms, etc. We all display tremendous strength despite our fears!
Don’t you agree? It is almost impossible to get done what needs to be done in just 2 days, and allow yourself time to recharge for the week ahead! Maybe that is why yesterday was such a good day, along with the rest of the 3 day weekend. Or maybe it was so enjoyable because we weren’t wrapped up in our infertility as we usually are. Now that I am thinking about it, I am betting it was a combination of both…3 days off + no dwelling on infertility=good times! Saturday we spent the day taking our dogs to a pet friendly beach close by. One of our dogs had been before, but the other hadn’t. They both loved it. Afterwards, we went out to eat where my brother works, a pet friendly outdoor restaurant. Finally, we headed to my parents for a relaxing swim. Well, I should say that I thought it was going to be a relaxing swim. That was until my husband decided to continually dunk me underwater and throw me up & down like a child in the pool. LOL. I could barely catch my breath wrestling around with him. My mom pointed out how it was great to see us laughing and having fun again, with no talk of IVF’s and the usual BS. She was right, it was really nice.
On Sunday, we got up early and went out to breakfast at Bob Evans. I thought this would be awfully difficult for me, as I haven’t been out to breakfast since I was pregnant the last time. When I was pregnant with Isaiah and his brother or sister, we went out to breakfast every Sunday at Bob Evans. I am glad we went and I conquered the fear of going back…it wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be. In fact, I only teared up once, and no tears actually came out. I thank God for his comfort. Later, when we got back home, we did a lot of work around the house, both inside & out. I was so happy to do some much-needed landscaping even in this sticky, Florida heat. Needless to say, by Sunday night we were both beat!
Yesterday, we went our separate ways-hubs to the golf course & I shopping. I broke down & bought a new comforter for our bed finally! Don’t ask me how it is possible, but the dogs chewed the old one to pieces. They are so crazy that they have been eating it I think. I also went to the mall & got the hubs a few early birthday presents (I won’t say what they are because I know he is reading this!!). My last stop was Michael’s Arts & Crafts. My favorite stop of the day!!
At Michael’s I bought a 24 pack of PrismaColor colored pencils. I had no clue how expensive these things are until I started looking at them…WOW! I got colored pencils because I ordered 2 Mandala coloring books after I saw one of my TTC Instagram sisters with one during her 2WW. I went on Amazon right after I asked her about it, & started checking out these “adult” coloring books. Let me tell you, they are pretty cool if you are into detail and have the time for it. When my order arrives, I will discuss more about it. I also purchased some additional items like paint, candles, & wooden boxes. When finished, they will be part of the upcoming ceremony we have planned to honor our angel babies.