Done

Done with the political crap! Do not fear…if you read along here it will be a light post, no politics involved. 

How far along? 33 weeks and 5 days 
How big is baby? At his ultrasound yesterday, they estimated 4 lbs. 11 ounces. 
Total weight gain/loss: About 38 lbs. gained total. Boy, do I feel it! 

Maternity clothes? Oh yes. Thats all that I can wear really. Most days I live in pajamas or dresses. 

Sleep: not good. My mind is always racing. My feet are feeling tingly, numb, and swollen and seem to really bother me at night. Getting up to pee every hour. Got the breath right strips for my snoring/choking problem and they arent working! Im still snoring right through them, and waking myself up as I choke. Hubby usually lasts in the same room with me until about 3 a.m. Lol! 

Best moment this week: baby boy passing his biophysical profile with an 8 out of 8! 100%! The BPP came unexpectedly after I was given an NST. My OB thought my amnio fluid might be on the low side from the NST, so she ordered the BPP ultrasound. My fluid wasnt too bad (a 10 I believe) and all else looked great with Isaac. 

Food cravings: none really…maybe an Italian sub?!? Planning on eating one of those STAT after delivery.
Food Aversions: None. More people aversions lately. Hopefully we can move into the holiday season as a united country.

Pregnancy Symptoms: Aside from the ones above, BH. Hot flashes. Some indigestion. Reallyy short of breath. Tired-so much that Im napping everyday,  pretty much throughout the days despite the snoring interruptions. I wish the sleep was deep, it never is. My back kills me, but this is nothing new thanks to my scoliosis. 

What I miss: Sleeping on my belly! 

What I am looking forward to: meeting our son. The holidays. 

Upcoming appointments/events: NSTs every week until he comes. Another ultrasound at 36 weeks!! 

Milestones: Making it full term now…so close. Cervix still closed and measuring just at a 3.

Double Digits

Well, we made it. 10 weeks tomorrow! The farthest we have come without bad news. Today was another ultrasound of baby, and it was perfect.

Baby measured on track and the heartbeat was still around 175 bpm! Its amazing to see the progress every week. Miracle has grown so much. 

As my RE scanned me, we were all chatting, and everytime I would laugh, miracle would wiggle around more. It was awesome! Next week will be my last scan with my RE and then I will be graduated to solely my OB’s office. I will miss them all so much. 

We got the Panorama blood test done & will have the results back in about 10-14 days. I asked them to not tell me the gender when they call, instead I will pick it up in an envelope. Then hubby & I will do something special and reveal together!  So excited, however I am nervous about the genetics piece of the test, but we have already decided that no matter what we will love this baby to the moon and back.  

Symptoms? 

Hunger! Hunger! And more hunger! I think I am actually starting to show a bit. Probably due to how much I have been eating. I mostly crave spicy and salty stuff, but every so often sweets hit the spot too. Some burping here & there. Peeing quite often, swollen boobs, & gas. Tired and thirsty. Seems like nothing satisifies my thirst. I am not complaining about any of these, in fact I love every single symptom and hate when they are not around. Praying for another week down in the books!!! 

First OB Appointment

Today was our first OB appointment with this pregnancy. Last pregnancy we also made it to our first OB appointment, only a week later to be devastated with a missed miscarriage. 

The timeline of our last pregnancy has been haunting me a bit this week. I think a lot of it has to do with the dates starting to overlap…like our last pregnancy our 8 and a half week ultrasound was great, but at our 9 and half week appt there was no heartbeat.  Our 8 week ultrasound is approaching this week and I cant help but be incredibly nervous. I cant fathom bad news. 

Anyways, today’s appointment was pretty run of the mill. Bloodwork, urine sample, paperwork. My urine showed I am slightly dehydrated, which is my fault. I know I havent been drinking as much as I should. With the stomach wounds, I have been trying to limit the amount of up and down movement each day. More water=more up & down. But I am feeling much better surgery wise, so I will make more effort in the H20 department now. 

We were able to set up our 12 week doppler scan in a month, and also the Panorama blood test. Ive set both of these up before and had to cancel due to loss, so of course I was hesitant. Yes, part of me is extremely excited, but I dont want my heart broken into a million pieces again. 

In healing news, two of my bandages fell off as the RE said they would, only 1 left and its the big daddy so I suspect it will be around a bit longer. I have had very light brown spotting when I wipe the past 2 days again ((sigh)), but I am trying simply to ignore it. I am not sure if its leftover from the surgery (which I was told could be very likely to happen) or if its from the SCH. Who knows at this point. 

Since I have been bedridden, we have hired a cleaning lady. We talked about this in the past, and decided now would be the time to do it. We both like a clean house, and I simply cannot do it right now. My husband tries his best, but it is too much for just him. It is his busy time at work now and there is just no way. This being said, she starts Wednesday and I hope she is good and can continue throughout the duration of our pregnancy.

Mothers Day was strange for me this year. I wasnt really sure how to act. It was my first one pregnant, as the past few years I have been recovering from IVF losses. Those sad thoughts stayed with me through most of the day although I tried my best to stay positive about the life growing inside me. Pregnancy after loss is hard, but my mom & I spent the day watching a movie, ordering take out, & making the best of it all. Im so glad I have her. Things could be a lot worse and in no way do I want to sound ungrateful, because that is far from the case. 

Any symptoms, etc?

Itchy on my stomach this week (have heard sometimes thats a pregnancy thing), cravings, tired, thirsty in the middle of the night, and swollen boobs. Ive gained 5 pounds in a week…Im sure its a combo of the bedrest and cravings. Oh well, they didnt seem to concerned today about it. I still cant bring myself to do bumpdates yet even though I think about them frequently. 

Prayers this week for a strong, growing baby!!!

Faith

The ups & downs of pregnancy after loss continue. I do feel like I am starting to get a little bit accustomed to it which seems bizarre since its so early on (6 weeks, 3 days).  

The bleeding stopped for a few days & has revisited as of last night. I had some slight cramping (for about 10 minutes) and when I went to the bathroom, pink it was. I showed my mom today because I cant really decide if its bleeding or spotting, and she said its spotting. This makes me feel somewhat better. Hubs says the same. At most, I have like a quarter size drop of blood on a pad over like a 5 or 6 hour span.  Thanks to all the ladies out there who have reached out to me & comforted me with their stories of bleeding during pregnancy that did not end in miscarriage. That & God get me through these long days. 

Anyways, due to my wonderful aunts who were in not long ago from out of state, my mom & I had about $250 worth of free coupons to a local department store here in town. When they were here, they earned “bucks” for all their purchases and the bucks could only be used on certain (future) dates. Well, the date for the bucks to be redeemed was today & they have already gone back north. Hence, we got to spend the bucks! Awesome right?

Despite all the bleeding, and doubting, and how early on the pregnancy is, we decided to spend the free money on baby items. Meaning, we decided to choose faith & believe as much as possible today that this is our take home baby. Let me tell you, doing this was not easy at all for me.  In fact, I had a lot of fear, knowing things could easily go left at anytime.  But I have to try and embrace this. 

Here is a pic of what we got (tried to keep it gender neutral)–

Adorable right?!? I also got a casual blue dress that I will wear to one of my bestest friends gender reveal this upcoming weekend. I havent mentioned it before, but she is about 3 months ahead of me. We are both so excited to go through this together & I pray everyday it continues to stay this way.  Ive already lost several pregnancies while pregnant at the same time as close friends. It sucks to say the least. 

Symptoms? 

Pimples!! I never break out but right now I have about 4 popping up. Extreme thirst in the middle of the night. Peeing all the time, & pretty tired. Mostly hungry this week rather than a lot of aversions. Craving fried food, I know, bad!

Praying for a heartbeat this Thursday at our ultrasound. Praying to defy all the odds stacked against us. It would be really really nice to have a Mothers Day down in the books without so much heartache. Please pray for us. 

FET #3: Beta #3

Today is a good day. We got back our results this afternoon and our beta did double since Wednesday. Thank God! 

• Monday-805 HCG, Progesterone 40
• Wednesday-2504
• Friday-5134, Progesterone 37

Yesterday & today I had some dark brown spotting (NO cramps at all thankfully).  I know brown is old blood, so I was a little bit more at ease than when I have had bright red blood in past pregnancies. I know bleeds can be totally normal in pregnancy, but with a history of recurrent pregnancy loss its hard to keep that in mind. So, of course I began to think the worst last night. I prepared as much as I could to hear that it was all over & our numbers had dropped when they called today. Its happened before. I also requested to have my progesterone drawn with my beta to make sure it wasnt below what it should be, as I know this can cause a bleed.  

I really couldnt believe it when they called & said all is progressing as it should still. The brown blood is not a sign of harm. So incredibly grateful for this. Now the 2 week wait for the heartbeat or heartbeats begins. The waits are never ending as you all know. Praying for a really uneventful 2 weeks until then!! 

On a different note, I have to share with you some of my 3rd grade students handmade animal projects because they came out delightful & really put the cherry on top of my day! So proud of them…

FET #3: Beta 1 & 2

First, before I get into the numbers, I want to say thank you so much to everyone who commented on our positive HPT result post. You all are the best! 

Monday was beta #1 and today was beta #2. We were hoping for an initial result of 100 or so on Monday, and then of course for it to double from then (as it needs to) today.  

• Beta 1-805 (10dp6dt)
• Beta 2-2,520 (12dp6dt) 
• Beta 3-Friday (14dp6dt)

In no way did we expect such high numbers, and whats more, a number that tripled in 2 days. Our numbers have never been this high, this early on. We are very grateful to God for getting us through this step in the long process ahead. We arent taking anything for granted. Not one single minute. We pray things continue to progress everyday. Our first ultrasound is scheduled in a few weeks. I am not even thinking that far out though, other than praying we get there. We are living day to day with this pregnancy and rejoicing in every milestone. 

As far as symptoms go, I have been having headaches in the evenings. My boobs are pretty swollen, not really sore. Some foods that normally sound great dont. Im 4w4d today. 

Keep us in your thoughts & prayers please! 

Hysteroscopy Results

I went to bed early last night so I didnt allow myself too much time to dwell on the procedure that awaited me this a.m. I woke about 3 a.m. and couldnt go back to sleep as my mind raced. I finally fell back asleep for a few hours and then it was time to get the show on the road.

I showered and put on my lucky socks and bracelet. 

 
My mom and I drove down to the clinic and I popped my first Valium when we got there, the next 2 about 20 minutes later. They took me back, checked all my vitals, I used the loo, and changed into my cap and gown (hopefully Ill be graduating soon!) 

 
I was in pretty good spirits about it all, I only shed a few tears right before my mom left and I think it was an effect of the Valiums (I seem to cry easily on it).  My RE came in, along with my RN, and her assistant. We small talked as they adminstered my IV. Within a few minutes I started to feel a little loopy. 
This time I stayed awake throughout the whole procedure even though I got the same dosage of narcotics I always have in the past. Maybe I am just used to them by now. Either way, it wasnt too painful, more uncomfortable than anything. I did my best to listen to what they were saying and look at the screen beside me that pictured my uterus. 

Drum roll please….my uterus is clear! The mass is gone. Completely. It was described as looking perfect!

Everyone was so excited! Its been awhile since we have had something this positive happen to us. I cried happy tears and thanked God over and over. Im still in shock to be honest. I prepared myself for it to go the other way today, but it didnt. We are so incredibly grateful. 

Ive been sleeping the day away as the drugs wear off. I am headed back to work tomorrow, and then Monday Ill be headed back to the clinic for my post-op appt, my day 3 ultra and blood, and start of stims. Thank you for your kind words and support about today! Prayer works. 

Originally Written on 2/4/15

Miscarriage #3

So, by now you may have already guessed what happened at our 10 week appointment today.
I woke up early as I usually did to make it to the 7:30 a.m. scheduled ultrasound. This was the 1st ultrasound appointment I would be going to alone. 

When I woke up, it was the 3rd day in a row that I had 0 pregnancy symptoms. I felt like everything had been stolen from me, yet I still tried to keep my faith. 

 I got in my car and turned on the radio. Immediately the song, Oceans, Where Feet May Fail by Hillsong United came on. https://youtu.be/dy9nwe9_xzw
I started bawling my eyes out. If you haven’t heard this song, it’s a Christian song about keeping the faith and trusting God through the hardest times of your life. Ironically, I had heard this song the exact day we had our 2nd miscarriage. And here it was, playing again as I drove to my appointment. I knew right at that moment, without doubt, that this pregnancy was over. I just didn’t understand why. My heart ached.
Within minutes of arriving, I got my vitals taken and was in the ultrasound room. I briefly informed the nurse of how I had been feeling the past 3 days. She started the scan, I took a deep breath, and as always, I looked the other direction. I couldn’t even stand the thought of seeing her face when she told me. Seconds of silence turned into minutes of silence. More confirmation that it was over. When nothing is wrong, it only takes seconds to locate the heartbeat and turn that screen to the proud parents. Not today.
Everything I prayed so hard against was coming true. Again. Every time I told myself to fight off those negative thoughts. Every time I believed people telling me this was the time, this was our year. Every time I thought we would defy the odds. Every time, I was wrong. And my heart ached.
Finally, the nurse who had been by our side for over a year now, pulled out the wand without saying a word. I turned and looked at her. She was crying. I blurted out “WHAT?” rudely. 

 She whispered, “I’m so sorry. There was no heartbeat today.”

I immediately demanded she show me. Let me see it with my own eyes! I thought. And so she did. I saw our sweet little angel, who was now in heaven. The heartbeat was gone, along with any flow of blood through the tiny body that had so wonderfully formed.

I sat up. She hugged me. Then she angrily said, “Why does this keep happening?!” I hadn’t shed a tear yet or spoken a word other than my nasty “what?” a few minutes earlier. I just stared blankly. I couldn’t speak because I felt like someone had ripped out everything inside of me. 

 She asked me to please wait for the doctor to come in at 9 to confirm. It was only 7:45. I said OK. Then she told me to just stay in the room and wait. This was not the norm, as the practice is very busy, and they only have 2 exam rooms… hence, rooms are golden. Not today.

 Today I sat in the same room for over an hour without moving. Everyone else would just have to wait. I didn’t care, and surprisingly the staff didn’t either.
Another nurse came in to take my blood. The anger had turned to despair and I was now sobbing uncontrollably. She told me I had to call my husband. I didn’t want to. I refused to tell my husband that we lost another child. This has to be a nightmare right? I was going to wake up any moment! 

 The doctor came in next. She performed another ultrasound. I heard her and the nurse speaking as they were pointing, but it was all a blur. I looked at the screen one last time because I knew that would be it; my good-bye. 

 The doctor confirmed we had lost the baby. She diagnosed it a missed miscarriage. No bleeding. No cramping. No shortened cervix. No nothing. The life inside of me had just stopped living.
She gave me our options next. 1.) Miscarry naturally. This could take weeks, or even longer since I was only a few days short of 10 weeks. 2.) Take Misoprostol orally and miscarry at home. She recommended against this, again since I was further along it would be “very uncomfortable,” or 3.) Have a d & c in two days at the hospital under general anesthesia. I scheduled the d & c.
I called my mom & asked her to come get me. I couldn’t drive. The doctor and nurse walked me out. They hugged me, and kindly told me to stop taking all my medications right away, especially the blood thinner, since I would now be undergoing surgery in 2 days.
I stumbled out to my car and dialed my husband as I waited for my mom to arrive. All I heard him saying was, “NO, NO, NO,” over and over again.

A Scare

Things have been relatively uneventful on the Lupron Depot the past 2 months as Ive said. That was until last week. 

When I first started my menstrual cycle early last week, it was right on time and rather light. I expected it to be light as my RE told me it would be and I also read that it would be.  And my cycles are light to begin with anyways.  

Well that “lightness” lasted about 3 days. Then it got pretty heavy, and that has continued on and off now for about 8 or 9 days. Usually my cycle only lasts 4 days max. Ive lost track of exactly how many days its been going on to be honest. 

I figured I should inform my RE of what was occurring, so I did, and she ordered me to get blood drawn ASAP. There was an immediate concern that the Lupron might not be doing what it should be doing… *SIGH*… seriously?

  

Side note: I cringed when I saw the word “STAT” on the order.  Havent seen that since my beta hell days.  

Well, I got my results back, and thankfully, all of my levels are as they should be if the Lupron is (trying) to do its job shrinking this mass. However, Im still bleeding. My RE doesnt think this is normal, so I am headed in for a scan in a few days just to be safe and cover all our bases. 

Dont ask me what safe would be at this point, because I have no freaking clue. Over the years, Ive learned not to ask too many questions ahead of time, because it can all change at the drop of a hat anyways. I am pretty sure I heard her say something about checking my lining, but I just said “okay.” Ill figure it all out soon enough when I see her. 

Praying that it looks as it should because gosh darn it already….shouldnt something just be easy?!?!

Week 12 of the 95 Days of Summer Happiness

Bringing you week 12, days 79-85 of the 95 days of summer happiness, all for your viewing pleasure.

We hope you enjoy as much as we did!

Day 79 of Summer Happiness

 

A t-shirt from my mom with my favorite Disney Princess, Ariel

 
Day 80 of Summer Happiness

Cupcakes from my amazing mother…

Day 81 of Summer Happiness

Women’s conference I attended at church this week

Day 82 of Summer Happiness

Finally got time to get into my “Enchanted Forest” this week

Day 83 of Summer Happiness

Home ultrasound machine for my messed up neck and back…anyone who knows me knows this says happiness like no other

Day 84 of Summer Happiness

Florida summer sunset…simply amazing

Day 85 of Summer Happiness

My drink of choice…but hopefully my last one for awhile 😉