As she watched her 3 kids tumble around the playground and chatted with me about her growing baby bump, I could sense it was coming. I started to feel a strange anxiety building up to it.
How would I answer this question once she finally spit it out? Should I tell this stranger making small chat with me the struggle leading up to him being my “only” child? Should I say “yes…here on Earth” and leave it at that, making the woman feel sadly awkward for asking what seems like a normal question? Or how about a simple “yes” or simple “no” depending on how technical we want to get here? The possibilities were endless and they were playing out over and over again.
The question was inevitable. And so it came. Is he your “only” one? Can I just say how I hate the emphasis on only here. Like it was no feat to have him. Maybe if I had three it would have been a greater accomplishment without the word only attached to it?
Of course I know I am being unreasonable thinking any harm was meant by asking a common question, but I cant help the fact that it urked me. And although I am quite verbal about my story and the struggles to get my Miracle, my answer that day on the playground was “yes, he is.”
Surviving INfertility 
That is usually how I answer too. Instead of making it awkward and then making me think about it which just makes me sad.
But I wish people would really not ask these kinds of questions.
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Im sorry you have the same challenge to face. It sucks.
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I get this a lot. We live in an area where most families are at least 3-6 kids. So I get “Is he your ONLY child often”….and it does bug me. I know they don’t understand all we have been through but the “only” part does hurt. I would love to have 3 kids, 4 kids, etc. But I can’t and I’m thrilled with the little one that I’ve got…but still hurts when they make you feel less for “only” having one child 😦
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Thanks for understanding where I am coming from with this. Its nice to know Im not alone.
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I had a similar conversation and a similar thought process. So exhausting thinking about a response beforehand. This person is also preg with #4 and wanted me to get preg so we can be buddies. She seemed so happy I just smiled and said okay we’ll try. Sigh.
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Yea it shouldnt be so hard to come up with an answer right? For the “normal” folks it is simple I suppose. Shitty.
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So shitty.
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Argh. I usually completely overshare about medical stuff and that shuts them up! Luckily I feel happy about our “only” situation so I’m okay to answer it. But I think it’s incredibly insensitive when people push it. I feel like it’s fine to ask if you have any other kids – that’s just conversation – it’s when they start rolling out the only child stereotypes that it bugs me. Like you MUST have another child just because they do.
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Yea its the “only” thy attach to it that annoys me. I too feel incredibly blessed to have this “only” child but the ring around it makes me feel as if I need to justify why he is my one. People are insensitive like u said.
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