5 Months 

We survived the 4 month leap/regression! Some milestones to note:

  • Sleeping through the night! No more night feeds. He dropped them on his own at 18 wks. We are now on 12 hr stretches of sleep the past 3 wks. Pretty consistent about going down at 8 & getting up at 8.  He is still sleeping in his dock a tot in our bedroom. I love having him next to me & am in no rush to move him into his crib although I could now. 
  • No teeth yet
  • Drools all the time & puts everything in his mouth 
  • Drinking 8oz bottles about every 4 hrs during the day, for a total of 5 bottles 
  • Breastfeeding just once a day for about 1 hr 
  • Havent started solids yet, but plan to next month as he is showing signs of readiness such as the pincer grip, holding his head up well with no support, watching everything we eat & grabbing for it!
  • Takes 4 naps a day, every 2 hrs like clockwork
  • Is almost 30 inches long! We had to buy his convertible seat this week (Britax Clicktight Boulevard) bc his Keyfit only accomdates up to 30 lbs or 30 in, whichever comes first
  • Was 17 lbs about 2 weeks ago
  • Rolls on side all the time but not back to front yet, only front to back still 
  • Loves music & looking in the mirror 
  • Forward facing in the Ergo now like a big boy! 
  • Getting ready for his first vacation on an airplane in the next few weeks! 

There is nothing that I love more in this world than being his mom 💙

The End

147 days. Through latching issues, to having a tongue & lip tie clipped, to using a shield for almost 2 months, to a few nasty bouts of thrush, to low supply & taking all sorts of supplements, to an oversupply & an overactive letdown & having to pump all the time, to horrible acid reflux & adding thickening agents to my milk just so he could drink it, to seeing numerous lactation consultants & just trying to make it through the days, one damn day at a time. I breastfed my son for 147 days, just 1 month short of my goal of 6 months. And Im proud. It wasnt easy, perhaps the hardest thing I ever did (other than infertility & loss). In fact, it was harder than laboring for 22 hours with him. Dont get me wrong, it was wonderful at times. Gummy smiles, boob drunk sleeps, breastsleeping. All the feels. I wouldnt change it for the world. But it was so hard. And the world doesnt make it any easier on someone struggling. They are always trying to provide another suggestion or advice, when sometimes what a mom needs is simple understanding. I didnt know how tough quitting would be on me, not just mentally but physically too. Ive experienced withdrawls including headaches, dizziness, nausea. Its no joke. We have been weaning for about 2 weeks now & Ive shed lots of tears. Ive watched him go from eating to just looking for comfort. And although I know without a doubt the timing was right (prolly even sooner than now), it is SO bittersweet. I can only hope that I get to experience this bond again one day. If not, no regrets. 

147 days ❤️

3 Months

Miracle is offically 3 months old now, which means mommy & daddy survived what is said to be one of the toughest times by most. There have definitely been some challenges, but there has also been so much laughter (no coincidence our boys name means full of laughter). He is such a blessing. 

I think the most difficult things we have faced are feeding and sleeping (and working from home, but I’ll save this 1 for another post).  Pretty sure most new parents would say the same things if they had to pinpoint something. We finally have feeding under control, but it took us a full 12 weeks. Sleeping, on the other hand, not so much! 

As I mentioned in my prior posts, baby has reflux pretty bad with my breastmilk. I tried LOTS of different things (eliminating foods, adding rice cereal, diff bottles, nipples, etc) in hopes of him being able to drink my milk. One late night as I was feeding him, and searching Dr. Google, I came across a product called Gelmix. Its a USDA approved all organic thickening agent. I ordered it and its been a God send for us.  He now drinks all my milk no problem, and we were able to stop the special formula he was on. 

TONS of times I almost threw in the towel with my milk, from low supply to tongue and lip ties, to reflux and thrush. BF doesnt work for everyone, and in no way should anyone feel guilty if they did throw in the towel, but Im just saying Im glad I didnt. And if you are out there and struggling with baby feedings, know you arent alone. 

Sleep. Oh my. Why do I fall for all these fancy sleep aids? We have SO many darn sleep oriented items its not even funny. Maybe soon I will accept the realization that the way he sleeps is just part of his normal development. For a few giggles, I will tell you some of the things I have tried (marketers must know sleep deprived people will buy almost anything).  

  • Swaddles-velcro, zip, tie, swaddle up, down, every which way. Every brand. Blankets included. 
  • Magic sleep suit-worked for a few weeks until his Moro Reflex overpowered it. Side note-reflex is still going strong. 
  • Zip-a-Dee-Zip gown (shown on Shark Tank) or something like that? Was an immediate return. 
  • Dock-a-Tot-first 2 nights thought it was a win, 3rd night a total fail. Still trying. 
  • We have also slept (or tried to sleep in) snuggle nests, pack and plays, crib, swing, boppy, you name it. 
  • Sound machines (bought two now), lotions (which are not secret potions lol), goodnight prayers…need I go on?? 

I know, I know…accept the fact we arent sleeping and move on. It could be much worse. 

Some miletones to note at 13 weeks old-

  • Rolling over! This happened just before 12 weeks. Tummy to back only.
  • Head control 
  • Chuckling out loud (this is the best) 
  • Recognizing people (mostly nanna) on Facetime…no joke-he stares at the phone & laughs like crazy
  • Sucking on his fist & drooling
  • Holding toys and blankets on his own, grabbing them as well

Everyday I thank God for our miracle. As I was sterilizing all his bottles and he watched me from across the room just smiling, I thought about how much less anxiety I have now. When going through those IVF cycles and when pregnant, it was through the roof. Yes, I still worry about him, but it is different because he is HERE. Thinking of all you out there who are still chasing your dream(s).  

10 Things No One Told Me About Being a New Mom

  1. Breastfeeding *can* be the most rewarding, yet most frustrating thing you will ever do. 
  2. That (damn) Moro Reflex, once deemed cute, will undoubtedly keep both you & your baby from sleep at some point. 
  3. Opening a bag of chips will wake your baby from peaceful slumber while something as loud as siren probably wont. Eat all the chips you can now. 
  4. In the same day it is possible to feel like the worst mom ever one minute and just the opposite the next. 
  5. Deep sleep is hard to come by. You realize you will sleep soundly again one day when you die. But not until then. 
  6. Forget watching a TV program all the way through without any interruption. Binge watch when pregnant. 
  7. Pretty much anything you swore you wouldnt do, you will do, so better off not saying it. 
  8. Getting peed, pooped, drooled, or spit up on (notice I didnt say vomit here) isnt really that bad after all. Not being facetious here. 
  9. You will likely have a whole new set of appreciation for your own parents, especially your mom. Yes, it sounds cliche, but it is true. 
  10. It is possible to care for another human being (that has been in your life for just a short time) with a love so pure you never knew existed.

2 Months 

Well, almost. Time is flying by. I cant believe it is February and he was born in December. 

Update on BF

I originally wasnt going to post about this, as it can be a somewhat controversial topic and I didnt feel like getting any crap for it. However, I sat & thought about a few things….like why did I start this blog in the first place? One reason was so others wouldnt feel alone. Another was so I could get my feelings out. After pondering this, I realized I wanted to share bc these reasons alone are far more important than dealing with any possible trolls.

Baby boy had his tongue & lip ties clipped at almost 5 weeks old. After a few professional opinions and doing some research, we concluded they were most likely interferring with his (breast)feedings. He had trouble latching, gumming, thrashing, etc. After clipping, positive nursing progress is supposed to be almost immediate. Well, the day after the procedure we were still seeing the same behaviors, and I felt somewhat discouraged. I did feel a deeper latch on one side, but the other showed no improvement. Thrashing, squirming, tugging, all continued.

The lactation consultant and MD who did the procedure began to explore other potential issues since the clipping wasnt the cure to us BF. Come to find out I have low milk supply (I am now pumping about 15 oz per day, should be about 30 oz) paired with a very fast let down. I began taking supplements such as Go Lacta, Fenugreek, eating oatmeal & berries, lactation cookies, amongst other things daily. This doubled my supply to 15 oz -I was only pumping about 8 oz a day prior.

Although an improvement in supply, this did not help the fast let down or thrashing around, or poor latching on one side. To top it off, he started spitting up, choking and gasping for air when breastfeeding or drinking my milk from a bottle. Our pediatrician recommended we put him on a special formula and add rice cereal to breastmilk to thicken it up a bit. We consented. 

He does amazing when he drinks the formula, but I still didnt want to give up the breastmilk entirely. He is able to drink this formula through a Dr. Browns bottle with no problem, but could not use it for breastmilk even with the cereal thickening agent. I went on to try Avent, Tommee Tippee, Playtex, MAM. None worked. He gasped for air so badly once that he couldnt catch his breath. Hubby and I decided its not worth him choking to death for some breastmilk. Just when I was about to throw in the towel, my mom bought us a NUK Simply Natural bottle. It is a God send. No choking, no gasping for air, no discomfort. He even thinks it is a boob, suckling it and smiling all gummy like.

This said, he has a NUK bottle for all of my pumped (cereal) milk, and Dr. Browns for his formula. I do not let anyone feed him breastmilk as I have to be careful and stop him occassionally. Pumped feedings take considerably longer, but I will continue as long as he is comfortable. 4-5 ounces of breastmilk literally takes an hour compared to 20 minutes for formula. I let him on my breast after my let down so he can handle it without choking badly. He barely touches the one breast still, not only by his doing but by mine too. It is just plain old uncomfortable. This makes for one lopsided woman. Lol. Side note-I had the nipple on this side pierced MANY moons ago (a.k.a. Teenage rebellion years) and it hasnt been the same since. Possible culprit. 

Our feedings are complicated, but we are working through it in our own way. I should say that this post isnt looking for advice, instead it is for the reasons I listed above-to relate with others. If you are feeling pressure to feed a certain way, this post is for you. I too, felt that way and know how crappy it feels. But we must remember, a fed baby is the best baby. I think I forgot that from time to time and compared myself to others expectations. 

Needless to say, this whole feeding experience has been full of learning for me. I am getting used to how we do things, and prefer not to stress anymore about it being textbook perfect (since there is no such thing anyways). No, I never thought I would be triple feeding 2 months postpartum, but I am. The good news is that is not nearly as hard as it was a month ago. Silver lining. 

It all goes to show you never know what something is like until you go through it. Yes, I could change my diet, and try other things too Im sure, like medication for reflux and what not, but for now I am choosing not to go that route because the truth is that wont change how fast my let down is, the thickness of my milk, the amount of milk I produce, or his latch. And I am not sacrificing all of the foods I like as selfish as that may sound. I feel that I sacrificed enough over the years just to simply get him here-my body, mind & soul for years…It is time to enjoy him now. 

So, we will continue our new “normal”-taking a few bottles of formula a day, followed by a few bottles of breastmilk, followed by our middle of the night nursing sessions. 

Clipped

I mentioned baby boy had a tongue & lip tie in my previous post. Well, they are no more! We got them clipped today. We saw a local holisitic pediatrician and board certified LC who is known around town as the only one to do it before a baby is 6 months.  

The past week since trying EBF & quitting pumping has been difficult. Baby latches on and off during feeds, latches incorrectly, gums me, feeds constantly, etc. So today brings a sense of relief and a step forward for us. Before the procedure, I breastfeed for the doc to show her what we are experiencing with our feeds. She observed for a bit and then examined him only to confirm that he did indeed have both ties. She then explained the clipping to us which took longer than the actual action itself.  It literally took 30 seconds to do it. I cried more than he did I think. Immediately following the clipping he was put back on my breast to feed. I guess the breast is the medicine for all. 

He latched on well and stopped crying right away & he hasnt shown any signs of pain or discomfort since thankfully. I was told that is the norm since they are so young. I am feeding him as we speak and plan to do so as much as he needs, even for comfort today. So far so good with the latch. I also purchased a recommended supplement to increase my supply and my lovely mom made me 4 dozen delicious lactation cookies. We have a follow up next week & hope to have good news to report.


In other news, Isaac gained another lb since our last appointment! I am so grateful for this since we have had some feeding challenges. He now weighs 9 and 1/2 lbs. He is getting so big so quick! Almost all his newborn clothes have been outgrown now. 

I just realized this is the first post as a mom I have written in paragraph format. All of my posts since his birth have been list style, bringing me to my point…pregnancy brain is real, but mom brain is no joke. Its been hard to fathom compiling all my thoughts into something that could be easily read, so forgive me if this is jumbled. 

I had my postpartum visit the other day. All looks well and I have been released back to my “normal” activities (exercising, intercourse, bathing, etc.) I am excited to start stroller walking daily, in fact we already began as a family of 3 plus the 2 dogs. It was great and baby seems to sleep much better. He is also loving bathing in his 4 Moms tub. Up until he turned a month old we had been doing just sponge baths which he hated. When we put him in the tub he looked simply amazed. Perhaps a feeling of being back in the womb? Anyways, it has become a highlight of my day to see him so relaxed in there. 

We have been getting out a bit more, Isaac ate inside his first restaurant with our in laws who are visiting from Ohio. I have been avoiding a lot of indoor public places as it is flu season and I did not get a shot for it. He really loved looking all around and being so stimulated. I just love to watch him, we are so very blessed. 


I guess that is all for now, thinking of all you no matter where you are in your TTC journey. God Bless ❤️

A Day in our Life

I figured it would be nice to record what a typical day looks like at home with our newborn son. I am documenting things in his baby book as well. So what does a “normal” day in our life look like? 

  • Get up with daddy about 6 am so he can spend time with baby before he leaves for work (mom usually sleeps through this feed & diaper change bc daddy is so great!) 
  • Get up with mommy about 8 am and get a diaper change. Then nurse as mommy drinks the coffee daddy made for her with the amazing Ninja machine 
  • Go in the mamaRoo for a swing as mommy tries to eat breakfast, tend to the dogs, wash bottles, wash & fold laundry, etc. 
  • Nurse again! Get on my playmat for awhile & play with mommy, do some bicycle kicks & get tummy rubs
  • Naptime (sometimes) while mommy eats lunch, and Nanna visits
  • Outside time enjoying the fresh air on our porch, usually with bottle of formula so boobs get a little break lol
  • Mommy reads books aloud that play music or talk in the nursery
  • Daddy comes home & mommy gets to shower (sometimes even nap since it never happens during the day) and have an adult beverage. Daddy feeds me a bottle. 
  • Tummy time & bath take place! Still hating the sponge baths. 
  • Bedtime-baby boy loves to be swaddled up and wear mittens to sleep after he nurses. 
  • Up every 2 hrs to eat and get changed with mommy 

All of this easily changes depending on baby boys mood. For example, if he is constipated or gassy, add in a few hours of crying as an activity! Even when that happens, I try to do all of the above at some point during our day together. Hoping to add in daily stroller walks now since it has been a month since my c-section and the weather is so nice. What else do you mommies do during the days with your babes?

So blessed to have the opportunity to do all the things I always dreamed of with my miracle!