The End

147 days. Through latching issues, to having a tongue & lip tie clipped, to using a shield for almost 2 months, to a few nasty bouts of thrush, to low supply & taking all sorts of supplements, to an oversupply & an overactive letdown & having to pump all the time, to horrible acid reflux & adding thickening agents to my milk just so he could drink it, to seeing numerous lactation consultants & just trying to make it through the days, one damn day at a time. I breastfed my son for 147 days, just 1 month short of my goal of 6 months. And Im proud. It wasnt easy, perhaps the hardest thing I ever did (other than infertility & loss). In fact, it was harder than laboring for 22 hours with him. Dont get me wrong, it was wonderful at times. Gummy smiles, boob drunk sleeps, breastsleeping. All the feels. I wouldnt change it for the world. But it was so hard. And the world doesnt make it any easier on someone struggling. They are always trying to provide another suggestion or advice, when sometimes what a mom needs is simple understanding. I didnt know how tough quitting would be on me, not just mentally but physically too. Ive experienced withdrawls including headaches, dizziness, nausea. Its no joke. We have been weaning for about 2 weeks now & Ive shed lots of tears. Ive watched him go from eating to just looking for comfort. And although I know without a doubt the timing was right (prolly even sooner than now), it is SO bittersweet. I can only hope that I get to experience this bond again one day. If not, no regrets. 

147 days ❤️

3 Months

Miracle is offically 3 months old now, which means mommy & daddy survived what is said to be one of the toughest times by most. There have definitely been some challenges, but there has also been so much laughter (no coincidence our boys name means full of laughter). He is such a blessing. 

I think the most difficult things we have faced are feeding and sleeping (and working from home, but I’ll save this 1 for another post).  Pretty sure most new parents would say the same things if they had to pinpoint something. We finally have feeding under control, but it took us a full 12 weeks. Sleeping, on the other hand, not so much! 

As I mentioned in my prior posts, baby has reflux pretty bad with my breastmilk. I tried LOTS of different things (eliminating foods, adding rice cereal, diff bottles, nipples, etc) in hopes of him being able to drink my milk. One late night as I was feeding him, and searching Dr. Google, I came across a product called Gelmix. Its a USDA approved all organic thickening agent. I ordered it and its been a God send for us.  He now drinks all my milk no problem, and we were able to stop the special formula he was on. 

TONS of times I almost threw in the towel with my milk, from low supply to tongue and lip ties, to reflux and thrush. BF doesnt work for everyone, and in no way should anyone feel guilty if they did throw in the towel, but Im just saying Im glad I didnt. And if you are out there and struggling with baby feedings, know you arent alone. 

Sleep. Oh my. Why do I fall for all these fancy sleep aids? We have SO many darn sleep oriented items its not even funny. Maybe soon I will accept the realization that the way he sleeps is just part of his normal development. For a few giggles, I will tell you some of the things I have tried (marketers must know sleep deprived people will buy almost anything).  

• Swaddles-velcro, zip, tie, swaddle up, down, every which way. Every brand. Blankets included. 
• Magic sleep suit-worked for a few weeks until his Moro Reflex overpowered it. Side note-reflex is still going strong. 
• Zip-a-Dee-Zip gown (shown on Shark Tank) or something like that? Was an immediate return. 
• Dock-a-Tot-first 2 nights thought it was a win, 3rd night a total fail. Still trying. 
• We have also slept (or tried to sleep in) snuggle nests, pack and plays, crib, swing, boppy, you name it. 
• Sound machines (bought two now), lotions (which are not secret potions lol), goodnight prayers…need I go on?? 

I know, I know…accept the fact we arent sleeping and move on. It could be much worse. 

Some miletones to note at 13 weeks old-

• Rolling over! This happened just before 12 weeks. Tummy to back only.
• Head control 
• Chuckling out loud (this is the best) 
• Recognizing people (mostly nanna) on Facetime…no joke-he stares at the phone & laughs like crazy
• Sucking on his fist & drooling
• Holding toys and blankets on his own, grabbing them as well

Everyday I thank God for our miracle. As I was sterilizing all his bottles and he watched me from across the room just smiling, I thought about how much less anxiety I have now. When going through those IVF cycles and when pregnant, it was through the roof. Yes, I still worry about him, but it is different because he is HERE. Thinking of all you out there who are still chasing your dream(s).  

10 Things No One Told Me About Being a New Mom

1. Breastfeeding *can* be the most rewarding, yet most frustrating thing you will ever do. 
2. That (damn) Moro Reflex, once deemed cute, will undoubtedly keep both you & your baby from sleep at some point. 
3. Opening a bag of chips will wake your baby from peaceful slumber while something as loud as siren probably wont. Eat all the chips you can now. 
4. In the same day it is possible to feel like the worst mom ever one minute and just the opposite the next. 
5. Deep sleep is hard to come by. You realize you will sleep soundly again one day when you die. But not until then. 
6. Forget watching a TV program all the way through without any interruption. Binge watch when pregnant. 
7. Pretty much anything you swore you wouldnt do, you will do, so better off not saying it. 
8. Getting peed, pooped, drooled, or spit up on (notice I didnt say vomit here) isnt really that bad after all. Not being facetious here. 
9. You will likely have a whole new set of appreciation for your own parents, especially your mom. Yes, it sounds cliche, but it is true. 
10. It is possible to care for another human being (that has been in your life for just a short time) with a love so pure you never knew existed.

A Day in our Life

I figured it would be nice to record what a typical day looks like at home with our newborn son. I am documenting things in his baby book as well. So what does a “normal” day in our life look like? 

• Get up with daddy about 6 am so he can spend time with baby before he leaves for work (mom usually sleeps through this feed & diaper change bc daddy is so great!) 
• Get up with mommy about 8 am and get a diaper change. Then nurse as mommy drinks the coffee daddy made for her with the amazing Ninja machine 
• Go in the mamaRoo for a swing as mommy tries to eat breakfast, tend to the dogs, wash bottles, wash & fold laundry, etc. 
• Nurse again! Get on my playmat for awhile & play with mommy, do some bicycle kicks & get tummy rubs
• Naptime (sometimes) while mommy eats lunch, and Nanna visits

• Outside time enjoying the fresh air on our porch, usually with bottle of formula so boobs get a little break lol
• Mommy reads books aloud that play music or talk in the nursery
• Daddy comes home & mommy gets to shower (sometimes even nap since it never happens during the day) and have an adult beverage. Daddy feeds me a bottle. 
• Tummy time & bath take place! Still hating the sponge baths. 
• Bedtime-baby boy loves to be swaddled up and wear mittens to sleep after he nurses. 
• Up every 2 hrs to eat and get changed with mommy 

All of this easily changes depending on baby boys mood. For example, if he is constipated or gassy, add in a few hours of crying as an activity! Even when that happens, I try to do all of the above at some point during our day together. Hoping to add in daily stroller walks now since it has been a month since my c-section and the weather is so nice. What else do you mommies do during the days with your babes?

So blessed to have the opportunity to do all the things I always dreamed of with my miracle!

Rookie Mom Musings

Its hard to imagine my life now without our little IVF miracle in it. I am so grateful everyday that he is finally here. Sometimes I still dont believe it, sometimes I get scared and think about losing him (thanks to our past losses). 

Overall, things are going very well. Baby boy is almost a month old now. Boy, how time flies. Everyday is a learning experience, below are some things that have been happening so far-

• Isaac has gained a pound since he was born! He is now 8 lbs, 11 oz. This is great news. Between the breastfeeding, pumping, & formula, I was not sure if he was gaining enough. Turns out he is right on track. 
• Gripe Water and Mylicon are very helpful for infant gas. They have done wonders for our son in this department. 
• The “witching hours” are a real thing. They happen nightly from about 7pm until midnight or so. 
• I plan to start baby wearing in the next week if possible, probably after my post partum appt. and finding out all looks good with my c-section incision. He is at the stage now where he constantly wants to be held. We have both a Solly and an Ergo 360 to try out. 
• The Moro Reflex that babies do is so cute. I am noticing he does it less and less as he gets older. Can we slow down time just a little bit?
• Isaac likes both car and stroller rides so far, he just sleeps the whole time. Thank God! 
• I have broken some of the after c-section recovery rules…for instance, I have been bathing since week 3 and was told not to until week 6. It is my saving grace after a long day. 
• Baby boy has many nicknames-little burrito, stinkarooskie, and buddy to name a few. 
• Newborn photography is NOT cheap. We met with our photographer and got to see all the photos she took, and I really have no clue how we will choose which package to purchase. We need to decide if we want to buy an album, digital files, or individual prints. As of now, I am pretty sure we are going with an album that includes about 25 photos (shown below) and a 17×26 canvas to hang in our formal dining room. My mom plans to purchase a couple digital files so we can always access them down the road. I really want to buy digital files as well, but financially its not feasible. 

• Baby acne is not cute. Enough said here.
• After getting the OK from our pediatrician, I had my first beer yesterday in about 11 months! It was greaaaaat.
• My Blanqui post partum leggings are a lifesaver. They literally are all I have worn out of the house since giving birth. I also have a pair of Lula Roe’s, which I like for comfort, but the Blanqui’s def hold in the flab better. 
• Just like our dogs have different barks, Isaac has different cries. We are starting to recognize which is which-hunger cry, tired cry, hold me cry, change me cry, etc. 
• Isaac has a obvious tongue tie and lip tie which are affecting our feedings. I will post more about this soon as I am still processing it all myself. 

The 4th Trimester

Some observations and things to note as Isaac turns 2 weeks old tomorrow-

• The site where my c-section incision was is still numb…I am wondering if I have permanent nerve damage or if this is normal? 
• No one tells you how constipated you will be after a c-section. Sorry if TMI, but I mean seriously. I have had other surgeries and been behind, but this is like no other. Awful! 
• I gained 40 lbs total while pregnant, dropped 20 lbs within the first week of delivering him, and am sure the remaining 20 will be much harder. 
• Our baby boy sleeps for about 2-3 hours at a time between feedings and throughout the night. This is not bad from what I hear from other newborn parents. 
• Although he sleeps “good” for a newborn, I am still feeling sleep deprived. I have decided that sleep deprivation is probably a form of torture somewhere in the world. 
• Baby boy has been doing tummy time everyday and can already lift his head and turn it side to side. I cant believe how strong he is. 
• I am still breastfeeding, pumping, and supplementing with formula. During our hospital stay, Isaac had low blood sugar and needed formula. I have continued to give him some each night, but I hope to wean him off it soon. 
• I am pumping about 3-4 ounces total each session. I am hoping this increases with time??? 
• Isaac hiccups a lot, and doesnt tend to burp much, the doctor said this is normal, but I am hoping it eases up and we can get some belches out of him soon. I purchased some Gripe Water and will give it to him soon if not. 
• Dr. Brown’s bottles seem to be the best fit for our boy. So far we have also tried Avent, Tommee Tippee, & Playtex.
• Baby boy has visited his pediatrician twice so far and is almost back to his birth weight. All else looks good. 
• I do not want hubby to leave us this week and go back to work! It has been amazing having him home. Can we hit the lotto please?!?
• Time is flying by. Part of me wants Isaac to grow because he is so fragile and I worry about things like SIDs. The other part of me cries even thinking about him growing so fast.
• I have no clue if I could handle being pregnant again (we have 1 frostie left), and I am talking mentally, not physically.  Or maybe I mean both. It was extremely tough on me both ways. 
• Isaac currently sleeps in his mamaRoo in our bedroom. They should call this thing a lifesaver! He did not like the Halo bassinest much. Thank God we got it second hand at a thrift store and didnt pay full price, as it has been converted to an additional changing table in our room. 
• The dogs are adjusting well overall to baby’s arrival. If anything they are just curious and protective already. We included them both in our newborn photos we had taken. 
• Isaac loves to pee (and poop occasionally) all over us as soon as we take off his diaper. He has ruined many outfits already.
• The future of this blog is unknown. I will always be an infertile, but a new chapter of our lives has now begun, and it may be time to rest Surviving Infertility. 

Diary of a Pregnant Woman, Vol. 4

We attended the Breastfeeding 101 class at the hospital this past week. I had already been to a prior boob class hosted by some local doulas, but that was with a friend and not with hubby. Hubby wanted to learn, and I figured the more info the better. And I did actually pick up on a few things that I hadnt in the doula session. Main points of the class-

• Day 2 of breastfeeding is the hardest 
• Various feeding positions (we practiced with dolls)
• The 9 stages of the first hour after birth leading to feeding (the “golden” hour)
• How much and how often baby feeds 
• The role dad can play in the process (bring baby to mom, burp baby before and after, change baby before & after, make sure baby is latched right, positions, etc.) 
• Bring pillows to the hospital so you are comfy breastfeeding 
• When to introduce bottles
• The benefits of breastfeeding 

And so much more! Im SURE this will be a learn as you go process, but hopefully we are well equipped with some strategies to help us should we run into any trouble. If not, the lactation specialists seem quite helpful too. 

News this week?

One of my best friends had her baby girl! She welcomed her into the world on 9/22 (first day of fall!) about a week past her due date. We visited them at the hospital and she is absolutely adorable! It was very surreal for hubby and I to go to the hospital to visit a baby. We have NEVER done this before. Its always been too hard. I was still nervous deep inside, but also so incredibly happy for them. I cant wait to raise our sweet babies together!! 

We are just over 27 weeks preggo now. I cant believe the 3rd trimester and our second viability goal of 28 weeks is upon us. Thank you, God! After this, it is 32 weeks. Getting there will be such a sigh of relief. Praying the time goes by without a hitch…our baby shower is in 2 weeks (all the RSVP’s are in & we will have just over 30 attending), and then our maternity photos. Also, our weekly labor & delivery classes begin & a few doctor appointments to see Miracle again.

I sent my RE some recent pics of me, hubby, & baby Isaac via Facebook. I hadnt talked to her since we were about 16 weeks and I missed her! We chatted back & forth, and I thanked her again for all she did for us over the past 3 years and 4 IVF cycles. She never gave up on us. After our boy is here we will surely be taking him in to see her! Oh, and I snuck in the question about our 1 & only frozen embryo left…what is the recommended time frame between delivering a baby and transferring an embryo? Answer-1 year. Hubby & I have some plans about it, but Ill save that for a much later post. Lets just get Miracle here safe & sound! 

Symptoms? 

Braxton Hicks. The other day they were very frequent and I got worried and thought about heading to L & D for a check. Thankfully, they subsided and I didnt need to go. Stay away BH!  

Baby boy & my uterus have def grown because Im feeling him and seeing him above my belly button now. So crazy, yet amazing at the same time.