Moving Forward

Today I met with our RE for the complimentary follow up visit after an IVF cycle fail. Commonly known to IVF frequenters as the WTF appt.

Even though we know there will be no more IVF in the future & have voiced it to our clinic already, there were still some things to visit. The start of the meeting was somewhat somber with my RE saying again how bummed she was that the last little one did not make it. I tried not to focus too much on it not working, instead I told her how blessed we are that it worked with Miracle. How many women out there never get even 1 baby here on Earth after numerous IVF’s. Of course we talked about the embryo’s quality, the transfer, my protocol, etc. but it was brief as I did not feel the need to search for answers on why it did not stick.

We went on to reminisce about what a miracle he really is & that day back in May 2016 when we found out I was not only pregnant with him, but also with a baby in my tube. A.k.a. my heterotopic pregnancy experience from FET3. She told me how she shares my success story with other women in her practice often to give them hope. Specifically those who have to undergo a major surgery when pregnant, that it can work out. I cried when she told me that because if there was ever any good to come out of all the loss and hurt and IVF crap other than my son, it is giving hope to someone who needs it the most. From there we somehow got into talking about this blog and supporting women in the trenches.

At one point I actually forgot I was talking to my doctor as it was more like a conversation you have with a close friend. And thats when I realized she is a friend. Im truly lucky to have found a doctor like her.

We will be doing a sperm analysis in the weeks that follow. If you have been following along for awhile, you know we are affected by Male Factor Infertility. Back in 2013, my husband underwent a Varicocele Repair. We did IVF 6 months later and that is the last time a sperm analysis was done. It has been almost 5 years now. We are curious to see what it yields. It is out of our hands now & in His.

Saying Good-bye Again

The title may seem alarming, so let me assure you that we are not saying good-bye to another baby. Thank God. Instead, I am saying bye to my job once again. 

As many of you know, I am a teacher and sufferred through 3 IVF cycles, all to followed by miscarriages, while in the classroom. After the 3rd loss, I resigned for various reasons (mostly for my sanity), but long story short, I ended up only taking the summer off before heading back into the classroom yet again this past year. I must say I am so happy that my arm was twisted a bit and I got to put in one more year at my amazing “A” rated school.

When we got pregnant from this 4th IVF cycle back in April, I ended up having to take yet another medical leave in May due to it being a heterotopic pregnancy. Between the recovery from that surgery, and a large SCH that popped up, I never made it back to finish the year off with my students. 

As usual, the school that I had been at for the past 6 years was more than understanding. I had a wonderful team of adminstrators and teachers who took over and got done what needed to be to keep things going smoothly. For that, I am forever grateful.  

After my SCH cleared up, I found out I had complete placenta previa about a month ago. I was, once again, put on limited movement. It was then I realized that since we found out we were pregnant back in April I have pretty much been on bed rest and pelvic rest. 

The good news is that my previa is moving and it is already marginal, not complete anymore. However, both my OB and MFM doctor feel that being on rest has served us good throughout my pregnancy so far. Hubby and I have to agree. This is the farthest along we have ever gotten. 

Which brings us to the good-bye. Per doctors orders, my medical leave will be extended until baby comes in December. After that, I will continue my maternity leave as I originally planned until the end of the school year. This being said, I will be out for the whole year. 

Once again, I have received open arms from my principal and team mates about this situation. This really helps because I hate to disappoint those who count on me. Plus, lets face it, being home all the time allowing your mind to race isnt the easiest thing. And financially, well, I dont even need to go there, because most middle class folks understand the struggle here. But staying home, stress free, off my feet all day, is the BEST thing for a healthy full term baby and thats the priority right now. We simply cannot risk it. 

So that was the “big” secret I mentioned in my last post. It might not seem “big” to some, but I love my job and will miss it a lot. I guess we will see what Fall 2017 has to bring for me and my teaching career…

Heterotopic Pregnancy Awareness

Since my near death experience, and the loss of yet another pregnancy, I have been thinking about if there is some good that could come from it all (other than the beautiful life still inside of my uterus of course). 

Although I do not know the exact answer as to why it all happened to me, and likely never will, I do know that it is now my responsibility to bring awareness to this rare, dangerous condition.  

When I first started experiencing spotting that Thursday morning, I was just 1 day short of 5 weeks pregnant. It was initially light, and mostly brown. I didnt think much of it. I chalked it up to implantation bleeding since it was so early on.  

We had just transferred two beautiful embryos 14 days prior and had received the news it worked. Our betas that week came back very high. We all (doctor included) immediately thought twins. We were thrilled. 

The spotting continued and started to turn to pink and red bleeding. By Sunday, I was experiencing sharp, shooting pains on my left side (posterior) by my hip. I called the on call service at my clinic and they set me up an appointment for Monday morning. I was sure I was miscarrying again. 

Monday morning I went in for an ultrasound. My RE was on vacation so my nurse performed the scan. I was just 5 weeks and 3 days, so there was very well a possibility of seeing nothing. But she did see one gestational and yolk sac. I was initally surprised by only one, especially with my high numbers and transferring 2. She reminded me that by next week we could see the other sac since it was so early on. The scan was over with in a few minutes, and she reassured me that bleeding early on in pregnancy is common. 

I went on my way, grateful that I had a life growing inside of me and that I hadnt miscarried. The bleeding didnt stop though. Within 2 days it was gushing out of me. I went in for a blood test to make sure my levels werent dropping. They were perfect. 

Over the next few days, I bled, passing a few clots and just feeling off. Something didnt seem right. I was 6 weeks and 2 days when things took a turn for the worse. I woke up in the middle of the night to a sharp, stabbing, shooting pain like I had never felt before. Again, it was on my left posterior side by my hip. This time though, a week later, it was much more intense. I got up, and tried to make it to the bathroom as I was seeing stars. It felt as if I had too much to drink and the room was spinning. I was either miscarrying or dying in my mind. I puked in my mouth. It was awful. 

I called the doctor (who was now back in town) the next morning. By this time, I could barely move. It felt as if I was being crushed. I couldnt even take a deep breath. She told me to come in right away. 

Immediately she saw a beating heart. I was happy but knew something still was not right. This time, instead of telling me bleeding is common early on, she started to really scan me. She was in there for about 10 minutes at least, having me move certain ways and such. 

At that point it became clear-our other embryo had implanted into my left tube. It had now ruptured and I was bleeding internally. Blood was all thoughout my stomach, up to my liver. She gave it one more day and I would have been gone. 

The point of me sharing this is to help someone out there. Not once, did anyone, myself included, consider that I could have had a tubal pregnancy until it ruptured. Especially since I had a uterine pregnancy. I do believe if the uterine pregnancy wasnt there, it would have been found sooner. All the signs of a tubal pregnancy were there but we were all blinded. 

In my case, things worked out for the best. My RE was able to remove my tube and save me and my uterine pregnancy. Had my nurse found it when my RE was out of town, I dont know how it would have played out. I know my RE is the only one I wanted operating on me, hence God works in mysterious ways. 

Heterotopic pregnancies via IVF are a 1 in 10,000 occurrence. In natural pregnancies, I believe it is even more rare, not sure of the exact number, something like 1 in 30,000. Many are under the impression that IVF cannot result in a tubal pregnancy, which is simply not the case. When an IVF transfer is done, the embryos are placed into the uterus through a catheter. Hubby & I watched this happen on the screen as little white dots. Once in the uterus, they are basically floating around, looking for a spot to implant. They can go wherever they please. 

In no way am I a doctor, but here are some signs that I feel should not be ignored or accepted as common, especially after placing 2 embryos in the uterus and getting back extremely high betas-

• Continous bleeding that starts as spotting, goes from brown to pink to red and back again 
• Sharp shooting pains in the hips on the posterior side 
• Vision obscured 
• Having difficulty breathing
• Feeling that something is just not right (listen to your body!) 

I hope I can turn our sadness to some good, and that this post can save someones life, their tube, their baby, whatever it might be. 

A Miracle in the Making

I wont keep anyone waiting for this update, because I know how many of you have reached out over the past few days with prayers and support and are following along.  

We went in today for my 7 week ultrasound (well, 6w6d) and my post-op. I was very nervous to go, and told hubby I didnt even want to go at one point. My nerves were confirmed by my blood pressure reading before the scan. It was off the chart. 

Right away, my RE was able to find the heartbeat! It had increased from 115bpm to 130bpm as it should. Baby measured exactly on track. We listened for awhile and just held hands and smiled. I thanked God out loud & said what a miracle.

She then checked my incisions and said things appear to he healing as they should. We looked over all the gory pics from the operation as well. Yuk! Lastly, she noticed 2 small subchorionic bleeds during the scan and wants me on bedrest until my next scan at 8 weeks. So I got a doctors note, hubby took it to my job, and we are all set there. Im going to do my best not to worry about these bleeds. I know how common they are, and that baby has shown to be a fighter so far. We can only pray baby stays this way!

Thanks to my wonderful co-workers/friends, I have some reading to keep me company over the next week or so! They put together a lovely care package for me and had flowers delivered. Feeling incredibly blessed today. 

Recovery

I am still in a lot of shock about what has happened. However, I think I am recovering pretty well. Thank you to everyone who has reached out, and I havent had the chance to reply to yet. 

Today is the first day I can shower since the operation, which is good news. We were able to change the bandages yesterday and ice the wounds which felt nice. Mom & hubby have been caring for me around the clock. Sleeping has been tough because I cant really move much. Its getting a little better each day though. Lets just say the ass shots havent been the easiest either, its like just stab me & get it over with because I cant roll over or lay on my stomach. 

Yesterday I got to the kitchen table on my own and ate lunch there which is progress (I had only been eating in bed).  Im also getting up and down on my own to pee now. Speaking of peeing, after surgery I couldnt pee easily at all. I had to run the water for a few minutes before it would come. Its now coming on its own! No blood or cramping, thank God.

My RE called to check on me yesterday. I told her the pain is localized to the stomach where Im cut. She thought it was excellent news that I wasnt having any cramping in my uterus as far as miracle baby goes. We will see for sure tomorrow. Such a big day. 

It is starting to sink in more mentally that we lost another pregnancy. Whether in the tube or not. She did tell me there was no heartbeat in that baby. It still hurts though. A loss is a loss. Im sure Ill be sorting through these feelings for awhile to come. Im praying that after this loss and the loss of my tube, that our miracle stays with us. Another loss would be just devastating. 

1 in 10,000

Well, yesterday was quite a day to say the least. As we all know by now, I had been spotting/bleeding/whatever you want to call it, for about 10 days. My betas all came back normal-805 at 10dpt6dt, 2500 at 12dpt6dt, 5100 at 14dpt6dt, and 23,000 at 19dpt6dt.  My progesterone levels always looked great at > 30.  We saw a gestational sac, yolk sac, & fetal pole at 5w3d. We also saw no evidence of a SCH, or any other reason for the blood. 

That brings us to Sunday night. Around 10 pm, I started experiencing sharp, stabbing pains on my left side. I got up and headed to the bathroom, sure I was losing our baby. I almost threw up on the way to the bathroom, and I literally saw stars and felt the room spinning. I wasnt bleeding heavily, so I tried to chalk it up and decided to deal with it in the morning. 

I barely slept because of the pain, and when morning came, I felt as if I had 200 pounds sitting on top of me. I couldnt even take a deep breath. My RE said to come in right away. My mom drove me down, and I was prepared once again to hear the worst. But to our lovely surprise, there was baby, with its little heart beating away, at just over 115 bpm. I couldnt believe my eyes or ears, I just thanked the Lord over & over.  

Shortly after the amazing news, the  investigation began. My RE wanted to search around a little and see if she could find where the source of the bleeding/pain was coming from. I knew something was wrong because her & the nurse kept looking, pointing, and talking, and the scan was taking much longer than it ever does (about 10 minutes).  

Finally, she told me the news. The other embryo we had transferred had implanted in my left tube. I had a heterotopic (uterine & tubal) pregnancy, a 1 in 10,000 occurrence. I sat in shock and disbelief as she showed us the screen.  Was this really happening???

She could see blood in my stomach, all the way up to my rib cage under my liver. It had ruptured and I was bleeding internally, hence the horrific pain and bleeding. She started talking crazy about maternal death, and saving my life, and by then, I was just zoning in and out.  She said I needed to go to the ER immediately for her to operate. I was losing my left tube, and another baby. 

At this point, there was no other option. My focus shifted solely to whether or not our other baby in utero would make it. There was a 5-10% chance it wouldnt survive the surgery. Its all I could think about, even though I was technically dying myself. We rushed over to the ER, and they started all the business. EKG, bloodwork, another ultrasound, paperwork of history, etc. 

They went over receiving a blood transfusion with me, should I need one. We discussed the safest anesthesia I could get pregnant. My husband and my mom prayed with me and I was wheeled off. Did I forget to mention it was to the same room I had my D & C from our last baby?? I was out pretty quick thankfully. 

The surgery lasted a good hour and a half. My RE went in through my stomach laprascopically, and made 3 incisions. She did have to remove my left tube entirely. They also removed 150 cc of blood from inside my stomach and other locations, saving my life. 

When I woke up, I heard the best news…baby in utero still had a strong heartbeat after the surgery!!  Thank you, Jesus! My RE informed us that the 48 hours following surgery would play a significant role in baby making it or not. We go back Thursday to see. 

I am surviving now. The pain is pretty intense, but its localized to the stomach area where I was cut. Peeing and moving are the worst. I have already stopped bleeding and have no pains or uterus cramps. I was so scared I would wake up with them from the surgery but I didnt. My RE said she never went near my uterus. Another miracle. 

I am taking vicodin only as needed, and I must be out of work for a week or so on bedrest.  Im really still in shock, but incredibly grateful for listening to my body, having a wonderful medical staff, & a fighting baby still inside of me.  

Our due date is set for 12-25-16. A Christmas miracle. Praying every minute  we make it.