Hello 3rd Trimester

Its hard to believe both October & the 3rd trimester are upon us! Less than 12 weeks to go now.

I had my 1 hour glucose test this morning. I actually did a 2 hr test back when we were trying to figure out the cause of my recurrent pregnancy loss, so I was prepared for how yucky it is. This time I didnt get a flavor choice (boo!) and got stuck with orange. I did lemon lime the first time and it was much better! The orange burned as I was chugging it down and gave me a slight headache accompained by minor nausea. 

The nurse drew my blood for this and also did a CBC, my results should be in within the week. The midwife measured my fundal height which was between 28-29 weeks, and I am 28 weeks + 3 days so that was all good. She also did the doppler and his heartbeat was as usual. We chatted about movement, which I have noticed just in the past week has picked up a lot. I dont find myself needing to count like I was because its pretty consistent throughout the days now. I am happy about this bc counting sort of drives me mad! 

We also discussed vaginal v. c-section birth. I explained my fears both ways, and told her I just want to do whatever is safest for my baby. She listened and offered some personal stories in regards to my concerns. Long story short, she told me to prep for a vaginal birth as long as he isnt breech, or too large.  Our first labor class starts tomorrow and I am anxious for it. They told us to bring a yoga mat and 2 pillows…hopefully we will gain some valuable knowledge from these sessions! 

In other news…all good things must come to an end. Let me explain. We had our fresh IVF cycle back in March 2014, in which 7 out of our 8 embryos were frozen at that time. Since that time, we have had 4 total transfers (1 fresh + 3 frozen). Thankfully all of our embies have been kept free of charge at our RE’s office. We havent paid storage on any of our frosties, which has been wonderful as storage fees can get pretty pricey. Well, as I said, all good things must come to an end! We got a call this week from the storage company informing us that we need to update our forms on file as they will be picking up our one & only embryo at our RE’s office. I must say I was a bit sad, I loved our embryo being right where I know it is, safe & sound. However, I realize this is protocol and we got away with it for over 2 years now. Time to cough up more cash…nothing new in the world of IVF. 

As Im sure many of you know, the embryo storage forms make you think of morbid things like death of one partner, death of both partners, divorce, etc. In the middle of filling out the forms, I burst into tears. Thanks pregnancy hormones! I told hubby in the case I should die, I want him to have ownership of our embryo. I suggested that should he ever marry again, he could (have the option to) transfer our embryo into his new wife. He looked at me in disbelief, and thats when I lost it. This may sound odd to some, but its how I feel. We also agreed on the same should he pass before we transfer again. And if we both die, we elected to donate our child. Sounds really weird typing that. We couldnt come to terms with disposal, and we didnt want to transfer ownership to anyone and have that on their shoulders either. We will pay storage quarterly, and then revisit transferring Uno December of next year. 

My OB appts are now every 2 weeks, not sure of the MFM frequency as of yet. I see them this week for a growth scan, and I want to bring up a few things like NSTs and biophysical profiles. I dont want to fall to the wayside because things have continued to look good. I want to make sure we stay on top of things, especially monitoring later on as this can help prevent stillbirth. 

My baby shower is this weekend!!! How insane. I am super excited about it, but also anxious at the same time. I cried yesterday to hubby about it, and he reassured me that I deserve this shower. My aunt is flying in today, and then others follow throughout the week. I feel like I have so much to do still (thank God for cleaning ladies) before the shower…stop by the flower shop, finalize games, get my wedding ring cleaned, eyebrows waxed, nails done, etc. Im sure it will all come together though. Will post an update of it all soon! 

Diary of a Pregnant Woman, Vol. 3

We completed session 2 of the Parenting & Infant Care Class this week. Let me tell you, session 2 was MUCH better than session 1! If you recall, session 1 was basically all the ways you can kill your baby. Session 2 not at all. Instead we learned-

• How to properly burp baby 
• How to change baby’s diaper
• How to swaddle baby right (I think this was our favorite)
• How to put a shirt on baby correctly 
• How to bath baby
• How to care for the circumcised weenie
• How to take care of the umbilical cord site 
• Some normal infant conditions not to worry about (cradle cap, swollen scrotum, rash, etc.) 
• Different brands and types of products for baby (bum creams, bottles, nipples, detergents, diaper brands, etc.) 

Overall, it was an enjoyable class! Unfortunately, the instructor must have scared away quite a bit of the group from session 1, as only a few people showed up for session 2. Next week, we have our breastfeeding class at the hospital together. Hubby will attend as they go over dad’s role, and we both want him to be involved even though I plan to breastfeed. 

We are 26 weeks today!! Can you believe it? I can’t! Last week, Miracle had his first growth scan at the MFM. He was in the 65% percentile and close to 2 lbs. My cervix measured over 3 again, heartbeat in the 140’s as usual, and the report was great. As hubby & I sat in the doctors office and she said “I got nothing, all looks as it should,” we just looked at each other in awe. Hearing nothing is wrong never gets old after you have heard something is wrong so much. Since all has continued to go well, they dont want to see me back until I enter the 3rd trimester in a few weeks. This is the longest I will have gone without an appointment! But I believe I can do it! 

Symptoms? 

Other than the 30 lb weight gain total, headaches this week. Braxton Hicks still happening. Carpal tunnel continues at night and at times like this when Im typing! Food not sounding as good as Id like it to. Peeing A LOT. In fact, the other night baby boy must have been right on top of my bladder. It felt as if his foot was pushing on it and pressure was going to my cervix. It was like a pinching feeling and Id jump when Id feel it. I did not like it bc I thought he might be on his way out! I kept peeing and finally he moved away. Phew! 

The best symptom? He is still kicking away, and even though its early, I do a kick count everyday and he passes. Thank God. 

Exciting news?

Someone bought the carseat off our registry for us! Really happy because obviously this is a neccessity. After the shower in a few weeks, we will install it and have a car seat inspector check it out. The hospital gave us the info of the offices who do this in the area & I thought what a great service! I guess so many people install them wrong & have no clue until its too late. 

My bff from Ohio is coming to my shower! Along with 2 of my cousins and two of my aunts from up north. I feel so honored, and cant wait to see them.

A couple bump pics of me lately…

Thinking of you all…

Viability

Not only are the best months of the year finally here (the ‘ber months), but so is viability. We made it. 6 months pregnant. God is good! 

Our 24 week ultrasound today showed that baby is growing on track, now just over 1 and 1/2 lbs., my fluid level is good, and my cervix is still closed & long, measuring over 4. We are so thankful. 

I know I have said it before, but this is truly a day we did not think was possible after years of trying to conceive on our own, 2 failed IUIs, several major surgeries, 4 IVF cycles, & 4 consecutive losses. But here we are, one day closer to bringing our miracle baby boy home. I promised myself I would relax more once we got to this point, so I am really going to *try* my best to do so. 

Our goal is to make it to 28 weeks now. I have a feeling it will come rather quickly, as we have a growth scan at the MFM and my glucose test during the few weeks until then. Also coming up in a month is our baby shower for which the invites got mailed this week. I really cant believe all these things are so close! 

Today I got my hair cut and I scheduled an appointment for both my make-up and my hair to be done for our maternity photo session. It takes some pressure off of me, as I am lousy at doing both of these. In addition, I made a mani/pedi appt for the shower and the shoot. I think I am all set in this department!

Symptoms? 

Still having some BH contractions here & there but have found drinking water totally helps. That said, my new routine is to get up and drink 64 ounces before noon each day. I make sure I get the suggested amount out of the way and then I just sip the rest of the day. Thank God I am off work, or I wouldnt be doing this because basically I am in the bathroom peeing all morning long! Seriously. Ive never been a big drinker either so sticking to a schedule is really helping out.

In the middle of the night, my hands and arms have been going numb here & there. I guess this could be a sign of carpal tunnel? At least thats what my Ovia pregnancy app had pop up as a common thing this week. Im not too worried about it, I just shake them out and it goes away.

Im getting picky about food again. Things arent sounding as great as Id like them to. Ugh. Eating as healthy as possible though, trying to incorporate in each of the food groups everyday. Thankfully I havent wanted sweets much at all, hoping this will help me pass my sugar test! 

Other news? 

We got everything we need to create the closet system in miracle’s room. Now that we have the materials, we plan to work on it over the long weekend. Im excited because I have lots of clothes and items to organize in there! Hubby pointed out how we are going to be jealous of the baby’s closet…how is it that he has a better one than us already? Lol. I might as well get used to it, part of being a parent I know!  

A Change of Heart

Since we have been pregnant I have been on the fence about if I want to do a maternity photo shoot or not. Its kind of odd because I love pictures, and have never been shy of a camera. In the past, I even dreamed of the day I could do a bump shoot. 

We take bump pics every week (in the privacy of our home), and have documented our infertility and pregnancy loss journey through photos closely on our Instagram account over the years. But still, something about the whole professional maternity shoot idea wasnt settling well with me all of a sudden. Hard to explain, but I think it triggered some sort of anxiety deep within my soul? 

I dont know what changed, but I am back on board with getting the photos done. I realize I may never have the chance again, and I want to embrace it while I can. So, I scheduled our session today and also ordered my outfit. I will be about 30 weeks for the shoot, and Im hoping it will work out that Im not too big or too small, but instead just right!

We were able to choose the location, and we decided on the beach for a sunset session. This is the polar opposite of our last shoot, which we did last year in the winter with snow falling in the background. I have included one below..

I feel like the difference in these two settings willcertainly align with the moods of the times in our lives. The beach should yield a much more carefree and airy mood, whereas the barren woods…well, need I say more? It was very solemn for us, and rightfully so. 

Anyways, I wont divulge too much about the details, but I will say I ordered my outfit off of a site called Sew Trendy Accessories. Im really excited for it to arrive! Its definitely only a one time wear, but its just beautiful. Hubby will be in some of the photos too, in which we will both be barefoot. 

Im undecided on my hair, I wanted to wear a floral crown but hubby & my mom both say no! They are trying to convince me to be more natural like the outfit is. That means Id have to do my hair though, and that is a problem. The extent of me doing my hair is straightening it. B-o-r-i-n-g! I suppose I will have my nails done, as our shower is just a few weeks before the shoot and I thought about doing them for that. 

In other news, we wont be doing an out of town babymoon. We hoped to, but between my pregnancy being high risk and me not working, it isnt feasible. Instead, we are going to do a few special date days/nights around where we live. A benefit to living in South Florida is that there are many places within driving distance that we dont need to stay overnight! Until next time…

A Cliffhanger

My OB just rang to let us know that our AFP test came back negative.  For those who dont know, this test measures for an elevated protein in the blood that indicates Spina Bifida. The Panorama test that ruled out trisomies earlier in our pregnancy did not test for this. So, of course, this is fantastic news! 

In other great news, my Medela In-Style Advanced Double Electric breast pump has arrived, free of charge thanks to my insurance. It was quite easy to apply for the pump. All I had to do was go to Medela’s site and enter my and my docs info. From my understanding, under the Affordable Care Act, most should qualify for a free pump. It is def worth checking out since pumps are so darn expensive nowadays. *Note-there is no income verfication for this. 

Symptoms? 

I have failed to add this piece into my last few posts. So here goes… Low back pain takes the cake. Its awful! Are there any ladies out there that can recommend a back brace/support for this?? I plan to ask my MFM at my next appointment, and if he cant assist, I may make an appointment with my orthopedic surgeon to see what he says. My scoliosis and herniated discs are not helping this situation Im sure. Things like the pool and stretching do relieve some pressure but I think I need more. 

Pregnancy brain is going strong. Usually math is my strong suit, and lately I have noticed my computation is quite off. I even forget things like what month or year it is. Crazy, I know. I have also been experiencing some “brain zaps” which I attribute to going off my Lexapro (generalized anxiety disorder medication). I hadnt advertised here that I was ever on Lexapro, but cat out of the bag, after our last loss occurred back in the spring of 2015 it was what was best for me.  I never mentioned it because some people tend to judge, especially those who have not experienced true anxiety or panic.  Anyways, I started weaning off of it this pregnancy at 12 weeks, and was completely done by 16 weeks. I knew prior to being pregnant this time that I wanted to be on it through at least the first trimester, but off of it before my 3rd trimester, as it *can* be associated with pre-term labor, poor lung development, withdrawls for baby, etc. Needless to say, I have been off for about 2 weeks now and almost all of my withdrawls are gone except for the odd brain zaps here & there. Id try to explain these zaps, but I dont know how. Anyone who has gone off of a medication probably knows what I mean. 

Being on the Lexapro/going off the Lexapro was a really tough decision, but we had the opinions of many doctors, close friends, and family to help us. In the beginning, the benefits outweighed the risks (and we thank God everyday that baby has proven to be healthy despite being on it), but the further along we get, the risks outweigh the benefits. U fortunately, I can definitely tell that my anxiety has come back since off of it, but it is manageable and I will survive. 

Other than preggo brain, anxiety, and backaches, Id say my only other symptoms would be difficulty sleeping at night and excessive hunger. Im used to sleeping on my stomach which is becoming harder by the day. Although none of these are anything to complain about…All worth it for baby boy! 

This week my mom and I are meeting with the cake lady to finalize the baby shower cake. I dont want to say too much about the cake, Id rather it be a surprise.  Speaking of surprises, we are about 98% sure of miracles first name! Picking baby names is tough, and boy names are even tougher. Throw in being a teacher and having had a student in your class with every name and you are screwed. Lol. We are really just debating middle names more than anything at this point. 

I do have some other major news to report (nothing to worry about), but it wont come until later in the week or next week. Ill leave you all in suspense until then…

*Feeling* Fireworks

Since my last post, and being diagnosed with the placenta previa, we have taken some major steps forward with our pregnancy. Positive ones that is.

First off, thank you so much to everyone who commented on this diagnosis, making me feel a lot better. I have realized just how common it is and how good the outlooks are for it with proper treatment. 

That being said, we have ordered some big nursery items! Pottery barn was having a 4th of July 25% off sale and we have been interested in their cribs due to the excellent quality. Hubby is big on the materials used when we buy furniture, so I listen to him because I really have no clue. We ended up ordering the crib we wanted for a great deal and I am so excited! Hubby said it is basically hand crafted. It should be here in about 2 weeks and I will give more details on it then. We also purchased a bookshelf and a changing table. Initially, we werent going to get a changing table, just use the top of a dresser, but we have decided not to get a dresser for now because hubby is redoing the closet and putting drawers in it. He plans to do something similar to this…

Buying these items was somewhat scary, because I still wonder ‘what if something goes wrong?’ but I am trying to work past those thoughts. All we need now is a rocker/glider, but we will hold off for a bit on it, although we have picked one out we both like. My mom offered to help with the furniture, but I refused since she is paying for our shower. I am hoping to register for the rest of our big items (mattress, stroller, baby monitor, car seat, high chair, play pen, mamaroo, etc.) and perhaps get them that way. I have been doing tons of research on the safest items, and have begun making some decisions. So far, I like to dedicate a day or so to each item, reading and watching videos, and then make a decision on which one we would like. 

In other EXCITING news, I officially felt our miracle baby boy move today!!! At first I wasnt sure what was going on, but then in a moment I knew what the rolling flutter in my tummy was. It was awesome. Fireworks went off inside of me. Ive been waiting a reallyyyy long time for this day and yet I feel at a loss for words about it. For all of you who are reading this, and think it will never happen or it seems so far out of reach right now, dont give up. I am so glad we didnt, even though we wanted to many times. Keep believing. 

To celebrate this milestone, I bought a temperature gauge for the bathtub so I could take a warm bath. I havent had one since March, and I used to take them daily. 

This guy is my new BFF. LOL. The bath was so relaxing and I didnt worry since I could see the temp the whole time. 

As I type this, I can hear tons of fireworks going off outside. Hubby is at work, the dogs are in hiding, and I am tucked into bed. I hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th! Sending love~

A Series of Unfortunate Events

A mutual friend of ours who lives out of state is getting married in a month.  Actually, it is the friend that formally introduced my husband & I 15 years ago.  Up until February, we had every intention of attending his wedding. We planned to make it about a week-long trip or so, in which we would see numerous friends and family members.  Some of the friends we see each year when we travel north, or when they travel south, yet others we haven’t seen in many moons.  Many of these friends were pregnant, just like I was.  The only difference is that they still are pregnant, and unfortunately, I’m not.

In addition to us attending the wedding on the trip, while we were there we would be celebrating one of our nephews birthdays, and my husbands as well.  Since I was pregnant, we had decided to drive rather than fly. As a recurrent miscarrier, I was scared to death to fly pregnant. I barely drove my car, so forget flying on a plane. No way.

Back in January, when I was around 9 weeks along, my mom and aunt started planning our baby shower. Yes, you heard right, that early the planning was already in the works.  The shower is something I haven’t talked of publicly. I guess I wasn’t ready to until now. It must have hurt too bad.

Since we have so many friends and family living out of the state we reside in, they planned to throw our shower up north so we could enjoy everyone’s company.  Kind of similar to what we did with our wedding.  They had already started looking at venues, food choices, and decorations.  My mom & I went and looked at some cute shower invitations one lazy Sunday afternoon during my pregnancy.  We even set the date for June 14th, the weekend prior to the wedding.  It seemed all of the events would fit perfectly together…a wedding, 2 birthdays, and a baby shower all in 1 trip!

I know all this shower planning may sound premature to some of you, considering I was just 9 weeks along.  But what you might not realize is that we had seen our baby’s heartbeat 4 times before it stopped beating that early February morning.  The chance of us miscarrying that pregnancy was under 5%.  The chance of us miscarrying 3 times was only 1%.  Both still somehow happened to us.

And just like that, with our loss, everything we had planned around the trip was ruined; the entire trip was tainted.  Maybe this seems selfish of us to think this way.  Two great people are still getting married.  Can’t we just go and celebrate that? A year ago, after 1 loss, we would have.  I’m confident we would have sucked it up and gone after the 2nd loss, too.  But not the 3rd.  We simply cannot do it.

Why can’t we do it? For one, the swarms of pregnant women that would be surrounding us if we did go.  And you must understand when I say surrounding us, I literally mean it.  I can think of 7 we would visit with in just 1 short week’s time, maybe more if we ventured off the beaten path. 3 of which I would probably be seated with at a table during the reception, and 2 due within a week of our due date.  I forgot to add that a newborn would be around us, too. And then, aside from all that, there is reason number two on why we just can’t fathom going– our baby shower that was supposed to be.

Does this mean we aren’t happy for these soon to be parents? No, it doesn’t mean that at all…we are happy for them!  Is it the couple’s fault getting married that we have been plagued by a series of unfortunate events? No, it certainly isn’t.  We wish nothing but a lifetime of joy for them! Do we wish the circumstances were different? Boy, do we ever! I wouldnt wish any of this on my worst enemy (if I had one).

What I wouldn’t give to go on this trip & be pregnant with all of my best friends up north. What my husband wouldn’t give for us to be expecting like his circle of friends up there all finally are.  What we wouldn’t give to be showered with love by our friends and family members in just a few short weeks like we planned. What we wouldn’t do to be out on the dance floor showing off our bump finally.  But for some reason, this all wasn’t meant to be for us right now.  Really hard to comprehend why, right? I know, because we struggle with understanding why too.

So, we have decided to put our feelings first with this trip. As you can tell, if we were to go, it would cause us a lot of unnecessary hurt.  A lot.  Who knows what other emotions.  The more we thought about it, and talked about it, we began to feel less guilty about our decision not to go. But to be honest, I still feel a little guilty inside.  I know how much my husband was looking forward to it, and I can’t help but think it is my fault we aren’t going anymore.  He assures me this isn’t the case, because he is a great man…but the truth is he wouldn’t tell me even if he really did blame me a little.

I would give anything to change things, but the truth is I have already given all I can.  I can’t change any of this path that we have to walk.  I can’t change the fact that we won’t be making the memories we had already played out and dreamed of in our minds.  The memories we have been waiting to make for years.  All of it is out of our hands and in his now. We just pray that one day, somehow, we will make up for all of this lost time.  And that we won’t hurt so badly when we look back on events like this.  Above all, we pray it will all work out in the end.