2 Years Ago

A few days ago, Word Press reminded me that I started this blog 2 years ago this March. 

2 years ago at this time I was on a medical leave from my position teaching Fourth Grade. I had just had my 3rd IVF miscarriage at 10 weeks pregnant. I was beyond devastated. I chopped off my hair and got 2 tattoos within weeks. I wanted to morph into a different person but I soon realized that wasn’t possible. 

So during my medical leave, I decided I had to find other ways to cope other than taking scissors to my hair or ink to my body.  With the encouragement of close friends & family, I started this blog as an outlet. Up until that time (March 2015), we were quiet about our infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss struggles. Only those closest to us knew we had been trying to conceive for close to 7 yrs, had underwent both his & her surgeries, failed IUIs, IVF cycles, and miscarried 6 embryos with 2 still frozen. 

It felt SO amazing to come out of what I like to call the “infertility closet.” I decided from the start not to make my blog anonymous, to even link it to my FB page. I wanted the world to know that I was not a mean bitch when I didnt come to your baby shower, or your kid’s 1st birthday…or when I walked away as you gleefully told everyone what gender you were expecting. I wanted them to know that I had just learned we lost another baby, a healthy baby boy with no explanation. That I just had a D & C for the fourth time. That we had just thrown another 10,000 down the drain. That I wasnt being lazy when I called into work sick yet again. I wanted to be understood finally!

And I was. In fact, I had more than one person tell me that they had misjudged me before they knew our story.  To think if I had never started sharing they would have never knew the real me, well I cant even imagine that now. 

To some, I might share too much, but I have found being an open (and honest) book is what works. To ME, it is far better than leading a life no one knows exists.  That said, I found it pretty cool to see how much this blog has been a part of my life…

You can see that when at the lowest point in our journey (March 2015-June 2015), I was sometimes blogging multiple times a day. Sure, things have changed now, but I am still proud to say I havent missed a month. I guess you could say blogging is sort of therapy for me. 

Here’s to another 2 years Word Press! 

For Fun

Some baby memes that are too funny not to share-

3 Months

Miracle is offically 3 months old now, which means mommy & daddy survived what is said to be one of the toughest times by most. There have definitely been some challenges, but there has also been so much laughter (no coincidence our boys name means full of laughter). He is such a blessing. 

I think the most difficult things we have faced are feeding and sleeping (and working from home, but I’ll save this 1 for another post).  Pretty sure most new parents would say the same things if they had to pinpoint something. We finally have feeding under control, but it took us a full 12 weeks. Sleeping, on the other hand, not so much! 

As I mentioned in my prior posts, baby has reflux pretty bad with my breastmilk. I tried LOTS of different things (eliminating foods, adding rice cereal, diff bottles, nipples, etc) in hopes of him being able to drink my milk. One late night as I was feeding him, and searching Dr. Google, I came across a product called Gelmix. Its a USDA approved all organic thickening agent. I ordered it and its been a God send for us.  He now drinks all my milk no problem, and we were able to stop the special formula he was on. 

TONS of times I almost threw in the towel with my milk, from low supply to tongue and lip ties, to reflux and thrush. BF doesnt work for everyone, and in no way should anyone feel guilty if they did throw in the towel, but Im just saying Im glad I didnt. And if you are out there and struggling with baby feedings, know you arent alone. 

Sleep. Oh my. Why do I fall for all these fancy sleep aids? We have SO many darn sleep oriented items its not even funny. Maybe soon I will accept the realization that the way he sleeps is just part of his normal development. For a few giggles, I will tell you some of the things I have tried (marketers must know sleep deprived people will buy almost anything).  

• Swaddles-velcro, zip, tie, swaddle up, down, every which way. Every brand. Blankets included. 
• Magic sleep suit-worked for a few weeks until his Moro Reflex overpowered it. Side note-reflex is still going strong. 
• Zip-a-Dee-Zip gown (shown on Shark Tank) or something like that? Was an immediate return. 
• Dock-a-Tot-first 2 nights thought it was a win, 3rd night a total fail. Still trying. 
• We have also slept (or tried to sleep in) snuggle nests, pack and plays, crib, swing, boppy, you name it. 
• Sound machines (bought two now), lotions (which are not secret potions lol), goodnight prayers…need I go on?? 

I know, I know…accept the fact we arent sleeping and move on. It could be much worse. 

Some miletones to note at 13 weeks old-

• Rolling over! This happened just before 12 weeks. Tummy to back only.
• Head control 
• Chuckling out loud (this is the best) 
• Recognizing people (mostly nanna) on Facetime…no joke-he stares at the phone & laughs like crazy
• Sucking on his fist & drooling
• Holding toys and blankets on his own, grabbing them as well

Everyday I thank God for our miracle. As I was sterilizing all his bottles and he watched me from across the room just smiling, I thought about how much less anxiety I have now. When going through those IVF cycles and when pregnant, it was through the roof. Yes, I still worry about him, but it is different because he is HERE. Thinking of all you out there who are still chasing your dream(s).  

10 Things No One Told Me About Being a New Mom

1. Breastfeeding *can* be the most rewarding, yet most frustrating thing you will ever do. 
2. That (damn) Moro Reflex, once deemed cute, will undoubtedly keep both you & your baby from sleep at some point. 
3. Opening a bag of chips will wake your baby from peaceful slumber while something as loud as siren probably wont. Eat all the chips you can now. 
4. In the same day it is possible to feel like the worst mom ever one minute and just the opposite the next. 
5. Deep sleep is hard to come by. You realize you will sleep soundly again one day when you die. But not until then. 
6. Forget watching a TV program all the way through without any interruption. Binge watch when pregnant. 
7. Pretty much anything you swore you wouldnt do, you will do, so better off not saying it. 
8. Getting peed, pooped, drooled, or spit up on (notice I didnt say vomit here) isnt really that bad after all. Not being facetious here. 
9. You will likely have a whole new set of appreciation for your own parents, especially your mom. Yes, it sounds cliche, but it is true. 
10. It is possible to care for another human being (that has been in your life for just a short time) with a love so pure you never knew existed.

Life with a Newborn

Since Miracle will no longer be a “newborn” soon, some things I want to note are-

• The longest stretch of sleep we have had is 7 hrs (one time).  
• On bad nights, we are up every hour or 2. But I saved this in my phone and have been reading it anytime I need a little reminder-

• We have transitioned him from the snuggle nest on our bed to the pack and play next to our bed.
• He is no longer sleeping swaddled (except some naps), instead he sleeps in his Dr. Merlin’s Magic Sleepsuit. 
• He has just started noticing the dogs in the past week, and seems to really enjoy them. 
• He is drooling quite a bit now and putting his fists in his mouth.
• My milk supply has finally increased, up to about 25 oz pumped a day, compared to a measly 8 oz a day the first month and an average of 15 oz a day the second month.
• Baby boy uses a special pillow when he lays down because his head appeared flat to me, however the ped says it is not anything to worry about or out of the ordinary.
• Isaac has a birth mark on his left eyelid. When he gets mad or hot, it gets bright red. It is cute. The ped referred to it as a “stork bite” 
• I just put out our Easter decorations and am working on his 1st Easter basket which I ordered from PB Kids when I was pregnant.
• LO still has a blue/grey eye color  (thinking they will turn brown like mom & dads) and his hair is much lighter than it was at birth.
• Baby boy can almost always be consoled by mommy now when he cries. I love this. In the very beginning it was not this way. Now if I pull him close and kiss him and sing, he stops almost immediately. Its pretty awesome. 
• I am more than in love with our boy, he was most def the missing puzzle piece all these years.