To Do or Not to Do: (Bump)dates?

Whether or not those of us who battled infertility and finally get that BFP should do it or not is the topic at hand. 

Seems to be somewhat debated here in the blogging community, yet on IG & FB its the norm to show off your bump as soon as you see 2 lines.

Some bloggers who have fought IF and/or pregnancy loss choose to document their pregnancies week by week with photo updates of their bump and narratives of their symptoms once they fall pregnant.

Others go the opposite way, and keep their weekly bump pics respectively to themselves after finding out they are preggo (that is assuming they are taking them). 

So, what do you think, are sharing these (bump)dates with your fellow infertiles here on the blog OK or not? 

Will those still in the trenches of our community be hurt seeing the photos? 

Or will those in the trenches rejoice in a community victory? 

If you ask me, it depends on where they are in their journey. 

Early on in my blogging, when I was just getting to know the members, I mostly deleted those who turned pregnant soon after.  I didnt have relationships with any of them and I was mainly blogging to vent.  Also, my miscarriage wounds were so fresh; I surely didnt want to see any in utero pics at all right after any of our losses.  

After awhile, I got to know the women in this community and started following their stories. I had a much harder time deleting them when they achieved their dreams, so I didnt anymore.  I realized it wasnt just about me venting, and I started to find hope in their success. I enjoy reading and seeing the posts now. Besides, isnt having a family our goal here anyway? 

Yet, if I see these posts on an anniversary of ours I cant do it. I turn my head or scroll a little quicker. I wish it hadnt been posted. I cringe a bit and think “why not me? When will it be our turn?”

Other times, when I am feeling like I am over it all, and wallowing in self-pity, I realize I am numb to the bumpdates. A true vet, I feel emotionless either way about the member posts. 

Like I mentioned, for me, where you are in the journey makes a BIG difference on how you react to these bumpdates.  I think it also matters greatly to us infertiles what the person went through to get that bump. If it was easy, forget it. But I am talking about this community and doing bumpdates here, so easy isnt exactly the word that comes to mind when I think about their posts.

Anyways, I went back and forth for awhile in my mind about whether or not I would do the weekly bump photo opps on this blog should I have the chance to document a pregnancy  ever again. 

In the end, I am pretty sure that I will. 

To me, part of the infertility blogging experience includes seeing the bumps of our fellow community members. Believe it or not, I feel its made me stronger.  I am sure some may feel different, and I totally respect and understand it. 

I feel this place is a place of honesty and good intention, and I know for me, a place I look back on and reflect on posts I have made from time to time. I surely want to be able to look back upon the week by week journey of growing our baby one day should we be blessed enough. Plus, I love pictures and blogging, I think it will be hard for me not to put them together pregnant. 

I may do what some other bloggers have done, and create a new IG account or password protected posts just for bump stuff. Not sure yet. I do want to be considerate of others because I know the ways I have felt at different times as I described. 

While this all very well could change with time, one thing I am sure of is that I will always be an infertile no matter how it all plays out. I will not be able to just “switch” off this part of us and leave everyone else still TTC behind. I want them to still be part of my life and vice versa.

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35 thoughts on “To Do or Not to Do: (Bump)dates?

  1. I agree it has a lot to do with where the reader is in her cycle.
    Even so, the fact that you’re contemplating whether or not to post already shows consideration to others’ feelings. While seeing the bump posts might sting at first as a knee-jerk reaction, I think seeing pregnancy announcements from other IVF bloggers gives us hope that it actually works! For me, at least. I think everyone likes a happy ending.

    One trend I’ve noticed is that as soon as people get pregnant and have their baby the blogs go stale with rare updates.
    It’s totally natual and understandable but that bothers me more than happy bump news.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I think that you should go what makes you happy, what you are comfortable with sharing. As you mentioned, if someone is having a bad day they can scroll past it or even unfollow you for awhile if they need to. But there are plenty of others who would love to share in your success and happiness.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m sure you’ve read my post about this. So, you already know how I feel. But I truly believe that this is your space. While some will find it difficult, others will find hope. So your decision has to be your own. I’ve created a pregnancy IG bc I couldn’t allow my bump to pop up here when someone has just lost a baby. I just couldn’t do that to them. But I totally believe in updating and that’s why I’ve continued to blog about pregnancy. I’ve worried so much about bloggers that just disappear. But I will be rejoicing for you when you get to do those bumpdates and I’ll continue to read your posts.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I get both sides of this. For me it really depends how it is done. An IF or RPL blogger that gets pregnant then turns her blog into a forum for complaining about mundane pregnancy symptoms and completely forgets the pain from before or her audience bothers me. However, I have had a few close blogger friends get pregnant or get matched recently and not only are these ladies always sensitive with their posts but like you said, my relationship with them makes me want to be a part of it. That being said- I know I won’t do any bump pics or bumpdates in this space once I am finally pregnant. I just never want to be a trigger for someone struggling.

    Liked by 5 people

    • I think your point on how it is done is spot on. I cant stand those who forget all too quickly, start complaining, and going overboard with the preggo posts. For the sake of those in the community, it should be done gracefully! Im still not sure what I will do, but Im happy to know I have your support and understanding 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I 100% support doing what is best for you because it’s just such a personal decision. I believe it’s on the reader to choose to skip a post if they need/want to (even now, I still don’t always love bump pictures, but I don’t believe that’s the pregnant women’s fault, that’s my own grief for what I will never experience.
    And, I can promise you, when you finally get there, I will be cheering you on every single step of the way!! ☺

    Liked by 4 people

  6. I absolutely agree that where I am at in my cycle of grief influences how I react to posts about pregnancy. That being said, I am thankful I can make decisions in the moment whether or not I read those posts. I can totally understand and empathize with wanting to document every moment in this difficult journey, including the joy of finally winning this battle. But I will understand if followers are lost when that day comes for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I think its a personal decision. Obviously everyone here will be overjoyed for you when the time comes and if they aren’t in a place to read them should you decide to post them then they can choose to skip. In reading IF & RPL blogs I would always feel bittersweet about others pregnancy and bump posts. Seeing them on social media from non-IF people still makes me rage even after having a baby but when I know someone has struggled to get and/or stay pregnant I think they should get to do anything and everything they want to celebrate their pregnancy.

    I don’t blog but I always thought that we would do weekly photos for our own personal memories but when the time came I was actually too anxious/scared to even take them. After 4 losses, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. But I probably did post too many things about our pregnancy, appointments and the nursery on social media and while I know it probably annoyed people (my non infertile friends included) I felt like I had waited so long to be where I was that I was going to do whatever I wanted to celebrate and enjoy it. Especially since I am not sure I will ever get to be there again. You’ve fought hard for this and you should enjoy doing everything you always dreamed you would : )

    Liked by 1 person

    • I can totally relate to the non-IF announcements on FB. Arggghhh! I think I will always be annoyed by those ones too.
      Thanks so much for letting me know u will be cheering me on whether I decide to go with the bumpdates or not. Truth is, like u said, u just dont know until it happens. Things change so quickly with all this!

      Like

  8. Oh man, I am so torn on this one. I don’t begrudge any blogger their bumpdates. They worked hard for it and they should totally blog every step of the way and share their hard-earned joy! But I do agree that if you’re having a bad day, it hurts like heck to see an ultrasound or bump pic.

    I personally won’t be doing any bump dating. Honestly, I even felt like a jerk posting pictures from my gender reveal party. I was really conflicted about whether to do it or not. I’m with mama Jo that I don’t like being a trigger for someone else’s sadness. It’s such a tricky situation.

    All that said, I am looking forward to reading your bumpdates and cheering you on every step of the way! I can’t wait!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I loved your gender reveal photos!! Was I jealous? Absolutely! But I find it much easier to celebrate the pregnancy of someone I know has struggled with infertility. Ultimately, we would all make ourselves crazy if we took responsibility for the feelings of everyone around us. The photos brought you joy and I can understand you wanting to share that joy.

      Liked by 2 people

    • I loved your gender reveal photos! Please dont feel bad for posting them. I think it does say how considerate of a person you are though to worry about others so much. I do understand what u mean, I am still torn myself on how I will handle it all when it plays out. I love this community and the women in it a lot!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I have given this topic a lot of thoughts lately since I was PUPO the last two weeks. I truly thought that this was going to be my time so I was considering how I should handle any ultrasound photos or bump photos that I may want to post. On the day of my beta, a friend of mine who is still trying for a second child after taking 7 years to conceive her 5 year old asked me gently that if I decided to use my ultrasound photo as my profile photo, do not comment or like any of her posts because she can hide posts but not profile photos. I truly understand how she feels and I don’t think I’d ever use an ultrasound photo or bump photo as my profile. As for the blog, I did think about what I’d do. I am not against bumpdates at all. In fact, I love to see those who finally got pregnant how they are doing. But when the post shows up on my reader and the first picture that shows on the preview is usually the ultrasound photo or bump photo, it sometimes triggers a lot of negative emotions without any prior warnings. So I was thinking, if I ever post any bump or ultrasound photos, it’d be on a different tab on my blog so people can choose to click on it if they’d like. In my regular posts, I won’t post any of those pictures. I’d still post an update.

    Of course, right now, this topic for me is moot for now. But I truly believe that one day I get to finally decide on what to do with my pregnancy on my blog. And I truly believe that for you too. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think u bring up some really valid points. I , too, wont be using bump pics or ultra photos for my profile pics on FB. Too many triggers there for others. As far as the blog, thanks for the idea about the tab. Maybe Ill look into that!
      I want u to know im thinking of u all the time and praying for u.

      Like

  10. I’m heading into my second trimester (I comment on your posts on facebook under my real name).

    I do not post scans/bumps or anything on fb. My pregnancy is not a secret but I won’t rub it in anyone’s faces .It hurt me too much when I was struggling .I never want to be the source of someone’s pain .

    I also deleted my blog because I didn’t want those struggling to feel torn between hurting reading posts or deleting my blog
    and feeling guilty .

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think its totally understandable that u dont share. Everyone is so different in how they handle things & the truth is, sometimes we just dont know how someone will react. I must say I am happy to hear u are in your second tri and (hopefully) doing great!

      Like

  11. I have taken the attitude of doing whatever I feel comfortable with and if people choose to unfollow me as a result of that I completely understand. I to solace in the success of others when we were still waiting for our two pink lines and I hope our story also provides hope to others.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Fantastic post and something I have thought about for myself. Personally, I will not do public bump dates but I do plan on doing it privately (fingers crossed I have the opportunity to)!! I am just not comfortable putting it out there in case I hurt someone inadvertently.

    I am not bothered by other bloggers bump dates, nor do I unfollow pregnant bloggers. It gives me hope and it’s fun to watch people who have suffered go on to realize their dreams. I do understand that not everyone can participate in others pregnancies when they are so deep in their own battle. I always wonder if my feelings about bump dates and pregnant bloggers will change as this battle wages on, but for now I am content with my stance.

    I can’t wait to follow your future bumps, however you decide to share!!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Bieng going through lot of ups and downs in this journey, do whatever makes you happpy!!!:). I might do the bump posts may be after 12 weeks(may be towards end of 2nd tri).. Nit sure!. I never crossed a 8 week timeline in my pregnancy though!. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Great post!! I’ve been debating it as well. Like you, I used to get upset in the beginning of my journey when a fellow blogger found their happiness. But after doing this for 2.5 years, I’m genuinely happy when one of us becomes pregnant. I looked forward to reading these bump dates. But of course, I have to consider how other women are feeling. I also don’t know what to update on. I don’t have any crazy symptoms or anything.

    Anyway, looking forward to your updates!! xo

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Although it may be a sensitive subject for many, everyone loves a happy ending….. just like in the movies. If they don’t, too bad! Post away and show the world what you will have waited so long for!!! Allow everyone to enjoy your happy ending with you! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  16. This same thing has been on my mind a lot lately, like SO much. So I’m super glad you posted this topic.

    No one can please all the people all the time, so whichever way you decide, someone will probably take issue. But as others have said, reactions really depend on where someone is in her journey. I know for me, I truly appreciate the bloggers who are sensitive and give fair warning of a bump post, and who don’t let the bump pic be the main image to a post in my reader. That can really sting.

    It also depends on *how* the poster writes her updates: I’ve had to unfollow some IF-ers who seemingly forgot they were ever in the trenches and seamlessly moved their topics to that of a mommy blog, full of complaints and exclamation marks. Happiness is great and their successes inspiring, but don’t forget where you came from (I know you wouldn’t!). A little bit of tact goes a very long way 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are right-cant make everyone happy, ever. One way or another someone will not like a post. I also agree with u about how the updates go-i hate when people forget where they came from! I cant even imagine how thats possible. Seriously. Its almost like they must not have really been a warrior in the first place if they could. Idk!

      Like

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