Word Press reminded me this week that 1 year ago I started this blog. I can still remember the night I did. I laid in our bed, in the middle of the night, on medical leave from my job, just weeks past our third miscarriage, groggy from all the pain meds I was taking to numb my pain. I was in bad shape to say the least. 

I came across a blog titled “I am 1 in 4” that detailed a womans story through recurrent pregnancy loss.  I read it and it touched me deeply. I almost felt as if I had wrote it myself.  So I thought, hey what the heck, maybe Ill give blogging a try. Never did I imagine it would turn into what it has. With over 400 followers, I am truly humbled and blessed by the support I receive. 

Everyday I log on to read and follow your journeys. I comment as much as I can because I love supporting you. I yearn to blog when I havent in a few days; its like free therapy for me. Writing is in my blood, Ive always enjoyed it. 

Throughout the past year, this blog has taught me many things.

It has taught me patience and perseverance. Good things come will come to those who wait and dont give up. 

It has taught me not to compare my story with others. Everyones path is unique. 

It has taught me to be more empathetic towards others; that you never know what someone is battling on the inside. People can hide a lot through their smiles. 

It has taught me how amazingly resilient women are. Simply amazing!

It has taught me the unwavering strength and love of a mother. Like none other. 

It has taught me what really matters in life and what doesnt. Family is number 1; you cant take your money with you.

It has taught me how to be a more understanding wife. Venting, and seeing Im not alone. 

It has taught me how to cope positively. Writing brings no physical or mental harm. 

It has taught me how you can connect with someone you have never met through a terrible tragedy you share. Sad, but true. 

It has taught me to be myself and not worry if others will judge me for it. Life is too short to dwell on what people say. 

It has taught me that I will be OK, and that I am in charge of writing our happy ending. 

It has taught me many, many things, above all else, that I am not alone. 

Tonight, I am so thankful for all of these things learned, and for you as I reflect on this anniversary. 


To Do or Not to Do: (Bump)dates?

Whether or not those of us who battled infertility and finally get that BFP should do it or not is the topic at hand. 

Seems to be somewhat debated here in the blogging community, yet on IG & FB its the norm to show off your bump as soon as you see 2 lines.

Some bloggers who have fought IF and/or pregnancy loss choose to document their pregnancies week by week with photo updates of their bump and narratives of their symptoms once they fall pregnant.

Others go the opposite way, and keep their weekly bump pics respectively to themselves after finding out they are preggo (that is assuming they are taking them). 

So, what do you think, are sharing these (bump)dates with your fellow infertiles here on the blog OK or not? 

Will those still in the trenches of our community be hurt seeing the photos? 

Or will those in the trenches rejoice in a community victory? 

If you ask me, it depends on where they are in their journey. 

Early on in my blogging, when I was just getting to know the members, I mostly deleted those who turned pregnant soon after.  I didnt have relationships with any of them and I was mainly blogging to vent.  Also, my miscarriage wounds were so fresh; I surely didnt want to see any in utero pics at all right after any of our losses.  

After awhile, I got to know the women in this community and started following their stories. I had a much harder time deleting them when they achieved their dreams, so I didnt anymore.  I realized it wasnt just about me venting, and I started to find hope in their success. I enjoy reading and seeing the posts now. Besides, isnt having a family our goal here anyway? 

Yet, if I see these posts on an anniversary of ours I cant do it. I turn my head or scroll a little quicker. I wish it hadnt been posted. I cringe a bit and think “why not me? When will it be our turn?”

Other times, when I am feeling like I am over it all, and wallowing in self-pity, I realize I am numb to the bumpdates. A true vet, I feel emotionless either way about the member posts. 

Like I mentioned, for me, where you are in the journey makes a BIG difference on how you react to these bumpdates.  I think it also matters greatly to us infertiles what the person went through to get that bump. If it was easy, forget it. But I am talking about this community and doing bumpdates here, so easy isnt exactly the word that comes to mind when I think about their posts.

Anyways, I went back and forth for awhile in my mind about whether or not I would do the weekly bump photo opps on this blog should I have the chance to document a pregnancy  ever again. 

In the end, I am pretty sure that I will. 

To me, part of the infertility blogging experience includes seeing the bumps of our fellow community members. Believe it or not, I feel its made me stronger.  I am sure some may feel different, and I totally respect and understand it. 

I feel this place is a place of honesty and good intention, and I know for me, a place I look back on and reflect on posts I have made from time to time. I surely want to be able to look back upon the week by week journey of growing our baby one day should we be blessed enough. Plus, I love pictures and blogging, I think it will be hard for me not to put them together pregnant. 

I may do what some other bloggers have done, and create a new IG account or password protected posts just for bump stuff. Not sure yet. I do want to be considerate of others because I know the ways I have felt at different times as I described. 

While this all very well could change with time, one thing I am sure of is that I will always be an infertile no matter how it all plays out. I will not be able to just “switch” off this part of us and leave everyone else still TTC behind. I want them to still be part of my life and vice versa.

Keeping up With the… Social Medians

I started playing around on social media back in 2006 or 2007, can’t remember which to be exact.  It began with My Space, then switched over to Facebook within a year or so.  Initially upon setting up my FB account, I remember only a handful of my friends were on it.  Now, everyone & their mom (literally) is on there.

After each silent loss we had, I would go through spurts of deleting my FB account and/or people off it.  I would get rid of the account itself because I couldn’t handle the constant pregnancy announcements, mixed in with the continual infant updates and toddler tantrum advice inquiries.  I got rid of some of the people simply because I hadn’t talked to them in years, or didn’t consider myself that close to them-it really wasn’t personal at all.  I was going through something, and if you can’t understand that, well, I won’t bother explaining it in further detail for you. The good news is I am over all of that.  Finally, after the 3rd loss, we decided to “come out of the closet” and create this blog, a new form of social media for us.  We decided to break the silence of our IF and RPL by linking this blog to our FB account.  It felt like a weight had been lifted off of our shoulders when we told the FB world about what we had been going through.  I also created an Instagram account around that time, but it was not related to IF or RPL…it was simply for fun. However, as our blog and our FB page grew, I began to connect with our IF friends on Instagram & decided I might as well switch that account over to being part of our IF journey, too. And so, I did.

That brings us to the present time. Social media has become such a huge part of our life. And let me tell you, keeping up on it takes time! But, I must say, I enjoy it highly or I wouldn’t do it. Right now, discussing and writing about IF, IVF, and RPL is my passion. This being said, seeing those pregnancy announcements & the such on FB or Insta doesn’t bother me like it used to.  Our accounts now have a clear purpose, and in our opinion, that purpose outweighs the occasional “stings” that come along with having it. And, although I dont say much to all the preggos & new moms out there (too hard for me still), I am truly happy for these ladies, as I wouldnt wish IF on anyone.  Plus, I’d want them to be happy for us too if the situation was reversed.

Anyways, between this blog, our FB page, and Insta account, I stay super busy at home after work, reading, commenting, and replying to fellow infertiles.  Don’t worry-my hubby helps me respond to many of the messages and/or reads the stories with me when he can.  Most recently, I have joined some private TTC groups through FB. We are considering sharing our story further, over the air (audio only!) perhaps. All of these social media outlets have been such a great release for us. We have become part of a community where we feel like we know each person so well, following their day-to-day challenges, yet we have never even met them.  If you are reading this, and you too, struggle with IF, IVF, and/or RPL, I encourage you to join this wonderful community if you haven’t yet.  In fact, it is so wonderful that my husband & I were just talking about how it would be hard to imagine actually getting and staying pregnant because of what we have become a part of here with IF. That might sound crazy but it crossed our mind! Don’t get me wrong, of course achieving and sustaining a pregnancy is the goal of everyone in this community. But I think some of you members know exactly what I am saying…once this eventually happens, things naturally change-a new chapter begins, and another ends.

As for my current Word Press TTC sisters, I am already friends with many of you on Insta and/or FB, but I would like to be friends with ALL of you!

Here is our info, find us…

FaceBook– Surviving Infertility: IVF & Recurrent Pregnancy Loss (or scroll down here & click “like us” on the right hand side)

Instagram– Surviving_INfertility

Twitter-have one, but not really using for this purpose. Any TTC ladies using it? Details please!!

tumblr-have one linked to this blog, but seems like a lot of work to make it pretty & really use it.  Images dont automatically upload over, each post opens in new link, etc.  Advice here? Might just can this one.