Total Awkwardness

Since I am officially off work, this is my time to get all of the items that have been on my handy dandy checklist for months upon months finally taken care of.  One of the items was to look into switching our term life insurance to whole life insurance. Long story short, we signed up for term when we first got married, were pretty young, and our main concern was that we get the cheapest plan available.  

Now, almost 10 years have gone by, and we realize that we need to invest in a plan that can build us some cash value should we ever need to access it.  Plus, according to my parents, it is much more difficult to get a decent premium on whole life as you get older.  We figured we should lock in a premium now for this and hence, I called my insurance carrier.  As part of the process, the representative has to ask you some basic questions before the in-depth interview.

Awkward Situation 1-“The basic interview”

Him: Date of birth?

Me: 11-4-82

Him: (excitedly) That’s my birthday!

Me: Really? Same year too?

Him: No, but close. Im exactly 3 years older than you. 

Me: Cool!

Him:  Any kids?

Me: No

Him: (Surprised) No, kids?!

Me: (Firmly) No 

Him: Any in the works??

Me: (Brief Awkward Silence) Um, maybe. Maybe one day (waiting for him to tell me how many kids he already has at my age)

Him: My wife and I have 3 kids, so we need a policy that has x amount of dollars…blah, blah, blah..

Me: We don’t need all that much since it’s just US for now.

Him: Yes, your situation is unique since you two don’t have any children.

Me: (Thinking to myself…unique? is that what you want to call it? As my dog starts barking in the background)  Jax! Be quiet!

Him: (Curiously) What kind of dog do you have?

Me: I have two, a beagle and a terrier mix.

Him: We had a beagle, but we had to give it away.

Me: Oh, really, why is that?

Him: Well, it’s a funny story actually.  After we had 2 kids, my wife decided to get her tubes tied (is he really telling me this right now??) and we got a dog.  We went to the Dr. to set up the surgery and he said, “You can’t do it right now,” so we asked him “why not?” and he said, “because you are pregnant!”

Me: (annoyed) Wow.

Him: (chuckling): Yea, we had no idea she was even pregnant! So, we had to give our dog away because it would just be too much with 3 kids and a dog.

Me: (sarcastically) I bet.

Now, I know the representative did absolutely nothing wrong, but I was over it. I thought, “I don’t want to hear about your pregnancy surprise story buddy! Let’s get on with the application process already.” 

Most normal people wouldn’t think or act as I did when he shared his story. They would probably have chuckled back and asked questions, or gave congratulations. Who knows.  So, I must ask myself…what is wrong with me???

I came up with the answer that I guess I’m no longer classified normal anymore by societys standards.  I didn’t say any of those nice, “normal” things to him that I would have 5 years ago. In fact, all I could think about was getting off the phone with him right away after he told me. As we got off the phone, he informed me that someone would be calling me to do in the in-depth interview within a day or two. Fantastic.

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Awkward Situation 2 -“The in-depth interview”

Her: Have you been in a hospital in the past 6 months?

Me: Yes

Her: Was it due to drug or alcohol abuse?

Me: No

Her: Was it due to a terminal illness such as HIV or cancer?

Me: No

Her: Was it due to a car accident, accident on the job, blah, blah, blah —

Me:  Ma’am, i know you have a job to do, but I’m going to tell you briefly what happened and I really don’t want to talk about it anymore after that.  I was pregnant, had a miscarriage, and I needed a D & C at the hospital.

Her: (nonchalantly): OK.  Have you been on any medications in the past 6 months?

Me: (flustered) Yes.

Her: Were any of these medications for …..

Me: (interrupting her) Let me give you the list of medications I was on while I was pregnant so we can move on from this please!

When we got off the phone, I found myself wondering again…What is wrong with me?? Clearly, this woman did nothing wrong by asking me these questions either.  She was simply doing her job in a matter of fact way as she should.  However, for some reason, I was still angry at her for asking me those questions.

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Awkward Situation 3 – “The blogging interview” 

Next, my mom and I went to Verizon. The young salesman that waited on us was really friendly and knew his stuff well. Thank God, because let’s be honest, there are some real bozos in there sometimes!  He started asking me what I use my phone mostly for.  I told him pictures, social media, and a lot of blogging.  I totally set myself up for what came next.

“You said you do a lot of blogging? What do you blog about?”  Now, don’t get me wrong..my blog is not anonymous and I am very open about it.  But this was different. When a young guy asks you in a public place with other employees and customers around, what are you supposed to say? Uhh, infertility? miscarriage? IVF? I tried my best not to outright lie, “You know, female stuff.”  He started laughing, “you mean like man bashing?” I was like “Yea, something like that.”  Whatever, let him think what he wants.

Again, this man did absolutely nothing wrong! He was making what most people would believe to be friendly conversation.  If he hadn’t spoke, most normal people would have probably considered that rude.  Me on the other hand, not so much. 

By now, I know you are most likely questioning, “what is wrong with her?” too, as I did myself.  Thinking, “None of these situations were awkward, you made them awkward!”  Well thanks, IF and RPL, for completely screwing with my mind. I can confidently say that you terrible, awkward diseases are what is “wrong” with me.