Throat Punch Time

Well, Ive gained 5 pounds since on the Lupron Depot. I weigh more now than I did when I was pregnant this time last year. Ugh. I checked, and weight gain is classified as one of the “non-severe” side effects of the drug. 

I know it might not sound like much weight gain to some, but I can feel it. I dont have the biggest frame to begin with, so any fluctuation in my weight is quite noticeable to me. I am barely 5’4, a B cup, and (was) a size 4. 

What really sucks is that throughout all my IVF cycles, my weight pretty much stayed the same, never passing a certain point, despite all the hormones and lost pregnancies. I guess things finally catch up to you after years of it in your (almost) mid-30’s! 

I have now officially passed my certain point. My clothes arent fitting good anymore, and the scale doesnt lie.  Sigh. What sucks even more about all this is that I really dont eat bad at all; I actually crave healthy foods for the most part. I mean, of course I have my splurges here & there, but they are minor and definitely not habitual.  That said, I cant attribute the gain to food, just drugs.  And I havent been exercising to help fight it off, been too tired. 
So whats behind the title to this post? As of lately, I have seen people (who know our history) glancing at my mid-section more often than before. Hmmmm… I wonder what they are thinking?!? I just want to tell them, “No, Im not pregnant, just getting fat.” If anyone did ask me if I was expecting after looking at my belly, it might be throat punch time. When I told my hubby this, he burst out laughing. While most prolly arent thinking of asking me this at all (its more like paranoia on my part), it still crosses my mind when they stare.

Anyways, since I have 2 more months of Lupron Depot injections, and probably even more hormones after that, I am going to have to take charge of this or I might be a blimp soon. That being said, losing it is what I intend to try & do. 

Finding Me Again 

Since our first IVF began back in February 2014, I have slowly gained 12 pounds.  Im not making excuses, but its not like I have been a complete couch potato.  

I mean, I have been taking it easier than I usually would have just to play it safe when I was pregnant. And I was pregnant 3 times this year. I did inject a lot of hormones, too. I probably engaged in some unintentional grief eating after our miscarriages at some point. 

So, maybe it is understandable why I have gained. But that doesnt necessarily make it acceptable to me. I have a pretty small frame to begin with, so I feel every pound of it. Plus, having the extra weight when Im no longer pregnant makes me feel disgusted. I look at my body and hate how Im not pregnant & should be, but I weigh more than before I ever was. Im sure some women who have miscarried know what I am trying to say here. 

This being said, time for a plan of action. Now that I will officially be off work in June, I will have time to dedicate to getting back to my normal, healthy self. Before all of this IVF bs, I used to work out hard everyday. I had a routine which involved alot of cardio (running, jump rope, squats, swimming, biking, etc.) I loved how I felt, not just how I looked. It’s time to get that feeling back.

I plan to establish a routine again, as I think that is one way to ensure physical success and create endurance. I will have to ease back in though because it has been awhile. Hey, you gotta start somehere, right?

It will go like this to begin:

1. Walking the dogs two times per day rather once.  

2. Signing back up for unlimited monthly yoga, and going 3 times per week. Hot yoga included. 

3.  Riding my new bike, still in pristine condition, once per day.

4. Swimming at least 3 times per week. 

After my legs are no longer jello (about 2-3 weeks), I will add in more cardio. Daily squats and jumprope for sure, as these are pretty easy.  I am undecided if I will begin running (I used to be an avid runner), or if I will take a class at the gym instead. That is still to be decided.  But one of the two will be added to the regimen by late June, no exceptions.

In addition to the above, eating healthy every day will be part of normal life again. This isnt that challenging for me because I actually enjoy eating healthy. I feel like I have failed this past year more than ever before because my hormones have literally been all over the place. Happy, mad, devastated, anxious, tired, bitter, disappointed, etc. I have barely cooked  at all due to these daily, all consuming emotions. 

Again, come June, I will have more time to grocery shop, and in turn, cook at home again.  I wont be injecting any hormones either so I will have more energy. Eating out will be limited like it used to be…weekends only! 

I am pretty excited to find “me” again, physically. And I cant wait to sweat a little while I am at it. Its been way too long.