Off to the Races

Well, we are off to the races folks… Another month of TTC at home has yielded nothing but a BFN (no surprise there).  So, I am officially on CD1, which means our FET calendar is in now in full effect.  This was our last month of TTC on our own.

  
Starting on CD3, I will be on the pill for 1 month in order to do my upcoming hysteroscopy safely on the day I wanted to (so I do not miss work). And in about a week, I will get my pre-op blood work done to make sure we are cleared for the H/S.  I skipped out on my therapy session this past week as things have just been so incredibly busy.  That being said, fertility speaking wise, that is really all there is to report for now!

For the most part, I have been working away in my classroom the past 2 weeks.  It has seemed never-ending, especially since I moved rooms and changed grade levels. Nevertheless, it is finally all ready to go! The kiddos come back tomorrow (I can’t believe it!) and I am hoping and praying for a great first day of school, and year to follow suit.  Here are a few pictures from my room & open house as promised last week:

   
    
 
In other news…our house is done being painted and we LOVE it! We are so happy with the colors we chose; very rich, warm tones. The body is a taupe, the trim is cream, and our front door is a deep mahogany.  The front door might just be my favorite! Makes it all pop.  I know you are thinking, where are the pictures??? My hubby made me promise not to post until the gutters are up later this week.  Don’t ask me why… If you ask me, all they do is help with the rain! He begs to disagree, stating they, “bring everything together.”  Okie dokie, then!

We ordered some new patio furniture from Pier 1. Who doesn’t love Pier 1, please tell me? The place is a dream.  Now, I just need to be rich so I can get everything there!  Anyways, we ordered a Papasan chair and stool. I am going for a beach theme like our master, so the cushions that go with the chair and stool are a Cobalt Blue.  We also got an outdoor rug from Home Depot, along with a cutesy bistro dining set.  I had the hubby hang a few pieces of wall art, one says, “beach” & another “splash.”  My mom gave us a pretty decent sized fountain for the patio, which is oh-so-peaceful.  I cannot wait for the winter months to get here so I can spend some time curled up in my Papasan reading a book with my dog.  I will post some pictures of the finished patio next week!

Advertisements

The Plan

After collaboration between my OB, RE, and family Dr., the decision was made that I will not be on any anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds during a future pregnancy. I am OK with this decision. I trust the professionals and what they feel is best for me at this time. 

The bloodwork my Gastro Dr. ordered came back today. It was completely normal, with the exception of my elevated Bilirubin which is benign.  This being said, there will be no further evaluations needed in this area. 

  
The plan for our all natural FET will be as follows:

  • Make sure we get the “all clear” from our hysteroscopy scheduled in early Sept.
  • Day 3 ultrasound and bloodwork in late September 
  • Pee on OPK sticks starting cycle day 12
  • Go in for an ultrasound when we have the positive OPK, detecting LH surge, most likely on cycle day 14 
  • If ultrasound shows lining 8 or > and a follicle measuring at least 16mm, we will trigger that night
  • Start minimal progesterone supplementation 36 hours after trigger or 6 days prior to transfer (pretend retrieval day) 
  • Transfer 1 day 6 embryo 6 days after progesterone begins!! 
  • Bedrest for 48 hours
  • Pray for a BFP & a sticky baby due in late June 2016 ❤️

***As you can see, no estrogen, Lupron, or any of that jazz!!

I will also continue to see my therapist during this cycle. My goal for our upcoming session is to develop a plan for what we are comfortable doing beta and ultrasound wise should we get a BFP. It would probably be smart to devise a plan for a BFN as well. 

I am going to put a call in to my acupuncturist this week to start treatment again. Id like to get a package deal if possible, something they havent offered in the past. I was dropping $75 a visit and usually more than once a week for a few months. Ridiculous!  However, I love her and I know she knows what she is doing. It is also a natural remedy for my anxiety.  I have gone to my acupuncturist for all 3 of our transfers but only up until transfer day. I was always scared to continue after transfer, yet I read about you ladies doing it all time. I asked my RE about continuing after transfer and she said it was fine too. 

Please share with me your experiences with ongoing acupuncture after transfer! 

I am My Own Worst Enemy-Part 3

Today, I left session 3 of therapy with a lot to think about.  If you have been following along with my sessions, you may recall that I said I wanted to keep track of what I “took” from each one.  Let’s break this reflection up into 2 pieces–the “us” and the “me.”

The “Us”

Some questions Dr. G asked us to think about and share at my next visit:

  • Why do I want to be a mother? 
  • Why does my husband want to be a father? 
  • Are our reasons the same or different?
  • If I cannot carry our child to term, are there any other routes we are okay with taking to get to parenthood or to not get to parenthood for that matter? For example, a child-free life (talked a lot about this one), adoption, gestational surrogacy, sperm donor, etc.
  • Are our (acceptable) paths to parenthood the same? If not, is there a compromise we can come to? How? 

I quickly asked Dr. G if she thinks there is a right or wrong answer to these questions.  She reassured me that any answer is totally acceptable (which I was glad to hear), and that the purpose of the questions is to know where we are going with all of this.  Knowing what extremes we are both willing to or not willing to go through in our quest to parenthood will provide a sense of security and comfort as we move forward.  I completely agreed when she explained this to me, and as I type this, it makes even more sense to me now, and I couldn’t agree more.

In the past, when I was miscarrying, I never knew what we were going to do after it was over.  Of course, I was grieving the babies I lost, but looking back, I was also grieving our future and the uncertainty of it.  I can still remember the exact spots I sat and cried in as I wondered what we would do next.  

While I know that infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss take away a lot of control and planning, trust me I do, I also know that our future path to parenthood is something we can control.  You heard me right…we can control it!

We can choose to be child free now, after another loss, and/or after our embryos are gone.

We can choose to use a gestational surrogate now so I am not subjected to the possible physical and mental anguish of another loss, or when/if another miscarriage occurs. 

We can purse adoption if we both feel it would satisfy our desires of parenthood.

Like Dr. G reinforced, when it boils down to it, we have not really drawn our lines in the sand.  Revisiting why want to be parents, and how we can we satisfy this desire if the current path we are on does not work is important.  And sooner rather than later.  Dr. G pleaded with me not to wait until something traumatic happens for us to make those tough decisions.  Her reasoning was simple-during a crisis we will not be in the frame of mind we are now.  Again, I agree with this.  Pretty basic thing, but hearing from an outsider can put it into perspective.

The “Me” 

Dr. G started off the session with me telling her how my week went.  I told her it was pretty uneventful, with the exception of Saturday of course.  Saturday was the day I went to the lab and had my blood drawn and dropped off my urine sample. At the lab, I encountered the very pregnant woman, a newborn and 2 sets of grandparents that I blogged about.  What I didn’t blog about was what came later on that day.  We went to 2 birthday parties, one for a 3 year old and one for a 12 year old. At both parties, there were pregnant women and newborns, forget all the kids running a muck.  At one point, my husband and I were trapped in a room listening to a pregnant couple discuss their nursery theme.  Talk about a day from HELL!

Aside from that bizarre day, I told Dr. G I haven’t really been my usual IF self the past week.  What I mean by this is, I haven’t been as consumed by it all.  I haven’t been thinking or talking about it as much.  To be honest, I haven’t even felt like blogging about it all as much, which is really strange.  She told me that I *may* be learning to compartmentalize through our sessions together.  Dr. G said some patients do this, and some don’t, and that “compartmentalizing” looks very different for each person. I might be starting to put some things aside that I normally wouldn’t have, because I know I will be able to discuss them with her during our hour session each week. Sounds like it could very well be the case, at least I’d like to think so anyways!

In addition to how my week went, we discussed the memorial “box” that we had talked about a week ago. At the end of our last session, she asked me to consider a few things about the box, such as why I felt the urge to hurry up and finish it once I started it, and what it would be like if I didn’t.  I did think this over and I came to the conclusion of what not finishing the box could mean to me.  It could represent that my babies are still here with me, and I can visit the box and work on it whenever I have the desire to spend time with them. 

As you can see, lots to ponder.  As always, thanks for the support, friends!