These are the Days I’ll Remember 

I used to love that song by Natalie Merchant back in the 90’s. As the days pass before me so quickly, I see they are the ones I will remember most. I have waited so long for these days, and truth is, I may never experience them again with another child. And even if I do, I will never experience them with this child of mine again. 

We had our 2 month checkup this week. Baby is in the 50th percentile for head circumference, weight, and height. He nows weighs 12 and 1/2 lbs. and is 23 inches short. This means he has increased his length 2 inches since birth, and his weight by almost 5 lbs. It is bittersweet to pack away all of the clothes he has outgrown and realize that soon he will be in size 2 diapers and all his infant inserts will be no longer.  Yet, on the other hand, I am so excited for his bright future. 

Things to remember-

  • LO loves to lay on his changing table and stare at the banner above it that I made for him 
  • He smiles back at me now when I smile at him
  • He tracks people as they move across the room 
  • Baby is in love with fans and lights of any sort, also music
  • He has found his fist and enjoys sucking on it 
  • The boppy pillow is his favorite to nap on throughout the days 
  • He is making lots more noises than ever before 
  • Baby sweats a lot just like his dad does 
  • He doesnt seem to enjoy his carseat so much anymore, instead he would rather stretch out his arms and legs very wide 

The ped said he is on track for development, which is great. We wont go back until he is 4 months old unless something comes up before then. I am sure I am biased, but he seems so smart and of course is so handsome already! 

In other news, Im happy to report that we are latching better, and mom has figured out a way to help control the fast let downs so baby boy doesnt choke so much. At night, we have done away with the night light and seem to be sleeping better. In fact, we had our first 4 hr stretch in over a month! Woo hoo! 

I know there is more I wanted to record, but there isnt any time for it now. Until next time~

Utter Exhaustion

I am utterly exhausted.  Each morning I wake, I am tired to the point of not being able to fully open my eyes after a solid 9 or 10 hours of sleep. Subsequent to a full nights sleep, I can easily nap during the day after drinking a tall coffee with shots of espresso in it. And when I nap, I sleep deeply for a good 3 hours.

  

This is how I feel
 
I started exercising again about 3 weeks ago. I have always been under the impression that it brings energy.  Years ago, when I used to run faithfully everyday, I was full of energy afterwards. Now, after I exercise, I am done for the day.  The rest of my day is unproductive because I am totally beat.  And the exercise I am doing is not extreme, so it’s not like I am overdoing it to say the least.  I have also been eating super healthy and taking my vitamins daily, so I can’t attribute the exhaustion to my diet.  I have pretty much cut out all carbs and artificial sugars, eating lots of protein, fiber, fruits, and veggies.

I have been getting my dose of Vitamin D as well.  I go out in the sun around 2 times a week for a few hours at a time.  But to be honest, I really have to push myself to get out there.  I would much rather stay inside my air-conditioned house in my bed, in my pajamas, blogging, coloring, or watching my day shoes. Even showering, going to the grocery store, or cleaning takes a lot of energy.  Its almost like I can only handle 1 task per day max.

The question is why am I soooo lethargic?!?  It can’t possibly be normal considering I get plenty of rest, exercise, eat healthy, & take vitamins. My husband seems to think I am battling some form of depression and I am not consciously aware of it. Has anyone out there experienced similar symptoms and found they are indeed depressed? I mean, after what we have gone through the past year, 3 IVF miscarriages and the loss of our dog, I guess it is possible he is right.  I don’t want to believe that I am clinically depressed, but maybe I am. 

How do you really know for sure you have something so abstract anyways? A doctor diagnosed me as depressed when I was 20, and I went on antidepressants for a year.  I try to think back to my symptoms and the diagnostics of it, but it is all quite blurry.  I do remember crying easily and frequently, which is something I also do now.

The only other causes I can come up with aside from the depression are A.) All of the hormones and drugs are still in my system, or B.) I have some underlying issue unrelated to depression that no doctor can seem to identify.  I have a hard time believing that it is Option A. and all of those fertility hormones are still in my system months after I last took them and they are causing this. However, I was on the hormones for 9 out of 12 months, and that’s a long time when you think about it. I did undergo anesthesia 4 times in the past 5 months, and take a good amount of painkillers due to all of the procedures. 

Could all of this still be in my system?  If not, is it Option B perhaps? The unknown? That would be frightening because I have had every test under the sun done and they all seem to show I am healthy on paper. 

I would really appreciate any feedback/info from those who have been in a similar situation to this! Thanks in advance.