I have been awaiting my monthly friend that reminds me each month I am not pregnant. Like clockwork, she comes every 28 days. But not this month. This month she decided to come 3 days later than usual. I guess she decided to play mind tricks, allowing me to actually question if I could be pregnant.
Yesterday, the stark white test confirmed it couldnt possibly be true, and then her appearance reaffirmed that today. The disappointment was minimal; it was pretty expected at this point. So, with that being said, I have emailed my nurse and set up my first Lupron injection for this week. Finally.
As the night comes to a close, I begin to think about how quickly these next 3 months on Lupron are going to fly by. I think about how our FET will likely be here before I even realize it. Some fear arises inside me, mixed with excitement, followed by thinking, ‘bring it, 2016 is going to be our year.’
So the plan was to start Lupron injection #1 yesterday immediately following our Ohio trip. You probably remember that we had decided to wait until after our trip to begin to minimize any side effects while away. For anyone new following along, I will be taking the Lupron Depot for 3 months in hopes of shrinking the mass in my uterus that is thought to have *possibly* caused our last pregnancy loss.
Anywhooo, I did not start the Lupron as originally planned. I am currently on CD 17, a.k.a. in the ovulation phase of my cycle. Lupron can be highly damaging during pregnancy, in fact, in the past my hubby and I have had to sign waivers about it at our clinic. Im sure some fellow IVFers can relate to this.
Since I ovulated just this past week, there is no possible way to know if I am pregnant right now. I know, I know…Fat chance of this. BUT miracles happen and it cant be risked. Crazier things have happened.
So, long story short, if our vacation baby dancing didnt work, I will be starting the Lupron around the week of the 15th this month. This delay pushes back my Lupron end date a little too (end of March), but I am OK with it. I dont mind putting off feeling like crap a few more weeks or so and enjoying the holidays as much as possible!
If you read my last post about my therapy session with Dr. G, you would know I am trying to live through my grief by actively coping. Basically, this equates to living my life as happily as I can while still stuck in the thros of IVF and RPL.
Thursday kicked off my weekend since Friday was a teacher workday. Anyone who teaches knows that the days without the children are pretty much considered days off. This being said, I went out with an old friend for dinner and drinks Thursday night. I hadnt seen her in several months so it was nice to catch up and have some laughs.
Although Friday was a day without students, it still ended up being a whirlwind of a day. I had to attend professional development, get grades and comments done for report cards, and decorate my door for Red Ribbon Week (drug prevention program). I ended up working from 7:45 until 6:15. Long day, but got what I needed to accomplished.
Saturday I woke up and started grading college work for the online class I teach. Of course, grades are due for both of my jobs at the same time. After getting most of it done, and running some errands, I took a break and hit the pool with a friend for a few hours. So relaxing!
Later, it was time to hit the 8th Annual Halloween party we attend each year. Hubs and I had originally planned to go as clowns, but made a switch at the last minute. I guess you could say we were rocking a “western theme.” The party was a blast! The decorations, food, games, and people were all amazing.
Today, I woke up feeling quite exhausted from being on the run for 3 days. It still didnt stop though! My friend and I planned to attend a craft show in a cute part of town. We browsed and had lunch, both feeling a little rough from the late night before. Look at what I got, adorable…
Eventually, I came home, finalized the college course grades, and did some house work. Not much house work might I add. My husband is off Tuesday and he said he will take care of it then…thank God! I am beat and its back to the grind tomorrow. Not only is it of the start of Quarter 2 at school, but a new college course I am teaching starts up this week. Ugh.
Oh, and how could I forget to tell you that none other than my lovely period graced me with her presence today…4 DAYS LATE. Im never late, but knew better than to think I could be pregnant, especially when not even trying (thats what happens to normal couples lol). So, I just took a bubble bath, some motrin, and put on the heating pad.
I do have some upbeat, positive fertility news to share sometime this week. Stay tuned!
You get your period. You cry, you moan, and you feel like crap. Your period ends. You feel a renewed sense of hope! You start temping and peeing on ovulation sticks twice a day. Your fertile window begins. Anticipation and excitement of what could be flood your mind. You and hubby begin to BD every chance you get, and happily mark it on your fertility app calendar. Soon, your fertile window comes to an end. You eat super healthy, exercise lightly, and pay attention to every twinge during this luteal phase. You are positive THIS month was THE month! You start peeing on a stick by cycle day 26 or perhaps even sooner if you are a POAS addict like me. By day 29 or 30, you sink into depression when you realize not even the faintest line appears. Another stark white test before your red, puffy eyes and barren belly. Aunt Flow arrives and the cycle repeats. Month, after month, after month.
This month we tried something different. Sorry if TMI, but this is a TTC post. Since my husband’s soldiers do not have a very good overnight survival rate, that do it “every other day thing” when TTC doesn’t apply to us. They won’t survive up to 5 days like they should; they barely survive until the next day. Keeping this in mind, as soon as we got the + OPK, we BD 2x per day for 4 days straight. Yep, every 12 hours. Hard schedule to keep up with, I know. And the month before, it was 1 time per day for 5 consecutive days. Despite the abundance of timed pre-seed friendly intercourse, thickened lining, and almost “normal” sperm count of 20 million, still nothing.
I do believe this month will be our last month TTC on our own, (maybe one more after that) before we do another FET. Our plan is to BD every other day for about 6-7 days this cycle, regardless of the overnight survival rate of his sperm. Then at least we can say we tried every possible BD combination over the past 3 months.
In the meantime, you can find me moping around, eating caramel-fudge brownies in my pajamas, watching Lifetime movies with my heating pad on while trying to fight off the wrath of the viscous Aunt Flow. In other words, I am pretty much wallowing in self-pity for a few days. And I am OK with that!