A Cliffhanger

My OB just rang to let us know that our AFP test came back negative.  For those who dont know, this test measures for an elevated protein in the blood that indicates Spina Bifida. The Panorama test that ruled out trisomies earlier in our pregnancy did not test for this. So, of course, this is fantastic news! 

In other great news, my Medela In-Style Advanced Double Electric breast pump has arrived, free of charge thanks to my insurance. It was quite easy to apply for the pump. All I had to do was go to Medela’s site and enter my and my docs info. From my understanding, under the Affordable Care Act, most should qualify for a free pump. It is def worth checking out since pumps are so darn expensive nowadays. *Note-there is no income verfication for this. 

Symptoms? 

I have failed to add this piece into my last few posts. So here goes… Low back pain takes the cake. Its awful! Are there any ladies out there that can recommend a back brace/support for this?? I plan to ask my MFM at my next appointment, and if he cant assist, I may make an appointment with my orthopedic surgeon to see what he says. My scoliosis and herniated discs are not helping this situation Im sure. Things like the pool and stretching do relieve some pressure but I think I need more. 

Pregnancy brain is going strong. Usually math is my strong suit, and lately I have noticed my computation is quite off. I even forget things like what month or year it is. Crazy, I know. I have also been experiencing some “brain zaps” which I attribute to going off my Lexapro (generalized anxiety disorder medication). I hadnt advertised here that I was ever on Lexapro, but cat out of the bag, after our last loss occurred back in the spring of 2015 it was what was best for me.  I never mentioned it because some people tend to judge, especially those who have not experienced true anxiety or panic.  Anyways, I started weaning off of it this pregnancy at 12 weeks, and was completely done by 16 weeks. I knew prior to being pregnant this time that I wanted to be on it through at least the first trimester, but off of it before my 3rd trimester, as it *can* be associated with pre-term labor, poor lung development, withdrawls for baby, etc. Needless to say, I have been off for about 2 weeks now and almost all of my withdrawls are gone except for the odd brain zaps here & there. Id try to explain these zaps, but I dont know how. Anyone who has gone off of a medication probably knows what I mean. 

Being on the Lexapro/going off the Lexapro was a really tough decision, but we had the opinions of many doctors, close friends, and family to help us. In the beginning, the benefits outweighed the risks (and we thank God everyday that baby has proven to be healthy despite being on it), but the further along we get, the risks outweigh the benefits. U fortunately, I can definitely tell that my anxiety has come back since off of it, but it is manageable and I will survive. 

Other than preggo brain, anxiety, and backaches, Id say my only other symptoms would be difficulty sleeping at night and excessive hunger. Im used to sleeping on my stomach which is becoming harder by the day. Although none of these are anything to complain about…All worth it for baby boy! 

This week my mom and I are meeting with the cake lady to finalize the baby shower cake. I dont want to say too much about the cake, Id rather it be a surprise.  Speaking of surprises, we are about 98% sure of miracles first name! Picking baby names is tough, and boy names are even tougher. Throw in being a teacher and having had a student in your class with every name and you are screwed. Lol. We are really just debating middle names more than anything at this point. 

I do have some other major news to report (nothing to worry about), but it wont come until later in the week or next week. Ill leave you all in suspense until then…

Where to Begin?

Ill start with an update on the doppler I ended up purchasing last week. I went back & forth about getting one, and I took every review written by you all in my prior post into consideration. Let me start off by saying I am so glad I bit the bullet and got one. 

When it first arrived, I was nervous to use it. I purchased the Sonoline B and it was only $35 new with shipping included. I got it off a website called Jet.com and there was a first time user $15 off coupon. I watched a few you tube tutorials before I began. I got frustrated after some time (probably 20 minutes) of not being able to find the heartbeat. I didnt freak out though, as I knew this could likely happen, especially the first time. So, I took a break, drank some juice, and let the dogs out. I was back at it for probably another 2o minutes when I realized that I had been focusing mainly right below my belly button, as this is what most of the you tube videos showed working. I decided to go lower, like all the way to the top of my pelvis bone. And wa-la! I found Miracle’s little heart beating away. I got butterflies as soon as I heard it! So special. 

Since the first day using it, I have been able to locate the heartbeat every morning within a minute or two. Miracle has been hanging out in the same spot all week so it makes it really easy. I first tried the doppler at exactly 11 weeks, and I have been told that baby will start to move up a little as I approach 12 weeks. I am assuming this means I wont be finding Miracle in the same spot, but thankfully I am prepared for that and hence not going to worry when that occurs. Overall, I would definitely recommend this product to any woman who needs the extra confidence during pregnancy. It really helps.


In other exciting news, we got the results of our Panorama screening test back. The results given come in 1 of 2 ways- high-risk or low-risk. Baby came back low-risk  for all trisomies tested! Thank God. We were prepared to love our child fully either way, but it is still a relief. The only other major screening I will do is the AFP (I believe thats the correct acronym, not 100%sure) at 16 weeks for Spina Bifida. 

We also found out the gender from the test!!! Initially, we planned to have a gender reveal party with our close friends and family. My mom offered to host, and it seemed perfect. As time went on, I started to reconsider having a party. I really have no clue why, but I did. In the end, hubby & I decided to do an intimate reveal with just the two of us, my mom, stepdad, & brother.  So when the doctors office called and said the results were in, I threw on some clothes and raced to get the results. We then went straight to Publix with the envelope! Thankfully, the lady at the bakery was super nice and said she would do it right on the spot…only a 20 minute wait! 

As hubby & I waited, I felt so nervous. It seemed like a million years. Eventually, we got the cupcakes and headed to my mom’s with our 2 doggies (of course they had to be part of the fun!). Hubby & I were sporting pink because our votes were girl, while the others thought boy. Mostly all of our friends and followers voted girl, with a few exceptions. 


We set up our phones to video and all cut the cupcakes at the same time…and we are thrilled to report we are having a baby BOY!!! Ahhhh!!! Such a shocker! We are so so so excited. 

It was such an amazing experience to share with our family, one I will never forget. Ive already watched the video a thousand times! Lol. After the reveal, mom & I had to go do a little shopping. We got some cute outfits I must say. 

Today I went for my 12 week OB appointment and we got to see baby again on ultrasound. He was being shy and it looked like he threw up his fist at us like “leave me alone!” At our appt, we set up bi-weekly scans for monitoring my cervix length starting in 2 weeks. I will get these until I am 24 weeks along. I also got the referral to an MFM doctor, which I will be seeing soon. 

Lastly, I found out I will have a c-section. At first, I was bummed because I really wanted to try naturally, but the more I thought about it, I just want what is best for baby and I. Since I had a myomectomy for my fibroid removal, and it was in my uterine wall, a vaginal delivery isnt safe. I guess my uterine wall could rupture because the muscles just arent as strong. My tenative date is set for December 18th. 

Its hard to believe we are nearing the end of the first trimester. I thank God everyday. I never thought we would be here at times. I pray everyday we get to bring our little boy home this Christmas. 

Graduation Day 

A bittersweet day. More sweet than bitter of course, saying good-bye to my RE’s office that is. Since 2013, this has been what we have been working towards after all.  

Its been a rough week leading up to todays appointment. A few days ago, I realized that my nausea and gas had tapered off. Of course this made me a nervous wreck. I also noticed I wasnt as thirsty in the middle of the night as I have been and no dizzy spells. Even though my boobs were still passing hubby’s daily test, I had bitten every nail and cried at least 3 times in 3 days. Poor hubby. He even surprised me with a sweet Pandora baby carriage charm to try and cheer me up. It was beautiful and I was so grateful, but still it didnt take the anxiety of a loss away. Pregnancy after loss is brutal. I cant and I wont sugarcoat it. 

In fact, the only thing keeping me somewhat sane was my insatiable hunger. I must eat every few hours or Im a mess. I wont even begin to tell you some of the guilty pleasures I have given into, because I know its the least of my concerns right now. Eating is about the only relief currently for me. Anyways, my RE reminded me via email that around 10 weeks majority of symptoms start to wane. For most, this might be a nice relief, but not for someone who has experienced a missed miscarriage before. 

As I drove to my appointment today, I thought of every drive I have made to the clinic over the years. The feelings of joy, fear, anger, disappointment, loss, doubt, love, hope, excitement…all overcame me. When I checked in, I sat down and stared down at my tiny bump now starting to show. What if I lose it again after all this?All of it seemed overwhelming. I tried to remember the prayers hubby and I said earlier, and the verses we read. Even though it was tough, I knew God was with me. 

It didnt take long for Miracle to appear on the screen. Our baby is doing so great. Look at those little legs! Just from last week the progress is simply amazing. I felt so thankful seeing the life that has been entrusted to me from above thriving.  


I had a bit of a hard time saying bye to my doc. We hugged and talked, I reassured her I would stop in, she told me not to hesitate to get in touch with her and that she is still here for us. We do have 1 embryo left in her care so I tried to remind myself that today is more of “see you later” than “good-bye”
1 week from today we have our 12 week doppler with our OB. Im officially off bed rest, but plan to take it easy still. I did order the doppler as of last night, and it should be here by next week. I figure this will help me get through the weeks Im not getting scanned. Im quite used to seeing baby every week, but at least we will still get to hear baby with this. 

We are anxiously awaiting the gender results. Its been 1 week since the test, and it can take up to 2. I was so set it was a girl initially, but now Im leaning towards a boy. Hubby says girl, mom says boy, and doctor says boy….most of my friends say girl…so who knows! The Old Wives Tales are tied! What is your guess???

In other news, I have many blessings to report. For starters, our cleaning lady is working out great. It really has been a weight off our shoulders right now. We plan to continue this throughout the duration of my pregnancy.  Second, Im happy to report that I am done taking my Del Estrogen injections. One medication down! Third, my dear friend from out of state has put together a package that she is mailing to me this week. The package includes all of her maternity clothes, a sling, baby monitor, etc. How blessed am I to receive this! Next, all of the days I took under FMLA unpaid were covered by my amazing co-workers, meaning they donated me their sick days so I could get paid. I am speechless for this and so happy I work at a school with people that are more like a family than anything else.  

All this being said, despite the anxiety, I am starting to believe this may really be our take home baby. It feels like a lot of things have fallen into place and for that I thank God. Everyday I get to carry this life I am so incredibly honored. 

Bedrest 

I have officially been on bedrest for only 14 days, but if you count in the bedrest after the embryo transfer (+48 hours) and all the bleeding episodes, I would guess I am up to about 25 days of it or so. And I suspect the rest will continue until the 2nd trimester. 

So what am I doing all day to keep my sanity? Well, it depends on the day. Some days I read my “Expecting Hope After Pregnancy Loss” book which helps calm me down a bit. Other times when I want to distract myself, I have been reading the rather thick Nicholas Sparks novel, “See Me.” Ive also spent some time flipping through glam magazines and the such from a care package I received a few weeks ago. Speaking of care packages, another one arrived today. The charm is simply perfect and Im grateful to know I am in anothers thoughts and prayers during this tough time. 

To relax, I spend time listening to my Circle + Bloom pregnancy CD, and watching cheesy lifetime movies. My mom visits almost daily, and I have gone to her house a few times as well. In my other time, I sit on the patio with the dogs (who are highly enjoying me being home all the time), surf the web pinning cute baby things, and stuffing my face! I would have to say the thing I miss the most is taking hot baths. Boy, do I want to submerge myself in one. 

I started the triple progesterone therapy last week, even though my level came back at a whopping 84 prior to starting. Its kind of a pain doing the Crinone again (yuk), and Im hoping that at our appt this week the SCH will be gone and we can just do the oral meds and the shots. 

I will be 9 weeks this Friday. I am very nervous of another missed miscarriage. I have felt nauseous on and off today more than usual so that comforts me a bit. Anytime I feel lousy I am pleased. Hubby “checks” my boobs everyday to make sure they are still swollen. As he says, ‘the boobs dont lie.’ 

If all goes well this week, next week we will be getting the Panorama blood test done. It will take about 2 weeks to get our results in. This is the only test we have opted to do, as it is supposedly about 99.9% accurate for genetic anomalies. It will also tell us the gender of the baby. We had originally planned to do a gender reveal party, but I go back and forth with the idea of it. I guess we will decide soon. I still havent taken 1 “bump” picture. I am pretty sure Im going to wait until 12 weeks or so. 

Yea, this post is all over the place just like me right now. Keep us in your prayers please!!