Good Riddance Halloween 

Here is my Negative Nelly (PMS) post for the day…the top 10 reasons why Halloween sucked this year-

  1. We didn’t have our babies here to put those cute “My First Halloween” shirts on, as we were supposed to. These types of photos continually flooded my FB feed all day and night.
  2. We didn’t have a kid to dress up and take trick or treating, and subsequently argue with about much candy they were allowed to eat. 
  3. We have no kids that trick or treat in our neighboorhood-literally we do not get even 1 knock on our door, and its not like we live in the boon docks or something. Weird. 
  4. It was 88 degrees. Seriously? Who wants a heat wave on Halloween? 
  5. I went to Publix to grocery shop. I got in line at the deli. The guy who waited on me wanted to make small talk and I really wasnt in the mood.  Long story short, he asked me if I had any kids. When I told him I didnt, he had the NERVE to ask my why not. You have got to be kidding me! I cant even go to the grocery store without encountering a person who has no regard of how to mind their own business. Its one thing to ask me if I have kids, but to go on to pry as to why I dont, when we are complete strangers and not only that, we are at your place of work, totally boggles my mind. You might be wondering how I answered. I’m surprised I didnt tell him off; instead I pulled my teacher card excuse out and stated, “oh I am around 20 of them everyday.”  He left me alone. I should have reported his ass. 
  6. My husband was on call for the holiday. I hate holidays without him. 
  7. I woke up with a pounding headache and scratchy throat. Hope I’m not getting sick.
  8. I had to work pretty much all day on the virtual course I teach at the college.
  9. No pumpkins were carved this Halloween.
  10. Lastly, I miss my dog, Nacho.  We used to dress him up for Halloween often.  I looked through some old pictures of his costumes and it must have set me off. I balled my eyes out to the point of choking and trying to catch my breath as I tightly squeezed my other half. I still blame myself for a lot of how my almost 17 year old baby spent his last days, and unfortunately I rehashed it yesterday. About once every 3 months since he has been gone I do this. Hard to believe he had been gone for 16 months now. 
Nacho & I Halloween 2007

Okay, my rant is over now…And so is Halloween, thank God!  I have never been a fan of it, but something about this year made it much more noticable than usual.  

Anyways, I am so ready for my 2 favorite holidays, what I like to call the real holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas. See ya later, October! Welcome November! 

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month 

October is a month of remembrance for several things close to so many peoples hearts; most commonly, Breast Cancer. In addition, it is disability and domestic violence awareness month.  Most of us RPL survivors know that October is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month.  On Facebook, a lot of people, including myself, have turned their profile pictures pink and blue with the hashtag #gopinkandblue. 

  

I have wanted to do something to bring more awareness to pregnancy loss since I have become a victim, but I have never really known where to start other than just speaking out on social media outlets.  In my heart, I want to do more for those hurting, but again, I find myself not sure where to begin.

I have prayed that if God wants me to do something, he will show me a sign. In fact, not too long ago, I went to a womans conference at a local church.  At the end of the conference, they passed out a survey for each woman to fill out.  Most of the questions centered around the conference, but there was one question that did not.  This question asked if I would be interested in starting any type of outreach or ministry and if so, what for.  I went back and forth about filling it out, but immediately, as soon as I read it, I knew maybe it was my chance to reach other women/couples in my shoes.  This being said, I finally wrote down that I would be willing to start a pregnancy/baby loss group.  I prayed that if it was meant to be for someone to please call me.  No one ever did. 

Maybe it isnt the right time. Maybe I am not in the mindset to be of help to anyone yet. Maybe I would not help them in a positive way.  I dont really know.  But, regardless, I am keeping my faith that one day I can help women in a way that only those who have felt the pain themselves understand. 

  

Since I do not know what to do right now to reach out, I decided that I would write this post in honor of October being pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. I dont have many words, so I have found images to represent the love,pain and anguish I, and I am assuming so many others, feel each day.  Please know you are not alone.  

  

  
  

  
  
 
  
    

 
  
  
 
  
 

I will be lighting a candle on October 15, along with millions of others, for every baby we have lost.  I invite you to light one too, whether you personally have lost a baby or not.  Please remember that 1 in 4 experience this kind of loss, and many do not speak out about it.