Happy Birthday 

Today baby Isaiah and his twin, who we lost on February 6, 2015, would be celebrating their 1st birthday’s. 

Its hard to believe they would already be 1. Which means our babies lost from IVF cycles 1 & 2 would be even older than that. Gulp. 

Although they were only with us for a short time, we miss them. We miss all the “could have been’s” that we will never experience here on Earth with them. And we look forward to the day we all meet again.

Happy Birthday babies. We know you are celebrating up above. Sending our love. 

Viability 

Not only are the best months of the year finally here (the ‘ber months), but so is viability. We made it. 6 months pregnant. God is good! 

Our 24 week ultrasound today showed that baby is growing on track, now just over 1 and 1/2 lbs., my fluid level is good, and my cervix is still closed & long, measuring over 4. We are so thankful. 

I know I have said it before, but this is truly a day we did not think was possible after years of trying to conceive on our own, 2 failed IUIs, several major surgeries, 4 IVF cycles, & 4 consecutive losses. But here we are, one day closer to bringing our miracle baby boy home. I promised myself I would relax more once we got to this point, so I am really going to *try* my best to do so. 

Our goal is to make it to 28 weeks now. I have a feeling it will come rather quickly, as we have a growth scan at the MFM and my glucose test during the few weeks until then. Also coming up in a month is our baby shower for which the invites got mailed this week. I really cant believe all these things are so close! 

Today I got my hair cut and I scheduled an appointment for both my make-up and my hair to be done for our maternity photo session. It takes some pressure off of me, as I am lousy at doing both of these. In addition, I made a mani/pedi appt for the shower and the shoot. I think I am all set in this department!

Symptoms? 

Still having some BH contractions here & there but have found drinking water totally helps. That said, my new routine is to get up and drink 64 ounces before noon each day. I make sure I get the suggested amount out of the way and then I just sip the rest of the day. Thank God I am off work, or I wouldnt be doing this because basically I am in the bathroom peeing all morning long! Seriously. Ive never been a big drinker either so sticking to a schedule is really helping out.

In the middle of the night, my hands and arms have been going numb here & there. I guess this could be a sign of carpal tunnel? At least thats what my Ovia pregnancy app had pop up as a common thing this week. Im not too worried about it, I just shake them out and it goes away.

Im getting picky about food again. Things arent sounding as great as Id like them to. Ugh. Eating as healthy as possible though, trying to incorporate in each of the food groups everyday. Thankfully I havent wanted sweets much at all, hoping this will help me pass my sugar test! 

Other news? 

We got everything we need to create the closet system in miracle’s room. Now that we have the materials, we plan to work on it over the long weekend. Im excited because I have lots of clothes and items to organize in there! Hubby pointed out how we are going to be jealous of the baby’s closet…how is it that he has a better one than us already? Lol. I might as well get used to it, part of being a parent I know!  

Diary of a Pregnant Woman, Vol. 1

Dont let the fancy name fool you, really just some more ramblings! 

Sometimes I feel like a bad mom already. Few reasons why-

  • I take hot baths, not scolding or anything, but hotter than I prolly should I guess 
  • I lay on my back sometimes instead of my side 
  • I let my emotions get the best of me, a.k.a. Crying for no apparent reason, hence bringing the baby stress he doesnt need 

Hopefully you will make me feel better about my behaviors not worse. Lol.

We are 23 weeks today, really close to our goal of viability next week. Thus, I ordered an “I believe we will be bringing our baby home” token…the owlet. Praying this will give us some peace of mind once our little miracle Isaac is here.


If you dont know about it, you can read about it here http://www.owletcare.com/ basically it monitors the baby’s oxygen and heartrate as they sleep. Its the same technology used in many hospital NICUs. 

I also had to invest in some maternity wear for myself this week. I bought both maternity underwear and bras. My pre-pregnancy bra size was a 34B and it is now a 38C. Wowzers!! These things are out of control. Needless to say, I couldnt take it anymore squeezed into those old bras, with the red marks and indents in my skin appearing when I took them off. 

Yesterday was the first day I could actually see baby kicking when I looked down at my stomach. I have been feeling him on & off, but hadnt seen my stomach move yet. It was really weird to see for the first time but Im sure I will get quite used to it. In fact, it didnt happen today & I already missed it. I do wish hubby could have seen it with me for the first time but he was at work. 

Speaking of hubby…any of my infertile or loss friends that are preggo also celebrating celibacy during pregnancy? Either by your own fears or doctors orders? Ours has been a combo of both, since APRIL (embryo transfer). Thankfully we are both on the same page with it. Sorry if TMI, but Im sure there are plenty other bloggers in a similar boat out there. 

This weekend we are starting on the closet system in the nursery. This is a pic off Pinterest of what we hope to achieve.


Hope everyone has a relaxing weekend!! 

A Change of Heart 

Since we have been pregnant I have been on the fence about if I want to do a maternity photo shoot or not. Its kind of odd because I love pictures, and have never been shy of a camera. In the past, I even dreamed of the day I could do a bump shoot. 

We take bump pics every week (in the privacy of our home), and have documented our infertility and pregnancy loss journey through photos closely on our Instagram account over the years. But still, something about the whole professional maternity shoot idea wasnt settling well with me all of a sudden. Hard to explain, but I think it triggered some sort of anxiety deep within my soul? 

I dont know what changed, but I am back on board with getting the photos done. I realize I may never have the chance again, and I want to embrace it while I can. So, I scheduled our session today and also ordered my outfit. I will be about 30 weeks for the shoot, and Im hoping it will work out that Im not too big or too small, but instead just right!

We were able to choose the location, and we decided on the beach for a sunset session. This is the polar opposite of our last shoot, which we did last year in the winter with snow falling in the background. I have included one below..


I feel like the difference in these two settings willcertainly align with the moods of the times in our lives. The beach should yield a much more carefree and airy mood, whereas the barren woods…well, need I say more? It was very solemn for us, and rightfully so. 

Anyways, I wont divulge too much about the details, but I will say I ordered my outfit off of a site called Sew Trendy Accessories. Im really excited for it to arrive! Its definitely only a one time wear, but its just beautiful. Hubby will be in some of the photos too, in which we will both be barefoot. 

Im undecided on my hair, I wanted to wear a floral crown but hubby & my mom both say no! They are trying to convince me to be more natural like the outfit is. That means Id have to do my hair though, and that is a problem. The extent of me doing my hair is straightening it. B-o-r-i-n-g! I suppose I will have my nails done, as our shower is just a few weeks before the shoot and I thought about doing them for that. 

In other news, we wont be doing an out of town babymoon. We hoped to, but between my pregnancy being high risk and me not working, it isnt feasible. Instead, we are going to do a few special date days/nights around where we live. A benefit to living in South Florida is that there are many places within driving distance that we dont need to stay overnight! Until next time…

Name Reveal!

Our miracle baby boy’s name is finalized. 

We have had many years as we struggled with infertility and loss to ponder names. 

When choosing a name, what matters most to us is that it have strong meaning behind it. I have always preferred a biblical name to give God thanks for what he has done for us. 

This being said, his name will be Isaac William.

Isaac means “laughter” or “he laughs,” and William means “protector.”  

There is meaning behind both. Here is a little background of Isaac in the bible-


After God fulfilled his promise and Sarah gave birth, He told them to name their child, Isaac, meaning laughter. Isaac went on to live a godly life, marrying Rebecca, who was also barren for a time like his mother. Never giving up faith, Isaac and Rebecca went on to eventually have twins of their own. If you would like to read more, you can find the story of his life in the book of Genesis in the bible. 

As for his middle name, William is after hubby’s paternal grandfather, and also after the middle name of our son who passed away in February of 2015 (Isaiah William).

We hope you love it as much as we do. 

We just cant wait to meet Isaac William this winter 💙

Saying Good-bye Again

The title may seem alarming, so let me assure you that we are not saying good-bye to another baby. Thank God. Instead, I am saying bye to my job once again. 

As many of you know, I am a teacher and sufferred through 3 IVF cycles, all to followed by miscarriages, while in the classroom. After the 3rd loss, I resigned for various reasons (mostly for my sanity), but long story short, I ended up only taking the summer off before heading back into the classroom yet again this past year. I must say I am so happy that my arm was twisted a bit and I got to put in one more year at my amazing “A” rated school.

When we got pregnant from this 4th IVF cycle back in April, I ended up having to take yet another medical leave in May due to it being a heterotopic pregnancy. Between the recovery from that surgery, and a large SCH that popped up, I never made it back to finish the year off with my students. 

As usual, the school that I had been at for the past 6 years was more than understanding. I had a wonderful team of adminstrators and teachers who took over and got done what needed to be to keep things going smoothly. For that, I am forever grateful.  

After my SCH cleared up, I found out I had complete placenta previa about a month ago. I was, once again, put on limited movement. It was then I realized that since we found out we were pregnant back in April I have pretty much been on bed rest and pelvic rest. 

The good news is that my previa is moving and it is already marginal, not complete anymore. However, both my OB and MFM doctor feel that being on rest has served us good throughout my pregnancy so far. Hubby and I have to agree. This is the farthest along we have ever gotten. 

Which brings us to the good-bye. Per doctors orders, my medical leave will be extended until baby comes in December. After that, I will continue my maternity leave as I originally planned until the end of the school year. This being said, I will be out for the whole year. 

Once again, I have received open arms from my principal and team mates about this situation. This really helps because I hate to disappoint those who count on me. Plus, lets face it, being home all the time allowing your mind to race isnt the easiest thing. And financially, well, I dont even need to go there, because most middle class folks understand the struggle here. But staying home, stress free, off my feet all day, is the BEST thing for a healthy full term baby and thats the priority right now. We simply cannot risk it. 

So that was the “big” secret I mentioned in my last post. It might not seem “big” to some, but I love my job and will miss it a lot. I guess we will see what Fall 2017 has to bring for me and my teaching career…

A Cliffhanger

My OB just rang to let us know that our AFP test came back negative.  For those who dont know, this test measures for an elevated protein in the blood that indicates Spina Bifida. The Panorama test that ruled out trisomies earlier in our pregnancy did not test for this. So, of course, this is fantastic news! 

In other great news, my Medela In-Style Advanced Double Electric breast pump has arrived, free of charge thanks to my insurance. It was quite easy to apply for the pump. All I had to do was go to Medela’s site and enter my and my docs info. From my understanding, under the Affordable Care Act, most should qualify for a free pump. It is def worth checking out since pumps are so darn expensive nowadays. *Note-there is no income verfication for this. 

Symptoms? 

I have failed to add this piece into my last few posts. So here goes… Low back pain takes the cake. Its awful! Are there any ladies out there that can recommend a back brace/support for this?? I plan to ask my MFM at my next appointment, and if he cant assist, I may make an appointment with my orthopedic surgeon to see what he says. My scoliosis and herniated discs are not helping this situation Im sure. Things like the pool and stretching do relieve some pressure but I think I need more. 

Pregnancy brain is going strong. Usually math is my strong suit, and lately I have noticed my computation is quite off. I even forget things like what month or year it is. Crazy, I know. I have also been experiencing some “brain zaps” which I attribute to going off my Lexapro (generalized anxiety disorder medication). I hadnt advertised here that I was ever on Lexapro, but cat out of the bag, after our last loss occurred back in the spring of 2015 it was what was best for me.  I never mentioned it because some people tend to judge, especially those who have not experienced true anxiety or panic.  Anyways, I started weaning off of it this pregnancy at 12 weeks, and was completely done by 16 weeks. I knew prior to being pregnant this time that I wanted to be on it through at least the first trimester, but off of it before my 3rd trimester, as it *can* be associated with pre-term labor, poor lung development, withdrawls for baby, etc. Needless to say, I have been off for about 2 weeks now and almost all of my withdrawls are gone except for the odd brain zaps here & there. Id try to explain these zaps, but I dont know how. Anyone who has gone off of a medication probably knows what I mean. 

Being on the Lexapro/going off the Lexapro was a really tough decision, but we had the opinions of many doctors, close friends, and family to help us. In the beginning, the benefits outweighed the risks (and we thank God everyday that baby has proven to be healthy despite being on it), but the further along we get, the risks outweigh the benefits. U fortunately, I can definitely tell that my anxiety has come back since off of it, but it is manageable and I will survive. 

Other than preggo brain, anxiety, and backaches, Id say my only other symptoms would be difficulty sleeping at night and excessive hunger. Im used to sleeping on my stomach which is becoming harder by the day. Although none of these are anything to complain about…All worth it for baby boy! 

This week my mom and I are meeting with the cake lady to finalize the baby shower cake. I dont want to say too much about the cake, Id rather it be a surprise.  Speaking of surprises, we are about 98% sure of miracles first name! Picking baby names is tough, and boy names are even tougher. Throw in being a teacher and having had a student in your class with every name and you are screwed. Lol. We are really just debating middle names more than anything at this point. 

I do have some other major news to report (nothing to worry about), but it wont come until later in the week or next week. Ill leave you all in suspense until then…

*Feeling* Fireworks

Since my last post, and being diagnosed with the placenta previa, we have taken some major steps forward with our pregnancy. Positive ones that is.

First off, thank you so much to everyone who commented on this diagnosis, making me feel a lot better. I have realized just how common it is and how good the outlooks are for it with proper treatment. 

That being said, we have ordered some big nursery items! Pottery barn was having a 4th of July 25% off sale and we have been interested in their cribs due to the excellent quality. Hubby is big on the materials used when we buy furniture, so I listen to him because I really have no clue. We ended up ordering the crib we wanted for a great deal and I am so excited! Hubby said it is basically hand crafted. It should be here in about 2 weeks and I will give more details on it then. We also purchased a bookshelf and a changing table. Initially, we werent going to get a changing table, just use the top of a dresser, but we have decided not to get a dresser for now because hubby is redoing the closet and putting drawers in it. He plans to do something similar to this…


Buying these items was somewhat scary, because I still wonder ‘what if something goes wrong?’ but I am trying to work past those thoughts. All we need now is a rocker/glider, but we will hold off for a bit on it, although we have picked one out we both like. My mom offered to help with the furniture, but I refused since she is paying for our shower. I am hoping to register for the rest of our big items (mattress, stroller, baby monitor, car seat, high chair, play pen, mamaroo, etc.) and perhaps get them that way. I have been doing tons of research on the safest items, and have begun making some decisions. So far, I like to dedicate a day or so to each item, reading and watching videos, and then make a decision on which one we would like. 

In other EXCITING news, I officially felt our miracle baby boy move today!!! At first I wasnt sure what was going on, but then in a moment I knew what the rolling flutter in my tummy was. It was awesome. Fireworks went off inside of me. Ive been waiting a reallyyyy long time for this day and yet I feel at a loss for words about it. For all of you who are reading this, and think it will never happen or it seems so far out of reach right now, dont give up. I am so glad we didnt, even though we wanted to many times. Keep believing. 

To celebrate this milestone, I bought a temperature gauge for the bathtub so I could take a warm bath. I havent had one since March, and I used to take them daily. 


This guy is my new BFF. LOL. The bath was so relaxing and I didnt worry since I could see the temp the whole time. 

As I type this, I can hear tons of fireworks going off outside. Hubby is at work, the dogs are in hiding, and I am tucked into bed. I hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th! Sending love~

First MFM Appt & More

We had our first appointment with the high risk doc this week. For the first time in awhile, I wasnt nervous going into the appointment (thanks to my doppler). In fact, my blood pressure was actually in normal range when taken. This is unusual for me. At my RE’s office, they learned to take it at the end of my appointments, after my scans, when my anxiety was gone. This time I had it taken before our ultrasound…celebrate the small steps!

The MFM office was very different than what we are used to. The office was packed, with row like, uncomfortable seating. There were loud kids and kids toys everywhere. Complete opposite of a fertility clinic. At our RE’s office, there were nice, comfy chairs and it was quite peaceful. We also had to wait over an hour, something else we arent accustomed to either. Despite the differences, we stayed open-minded and had a good visit overall.

One thing we both really liked was the huge flatscreen hanging on the wall in the ultrasound room. We didnt have this at our old clinic, and its nice to not strain to see baby on the little computer screen attached to the machine. We also had an abdominal ultra which was reassuring that we are moving along in this pregnancy. I coulnt believe how big our boy has gotten since we saw him last! 


The ultrasound tech kept commenting on how active he was. He was kicking away, although I cant feel any of it yet.  Last time we had a scan, it was tough to make out the facial profile but we can actually see hubby’s resemblence in the pic above. Simply amazing! 

After our scan, we met with the mid-wife (next time I will see the doc) and she reviewed our history and the scan. Thankfully, all looked perfect on the scan. Even though we did the Panorama already and it was low-risk, they still did the NT test and it came back negative too. Ill be going to my OB in 2 weeks and then back to MFM 2 weeks after that. Basically, appointments every 2 wks to measure my cervix. Speaking of my cervix, it was long (just over 4 cm) and closed. Thank God! 

I am 14 weeks today (officially out of the first trimester by all pregnancy calendars out there!!) and my new concern has become my cervix shortening. I had the LEEP done back in 2004, along with lots of other surgeries that put me at a slightly higher risk of it happening, such as d & c’s. I know plenty of women who had the LEEP and have been fine, but my mind sometimes goes down the path of negativity. A late term loss seems unimaginable and devastating. I am praying with the team of doctors I have we will catch anything that could occur right away. 

In other news, we put up a new fan in the nursery this week (thanks mom!). I really loved it because it has bead board blades and we are going with a whale theme which is somewhat beachy like the bead board. 


We also got the paint for the walls. This weekend we are tearing out the carpet and small baseboards in there so we can paint it. I cant wait! It’s also hubby’s bday tomorrow so we have a busy weekend ahead of us. 

Any symptoms? 

Weight gain! I couldnt believe it when I got weighed at the doctor this week. Im okay with it, just surprised. Ive already put on close to 10 lbs lol. Headaches on and off. Moodiness here & there. Lower backaches lately. I have pretty severe scoliosis to begin with (I wore a back brace for yrs as a kid), and a herniated disc, so I knew this was likely to be a problem during pregnancy. Hubby has been massaging me, and I have been icing it as needed. I still havent taken a hot bath or shower, which is what I miss more than anything right now. 

I ordered a few onesies off etsy and I must share them with you…


You cannot find things like this in stores so its well worth it. We also became FB official with our pregnancy this past week. A happy, but scary move for us. 


The pic included our due date, a shout out to our clinic, and one of our fav bible verses, 1 Samuel 1:27. 

When discussing my symptoms, I failed to mention my pregnancy brain as of lately (gee imagine that!). It has been bad, luckily Im not working right now bc I have been forgetting everything. That being said, I think there was more I wanted to say here, but it has slipped my mind.

Believing 

I havent felt like blogging much lately. Its hard to explain, but I know a few other ladies who went through this phase once they fell pregnant again after losses and/or treatments. Still, I am always thinking of you ladies…no matter where you are in this process. 

I have been spending most of my time praying this pregnancy is going to stick. To help myself believe this, I have been keeping busy and doing things I never thought Id do should we be pregnant again. For instance, I have been buying baby clothes and things for the nursery. I have been wearing maternity clothes and taking weekly photos. We have been discussing names for our baby.  All of these things are helping me believe.  

We cleaned out our office last week. Regardless of expecting, it needed it badly. 


The room is now empty, except for the baby stuff we have. A lot of it has been purchased over the years, or sent by friends, family or followers. Sometimes I just go in the room early in the morning and sit and stare at it all. Its hard for me to believe it. 


We decided to go with a whale theme for the nursery. We plan to paint the walls grey, with white crown molding and baseboards, and either a navy or grey carpet.  We have looked at a few cribs, and are not sure if we want white or grey yet, thankfully we have plenty of time to decide. 

I am 13 weeks tomorrow and the first trimester has seemed like eternity. I dont have symptoms anymore, so I thank God for my doppler. I listen to miracle baby boy every morning.  His heartrate is usually anywhere from 125-150.  This is also the first week I have not had a doctor appointment since I became pregnant. Next week we see our MFM or high risk OB for the first time. They will do a consult and an ultra. I cant wait to see how much he has grown. 

Speaking of growing, some days I feel bigger than others. This initially freaked me out, but after talking to some others I realized its normal at this point in the pregnancy (bloat v. bump), especially being our first pregnancy to get this far.   My wonderful friend from up north sent me all of her maternity clothes this week. I cant even say how blessed I feel about this! I finally have things to wear that fit and it saved us a ton of money. 



In addition to all of these things I have been doing to believe, my mom and I also found a venue to book my baby shower at. We have set the date for October 9th. Ill be about 29 weeks then. Its a very beautiful location.


So that is about all that is happening here…trying to stay positive and enjoy my summer off. Before I know it, Ill be heading back to school in the fall.