Packing it All Up

Last night was spent packing up all of our TTC/IF/IVF “stuff” yet once again.  Over the years, we have boxed up all of this “stuff” up and put it away time and time again for things like failed cycles, pregnancy losses, etc.  Since our FET cycle has officially been called off, I figured it was time to do a quick sweep of the house and find all the items we had been planning to use starting this week but won’t be and get rid of them.  Here is what I found so far…

Item 1: 

Lovely TTC Crate shipped to me with lots of special goodies inside. I actually just got this package, and as I started to tear it open, I decided against it. I will save it for when we (hopefully) start TTC again one day.

Item 2:

Crinone leftover from previous fails, that would have been used this time around.

Item 3:

You probably can’t even tell what this is from the picture, so let me tell you. This is a DEEP box with folders, binders, receipts, loose papers, cards, etc. all pertaining to TTC. I threw in some more papers to top it off before it goes back into its closet.

Item 4:

LH strips, HCG strips, and urine cups. Won’t be needing these anymore!

Item 5:

Circle + Bloom Audio CD’s purchased for the upcoming FET and possible pregnancy…neither have ever been opened.

Item 6:

Although we did not need this for our FET, we won’t be using it at home anymore either. It’s not safe for me to get pregnant at all right now.

Item 7: 

A book that I prayed would help me get through a pregnancy should our FET have worked.

Out of sight, out of mind, right? I wish it was that simple! Even though it’s a lot harder than that, I still can’t stomach to see all of this “stuff” just laying around for months and months.  Maybe God-willingly one day we will be able to bring it all back out, but for now…it’s bye-bye.

Positively Positive +

Well, here it is…

My BFP ovulation prediction test.  No, this is not a BFP pregnancy test! However, we are still stoked about this positive.

Would you believe it if I told you I have never gotten a positive on one of these before? Never, ever? Well, it’s the truth, because I haven’t. I tried the Clear Blue tests years ago, before our IVF days & never saw success with them. They were pricey, and eventually I gave up.

Looking back, I didn’t know nearly as much about my fertility then as I do now. That being said, I think I was always testing too early during my cycle. We didn’t really think much of it either because I was always getting my period every 28 days, so we knew I had to be ovulating at some point. We just couldn’t pinpoint it. Instead we followed my OB-GYN’s orders, did the deed starting on day 12 up until day 16, and hoped it would just happen like it does for others. Well, as you know, it never did.

Now to the present day, 3 IVF miscarriages later. I recently bought the Wondfo tests in bulk, and I started testing (morning-afternoon-evening) beginning on day 9.  By day 13, I had a faint line, but it wasn’t until night time on day 15 that I finally got a positive LH surge. This means I should ovulate anytime in the next 12 to 48 hours, which would be day 16 or 17 of my cycle.

As many of you know, my lining check on day 12 was 5mm. I’m actually happy that I’m not ovulating until 4 or so days after the check because this means my lining had even more time to thicken itself. Maybe it even made it to the desired 8mm mark! Who knows. But I would like to think positively and say it did.

We originally bought these tests with the intentions of making sure my cycles were still regular.  I didn’t think we would even be allowing the thought of getting pregnant on our own the slightest consideration, but for some reason we are. I’m not really sure how it happened, but it did. I guess we figure that since we aren’t moving forward with another FET anytime soon, what the heck. It’s officially been over 2 years since my husband had his Varicocele surgery, & even though his count is still lower than normal, it is the highest it has ever been; almost 10 million more than when we began this journey. We know when I am ovulating now, my uterus is clear, & overall, I am pretty relaxed.

Regardless of the outcome of us TTC on our own over the next few months, it’s reassuring to know that it’s all in Gods hands. We believe miracles can happen, but this doesn’t mean one will right now. God’s timing might not be ours. We also find comfort knowing that no matter what happens, we still have our 3 frosties waiting patiently for us!