What Pregnancy After Loss is Like

A rollercoaster. Walking on eggshells, or perhaps even a tightrope. Being on pins & needles. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Get my drift? 

The past week has been intense to say the least. We started out week 5 on a great note, with very high betas, doubling as they should. After the second one, I started spotting brown. Within 3 days, that turned to pink and then red spotting. I got an ultrasound to reassure us that our worst fears werent coming true. And they werent- we saw exactly what we should have at this point in our pregnancy, a gestational sac, a yolk sac, & the start of a fetal pole. Beautiful! 

A day after that reassurance, not only was I spotting, but now I was bleeding heavily. And it was red. I passed 2 clots. I was sure it was over. I left work & headed to the RE for the 5th time in 10 days. They drew my beta and I went home & waited for what felt like an eternity (they did not want to do another ultra just 2 days from the first, especially since the bleeding had increased after). I was sure my beta had dropped from just a few days earlier. It felt like deja vu to say the least. I was pretty numb.

The phone rang & my nurse sounded chipper. My beta was 26,000 and some change. It had increased just as it should have. I was in utter disbelief at the good news. I thanked God. We didnt miscarry. We went to dinner & celebrated the news. 

The bleeding has now completely stopped. Im praying it stays that way. We are by no means out of the woods, and I dont think we have ever thought we were to begin with, even prior to the bleed. But we are extremely happy today & we are also pregnant today. Thats all we can ask for right?

Our goal now is to make it to our regularly scheduled ultra next week when Im 7 weeks. My RE said if I have another bad bleed before then, I can head in sooner. Ive been taking it super easy, thanks to all the wonderful people in my life. My co-workers have gone above & beyond to help me get through my days with my students-they walk them to lunch, take them to recess & resource, make me copies, etc. Im so incredibly grateful for them. My husband is a saint. He has been cooking breakfast & dinner everynight, running all our errands at night, & feeding, walking, & caring for our dogs. Anything to keep me off my feet. Im so blessed to have him. And my mom, she has kept up with our cleaning and listens to me vent…constantly. God bless her. 

Symptoms/Medications?

I have been nauseous on & off, with both aversions & cravings, and swollen boobs. No complaints, Ill take all the symptoms I can get! My progesterone has been increased from 1cc to 1.5cc, even though my level was still in normal range (30). We figure it cant hurt. Well, I take that back, it does hurt…it hurts my ass! We have run out of spots to inject and Ive had a few welts here and there. Ouch!

Heres to an uneventful week ahead…

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47 thoughts on “What Pregnancy After Loss is Like

  1. It must be scary. I’m glad that everything has been going well… So far. I hope that everything continues and you have a great appointment in 7 weeks! Wishing you lots of luck and sending you hugs! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I just read through your entire blog! I’m on day two of bedrest after transfer of two embryos. This is our sixth transfer and we too are praying for a rainbow baby! I just prayed for your baby and I pray that the Lord blesses you beyond measure! He is with you! May his grace and love fill you as you continue to walk with him!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Such an anxious time, I hope that bleeding stays away, because even though it happens to many women, it’s still so terrifying! Glad you’ve got some symptoms for reassurance! My fingers are crossed for you, hopefully the scary stuff is over now and it’s smooth sailing from here! X

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I totally hear you. It is not easy. As I said in my previous post, being pregnant after loss is terrifying.

    I’m glad everything is perfect right now for you. It’s all we can ask for each day. Praying for that continued progress and a fantastic 7 week scan!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It just doesn’t leave you – the fear – not matter how hard you try. I hope we can help lift you up when things get scary on that rollercoaster X thank you for explaining and sharing how you are feeling right now.

    I feel like you have a beautiful strong fighter in you right now and most of that is because you guys are amazingly strong. 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Wow! I would be feeling just as anxious as you. I’m so glad to hear that things seem to be okay though and am hoping that this is just a small blip in a happy road for you. We are very similar in terms of timing and I’m interested in your symptoms too. I’ve not had any major aversions, other than things I already don’t like (i.e. eggs). I have been quite hungry and crisps have never tasted so good in my life. Otherwise it’s just sore, larger boobs and tiredness. No nausea. I’m looking forward to my scan this week as I bet you are too! xx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh girl, I totally get it. Pregnancy after loss is a special form of torture, with a side of sheer delight in what could be. And it doesn’t go away, I’m afraid. I am so glad the bleeding has stopped and I am always things of you and sending positive thoughts and love. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

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