The Nightmare After Christmas, Side Effects, & Another Anniversary

I vividly dreamt that I miscarried again. In the past, I have only dreamt that our cycles have failed and no pregnancy was achieved.  These nightmares bothered me, but not nearly as much since I aready knew we could get pregnant via IVF.  

So long story short, this nightmare was awful. Anyone who has miscarried before knows what goes along with one, so I will spare you the details. I know its ‘just a dream’ and my subconscious ‘releasing my inner fears,’ but still…it was horrific.

I woke up sweating, pleading with God to spare me from the agony of another miscarriage in the future.  I know his plan is already made, whatever it may be, but I *desperately* pray this is not part of it.

On another note, the side effects from the Lupron injection so far are very minimal. Ive only felt nauseous at night, and its brief.  Basically, I just go to sleep when it starts. Im hoping it stays this way because I can deal with that.  I was a little nervous that the injection site itself would be an issue, but its not.  I put my heating pad on it immediately following the shot because it keep cramping up. That helped and it was gone by day 2.  

This time last year I was pregnant from FET 2. In fact, today was beta day. I already knew though, I had taken plenty of HPT’s to affirm. My first beta came back over 300.  We were thrilled. 

Im going to try and get out of the house today and keep myself a little busy.  Ive been doin okay, enjoying the holidays as much as possible.  I briefly cried on Christmas, and it was more like I couldnt help it than anything. I didnt have a lot of emotion with the tears, if that makes any sense!  It was just happening.  

I think today I will go look at some new flooring for our master bedroom with my mom (hubby is on call).  The carpet has been in since the house was built in 2003 and its officially outstayed its welcome.  We want to put in a nice laminate or hardwood.  Sorry if this post is all over the place…its similar to me and how I am feeling this early morning!