Soulmates-My Baby, Her Belly 

We meet tons of people throughout the span of our lives. Maybe you have heard the saying, “some people come into our lives and quickly go, others stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same.”  I believe we can categorize these people into groups based on our relationships with them.

  1. People we never say more than 2 or 3 words to such as “hi and “how are you” in passing just to be polite (a co-worker in a large firm, a fellow jogger or person waiting in line with you). 
  2. People we wish we would have never said more than 2 or 3 words to, unfortunately did, and now avoid them at all costs (acquaintances, ex-boyfriends, or friends turned bad). 
  3. People we interact with for professional, need based reasons (hairdressers, postmen, bankers, doctors, realtors, etc.) 
  4. People we deal with only on or at special occassions because we feel obligated to do so (fellow Christmas party goers and wedding party guests, great aunts and uncles we havent seen in 15 years, or any family member that we are distant from). 
  5. People we enjoy spending our time with and vice versa (good friends & family). 
  6. People who we cannot imagine not having in our lives for its entirety, who we would do anything for, and vice versa (soulmates). 

*Note-these are all totally subjective generalizations; yes there are surely exceptions and overlaps depending on who you ask.  

To most, a soulmate is looked at as 1 romantic, intimate life partner. I too, look at my husband as my 1 and only romantic soulmate.  But is it possible to have a soulmate that has nothing to do with romance? 

I would say so; I would say it all depends on your definition of a soulmate. To me, the defintion of a soulmate is what I described in category #6 above.  For this reason, I also consider my mom to be my soulmate. I could even go as far as saying I consider my furbabies to be too.  The past few weeks, I was really reminded that I am blessed to have friends in my life that are my soulmates as well. 

  

A few weeks back, after our FET was cancelled and we got the bad MRI report, I was feeling pretty down. Literally, I was in bed crying, thinking about how weak I am, and how I wanted to give up, when my husband brought in an unexpected card from a cat 6 friend and handed it to me. It was exactly what I needed at exactly that moment.  

  

A few days later, I sat and cried again, staring at the computer screen. I had just researched the cost of an average carrier in the U.S….$50,000, with the most expensive part being hiring someone you do not know to carry. We knew there was no way this could ever be afforded.  Ever.  And we were so frustrated that neither one of us have a sister to even consider asking for help.  Neither one of us would ever as a friend, its just too much to expect of someone in our opinions.  But having someone you know as the carrier significantly reduces the cost. 

Next thing I know, my husband hands me more unexpected deliveries from another friend from category 6.  Again, the timing was nothing short of a miracle from above.  

These cards were numbered in the order to be opened

If you have been following our infertility, IVF, and RPL battle you know that eventually we *may* be faced with pursuing our family through a gestational carrier.  I said in my post yesterday that I had some uplifting, positive fertility news to tell. I am not going to go into detail about it, but I will share this much-one of my cat 6 friends, who has been following our story all along, who is one of my soulmates, has extended the offer of carrying our child for us should it come to it in the future.  She said it would be an honor to do so.  

There are really no words that can describe this incredible, selfless offer or the magnitude of our wonderful friendship. 

For those of you who are struggling, who think everything seems impossible, and who are feeling that there is no hope left-my husband and I get it. We really do. In fact, just a day before this offer we said we might as well give up on our dream of our family. But I want to remind you that there is always hope my friends.  Just when you are at your weakest and about to give up, God will remind you there is hope. 

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32 thoughts on “Soulmates-My Baby, Her Belly 

  1. That is literally the most incredible thing…. I’ve had two family members offer to donate eggs for me if I needed them, which is also beautiful and mind blowing. But to offer to carry for you shows a very deep friendship, love and respect for you. You must feel so blessed xo

    Liked by 3 people

    • That is so amazing Emma. I am so happy you have people in your life who care so deeply too. And I totally am on the samd page with you about the depth of our friendship 😊
      On another note, do u blog? I tried to find yours, but cant seem to!

      Like

      • Hi. No I actually don’t. I just read lots of people’s blogs. I also talk about my story in a community on Baby Centre. I’m pregnant at the moment, from my 8th IVF transfer, only 7.5 weeks and very nervous. Hoping it’s a sticky Bub and I don’t need my donors, but feel so glad to know I have them 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. What a wonderful post. Friends are amazing. You are so right to say that “when you are your weakest, god will remind us there is hope.” I had this happen the other day for me too. It gave me goosebumps to read your words and relate.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Reading this post made me cry. I know it doesn’t always feel like it, but you are so blessed. This is always how I imagined things would go for us if we needed it. Surrogacy, although a last resort, was something that stayed in the back of my mind. I believed that if we ever reached that position, I would have someone who would be willing to offer because I know that it is something I would love to do for someone else if I was able. I thought it was just something people did for those they loved.

    Sisters don’t always mean that you will have someone who is willing or able. I know because I have three of them. The one who made the most sense to do this for us initially said yes and then changed her mind. She wants all her children to be close in age and didn’t want to take the time out to carry for us. That is her prerogative as the one with a working uterus, but it still hurt like hell to hear. In desperation, and not being able to afford surrogacy any other way, we also asked two more people, another relative and a friend. Both said no. It took us 7 months to go through all three no’s, and then I was done. We got to that awful point of giving up.

    A few months after that we had a family member come forward and offer to help cover the cost of surrogacy with a stranger for us. It wasn’t something I wanted to do at all; I wanted to know the person who would carry our child, but we were out of options. My health issues meant that no adoption agency would approve us and no birth parent would choose us. So we did it, and I realized that I am also very blessed. It wasn’t the way I thought it would happen, but it was an open window when all the doors were closed.

    It hasn’t been an easy journey, but I have never looked back. And it turns out that our gestational carrier is amazing. She is like a sister to me, and so, in a way, I have been blessed with a sister willing to carry for us. Funny how that works. 🙂

    Whatever you decide or do, I hope you are close to knowing the joy of holding your child in your arms. xx

    “Little souls find their way to you, whether they’re from your womb or someone else’s.” – Sheryl Crow

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for reminding me how blessed we are! And I agree that you are very blessed too. That is so amazing that someone in your family offered to help financially, especially after what u went through with your sister. Im so sorry for that. Hearing yes, then no is devastating I am sure. A carrier is not something I ever envisioned either, but if we get to that point I will be okay with it too. I love the quote, thanks so much for sharing 💗

      Liked by 1 person

  4. What wonderful gift for your friend to offer. Where would we be without those types of friends in our lives? I’m glad you have friends that are able to provide a little light during a dark time!

    Liked by 1 person

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