Last week, I posted how much I believe in dreams. Yesterday, I posted how indecisive and worried I am about making the decision about which clinic we will move forward at. I also discussed how I am praying God will make it clear to us which path to take.
Last night I had another dream. Or maybe I should say a nightmare. It was about our current clinic. They had scheduled another Hysteroscopy to perform on me before we did another FET. It was a total disaster. It took 2 months for them to get me in for it, which I was clearly not happy with. The day the H/S was originally scheduled for, they put me under anesthesia and I awoke only to hearing them say they couldn’t do the procedure because they didn’t have the necessary tools at hand. So, my mom drove me back the next day for them to try to do it again.
When we arrived the next day, we were informed that our RE was MIA. So, we sat and waited for hours. Finally, our familiar nurse called us back. As I usually do before any procedure, I asked her to make sure I was out of it and wouldn’t feel anything during it. She proceeded to tell me that I could not receive any anesthesia because I had some the day before when they were not able to perform the H/S. I started to throw a fit, demanding it. She asked me to leave and told me that they would call me later in the day after she talked with our RE.
We left. My mom and I drove around for hours (since we do not live in the area, we couldn’t go home). I kept calling the clinic and no one would pick up. Finally, my mom drive back so we could confront them. She was not happy about all of this either. When I walked in, I saw another familiar staff member. I started angrily telling her that it took us 2 months to get in for this, now I have missed 2 days of work, you tell me I can’t have anesthesia and to leave, and I still haven’t seen my RE! After this rant, she asked me who I was. Like she didn’t know! SMH. I started shouted as I was crying, “You know who I am! Do you not remember what we have been through?!” She tried to cut me off and I interjected, “No! You will listen to me! We have had 3 IVF losses here at this clinic! Do you want us to take our embryos someplace else?!” No reply.
This nurse called for the other nurse at this point, as I was extremely irate. She said they would give me the anesthesia, but that my usual RE would not be the one to do the procedure. Some creepy guy came in and started speaking another language to me. I couldn’t understand a word he said. Supposedly, he was the RE in place of my usual one. He quickly inserted a needle into my arm and I started to zone out. I knew I was going under, and I told him, “that’s enough..no more!” I felt like I was going to die from too much. Then I was out.
The procedure was horrific. I will spare the details, but the end result was my uterus being damaged beyond repair. When I awoke, I found myself walking through a dark alley with my current RE. She questioned me, “what happened? Are you okay?” We nicely conversated back and forth and she told me that she didn’t think I was ready to move forward with another transfer. And then, I woke up.
Could this be a sign that I asked for? My husband seems to think so. Or am I totally over analyzing things? I need some feedback friends.