I am a firm believer that our dreams hold meaning in our lives. In fact, I have had several dreams that I have watched come true in my own life.
A few nights ago, I had one of those vivid, oh-so-very-real dreams. The kind you wake up from and have to pinch yourself to make sure it wasn’t real. This dream involved one of my best friends and I. I should preface this by saying that she is currently pregnant, with a due date within weeks of what Isaiah and his twin’s would have been.
Before I detail the dream, let me give some background on it all.
When my friend and I found out we were pregnant together back in December, we were ecstatic. We had actually been pregnant together just months before, but unfortunately both of us lost those pregnancies. So when we both got pregnant again, we were sure this time we would both make it all the way.
We conversated daily, praying that our worst fears wouldn’t come true again, but that our hopes and dreams for our future babies would instead. Things were going really great for both of us, we were making all the milestones together-doubling beta’s, heartbeats on ultrasounds, morning sickness reassuring us we were in fact pregnant.
But right around the week she made it out of her first trimester, something awful happened with our pregnancy-we lost it.
It was one of those moments in life they like to call a defining moment. At that moment, I knew everything was about to change. Not just between my husband & I, our families, our future, but also between my best friend & I. She made it, and I didn’t. Again. This may not make sense to someone who has not been in this particular situation. Let me put it to you this way-you feel as though your guts have been ripped out from inside of you and stomped on, only to have to pick them up and put them back inside.
There was nothing I could ever do to change the fact that our children would no longer be just weeks apart. Nothing. There was no longer anything I could share with her everyday about my pregnancy. There was no longer anyway I could be involved in her pregnancy. A defining moment, where everything changed.
And so, I removed myself from it all. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to.
That brings us back to the dream. I dreamt that she was having her baby sprinkle, and I was there. There were presents and people galore, but I couldn’t tell you who the people were or what the presents were. The dream centered solely around the two of us.
We were walking around together in awe of how beautiful everything looked. Then she took me into a separate room, just the two of us. The only thing in the room was a couch, which we quickly sat down on. After we sat, a slide show started being projected on the wall. This wasn’t just any slide show. My friend told me, “I have some special things for you.” The slide show began and it was a variety of images of navy blue whales, the ones I dreamed of decorating our baby boys room in. We sat and giggled and watched them swim around on the screen.
Next, she pulled out a bundle of cards that were all tied together. I started to read through the cards, bawling my eyes out. She was too. I can’t remember anything the cards said, only that each one was to honor baby, Isaiah and his twin. We hugged and cried, her big belly all I could feel. I took my head and rested it on her stomach, waiting for her baby to kick. She smiled, and so did I. It was a defining moment.
I woke up feeling like a bond had just been reestablished. I felt almost like a different person. I texted her that morning and told her all about my dream. I told her how happy I am for her that she is going to deliver her baby next week, and that I love her, and am here for her. Of course, she understood fully. After all, she is my dear friend, who I went to high school & college with, who stood beside me on my wedding day as my maid of honor, and I on hers, who has been there through it all.
I am positive this dream had deep meaning to it. To me, it represented acceptance. Acceptance of what was, and is no longer. Acceptance of what still is and will be.