I’m My Own Worst Enemy-Part 1

I haven’t been to a psychologist since February of this year, which probably isn’t the best thing considering we have lost 5 babies and our dog since 2014.

I have been to a few psychologists in my lifetime though.  When I was younger, I went after my parents divorced.  I also went during my rebellious teenage years.  I usually didn’t have a say in the matter; in other words, my parents thought it was the best thing for me and so I had to go.  I don’t think I really got too much out of it then.  When I reached the age of independence, around 21 or so, I decided to go back to counseling on my own accord.  I did find this time round of treatment helpful.  Perhaps it’s because I actually desired to go.  The same goes for the brief sessions I attended earlier this year.

Since I am off work and have quite a bit of free time now, I decided it was time for me to get back into counseling.  I found a new psychologist who specializes in Women’s Health, specifically infertility, pregnancy loss, etc.  This might not seem like a big deal, but trust me, it is.  And finding someone who specializes in this area is not easy at all, so when I was referred to her I was rather pleased (even though my insurance will not cover it).

Yesterday was my first session with Dr. G.  When I arrived at my appointment in the ritzier part of town, I entered the waiting room and filled out some paperwork. Some of the questions went like this:

  • Any children?
  • Any pregnancies?
  • Ever had counseling before?
  • Why are you here?
  • What do you hope to gain from therapy?
  • Anything else you think I should know about you?

The session began as one usually would-reviewing history, listening to me ramble as I try to explain my life, taking notes, asking general questions, etc.  I have found that since the majority of counseling sessions are only 1 hr it is difficult to get a lot accomplished in that 1st visit.  It’s more like a getting to know one another time, and deciding if you want to return for a second visit or not.  I did decide that I will return for a second visit with Dr. G.  Here’s why.

In the short time I was with her, she informed me of some very important things and I could tell she knew her stuff.  Here are some main points covered:

  1. Studies have shown that those diagnosed with infertility face similar levels of stress as those diagnosed with cancer.  Both are chronic illnesses with unknown outcomes (of course one is deadly and one is not). 
  2. Many people think if they had the money they would continue infertility treatments.  Not true.  Some countries outside of the US pay for 3 rounds of IVF treatment for couples.  However, some couples never complete the 3 rounds simply because of the stress that goes with it.  Think about that one for a minute.
  3. Depression is anger turned inwards.  She did not feel comfortable saying whether or not I am depressed after just meeting me, but she said based on my story it could be very possible.
  4. People with Type-A personality (ME) have the worst time dealing with infertility.  These people have lived their whole lives thinking effort=outcome.  Not the case with infertility.  No matter how hard you work at it, you don’t have control over the outcome.
  5. Infertility itself is one of the hardest things to battle, throw in recurrent pregnancy loss on top of it and you are dealing with a whole new ball game.
  6. Dr. G went through all of the different types of “copers” and asked me to pick out which one sounded most like what I do to cope with my feelings.  Choices were 1.) The denier 2.) The distractor 3.) The problem solver 4.) The socializer 5.) The emotional coper.  I actually had a trait from every category except the denier.  Definitely not me.  But, I had the most characteristics of an emotional coper.  Moving forward, she wants to give me strategies on how to be a positive emotional coper.
  7. I am my own worst enemy.  I was explaining to her how I haven’t been very involved in any of my friends current pregnancies, and I said to her, “What’s wrong with me? Why do I act this way? It’s terrible.”  She stopped me right in my tracks and said, “Did you just hear yourself? Did you hear how you are talking to yourself? Would you talk like that to someone else?”  She made me think.  Of course I wouldn’t ask someone else what is wrong with them for feeling a certain way.  She told me I am allowed to feel and act the way I am right now.  I do not need to beat myself up for how I feel.  We will continue to dive further into this at our next session.

I hope to continue posting our main points each week, as it is a method for me to track what I am learning as I go through treatment.

Advertisements

29 thoughts on “I’m My Own Worst Enemy-Part 1

  1. This sounds like a really positive session, I’m so pleased that it went well for you. I’m seeing a counsellor myself and finding it really beneficial. I hope that you continue to have good sessions and will be sure to keep up with how it’s going for you xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Gosh, sounds like you got more out of one session than I did with 24! It’s so great when you find someone who gets what’s going on, it’s easier to work through it, I think. Well done and good luck, I look forward to reading future posts xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That’s so wonderful you not only found a psychologist you actually like, but one who specializes in women’s health. I always feel like my experience with my current psych (who I see for IF issues) looks at me as her token IF patient and can only try to relate. I hope this helps you understand and copy with your journey. Having an impartial, trained ear who isn’t there to give us run of the mill advice is just what we IF sisters need. Wishing you the best 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks hun! I totally agree…that run of the mill advice is not what I need or want right now at all. I feel so blessed to have found her even though she costs a pretty penny. I wish you all the best as you continue with your psychologist too!

      Like

  4. Sounds like a great, positive session! I was lucky to find 2 therapists who specialize in infertility in my small town. The first one I saw was still in graduate school, and while she was good, I liked the one I have now. She herself is infertile, which helps a great deal. I hope you have success with her!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It sounds like you had a great experience! After speaking to my friend, she recommended that it may help to talk to someone. Your experience makes me think again about it. I’m so glad you found someone so helpful. This IVF road is draining emotionally, physically, and mentally. Thank you for sharing your feedback from the session. It really helped me 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so glad to hear that you are considering going again and that some of the information shared was useful to you! Like I said in my post, I wasn’t all about it several times in the past so I totally get why people go back & forth with the idea of it. But you are right, IVF is sooooo terribly overwhelming… I think that talking to an outsider can really make a difference and give us some insight!

      Like

  6. She sounds like she knows her stuff. Thanks for sharing those points. Sometimes I feel like a drama queen, I want to be easy going and enjoy life but I have a cycle coming up, or just finished a miscarriage, etc on and on and I just start to feel like life is coping between bouts of misery. Of course I don’t let myself stay there too long yeah – rpl is crazy making. The fact about people opting out on free cycles hit me so hard in the gut…. Talk about stress.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think she does too. I totally understand what you mean about the drama queen part, because I am the same way sometimes. Honestly, with RPL and IF I think it’s quite hard not to be! I am hopeful that she will help me through some of this madness.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow the woman talks sense! I need to find a counsellor like her as I can so relate to all of your points. The NHS counsellor I saw two pregnancies ago was rubbish and I’ve had a mid term loss since then. I too haven’t been involved in any friends’ pregnancies as, after 5 of my own losses, it’s just too hard. In the name of self preservation, I think it’s acceptable to steer clear so please don’t beat yourself up over that. It’s more than ok to look after your emotions. A great honest post and I feel happy for you it went well. Long may that continue 😍.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Im so sorry to hear about your losses. It is such a horrible thing to go through. It sucks that counselor wasn’t very helpful. I hope you can find one that is more understanding! Thanks for understanding where I am coming from with friends being pregnant…another really tough thing to deal with in our shoes!

      Like

  8. I am so glad you’ve found someone to talk to! And someone who actually understands RPL and Infertility, that’s rare and awesome for you! I really like how she referenced how hard infertility is + RPL. And that she talked about the types of coping and that you don’t fall into the denial group – honestly, I’m not sure how you can deny RPL so I’m glad you aren’t there! And the negative self talk, yup, I totally hear you on this one! Heck, just at a few of my post this week and you can see how my choice of language has just exacerbated my problems with our TMFR (see, I’m trying to change my language).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! I am so pleased to have found someone who has specific expertise in RPL and IF too! I know you can (unfortunately) relate to so much of this beating yourself up stuff. It seems easy to do at times considering what we have gone through, but really that’s no excuse to do it. She did briefly mention “choice of language” and that we will explore it more this upcoming week. I hope she has some innovative ideas because I need plenty of help in the verbal department!

      Like

    • You are so welcome! Yea, point #7 really made me stop and ponder how I have been treating myself lately. If someone treated me that way, I would begin to dislike them. She pointed out how treating myself like this causes me to start disliking myself. Totally makes sense but I never even considered it before!

      Like

  9. This is so interesting. We don’t tend to do this sort of thing in the UK. Clinics offer it for fertility treatment but it isn’t pushed- I have never had any sort of counselling which I’m thinking is probably a massive oversight. Points 2 & 4 stuck out for me, I’m going to be thinking about this today. Thank you for sharing. I hope the sessions go well & help you deal with everything you have been through & give you good coping strategies for the future.

    Liked by 1 person

    • No problem, anytime. Sharing is caring! Im glad I (or the counselor I should say) gave u something to think about. Its never too late if you want to go to one. I really hope it gives me just what u said too. As always, thanks for the continued support 😀

      Like

    • Im glad u brought this up… When I called my insurance to see if this Dr was covered they said no. Then they offered to give me the names of some who are covered and I said no thanks! Having a specialist is what I need right now, I dont want to waste my time. I hope u find someone too (if you are still looking)

      Like

  10. She sound awesome! !!! She is right tho you shouldn’t talk to yourself that way! And please don’t beat yourself up, I felt like you were very much involved in my pregnancy and there for me with prayers and support. You always checked in on me to see how things were going and I appreciate everything! This lady sounds great tho and really did seem to know alot.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s