A child free life. A life free of children.
We know some people who have chosen this path; but we know more who haven’t.
Some chose it because of their infertility struggles, some chose it just because.
Both sides appear to have a satisfying life for the most part, yet both also seem to have their fair share of problems as all couples do.
Since our 3 IVF losses, my husband and I have been discussing the pros and cons to a child free life.
I think it is important to note that we don’t desire to have a child free life lifestyle. However, due to our circumstances, we realize this could eventually be the case, just from a financial standpoint alone.
Pros to Living a Child-Free Life
- More time (& money!) for just the two of us to spend together (no juggling act between hubby/wife time & kid time)
- We can pick up & go places that we want very easily now (This could be a vacation, the store, or even out to dinner without having to worry about going to a child centered destination, packing diaper bags full of stuff, or dealing with possible toddler meltdowns)
- We do not have to worry about our offspring for the rest of our lives in this insane world we live in (this is a HUGE umbrella for which their sickness, safety, behavior, intelligence, education, finances, relationships, & many more all fall under).
- More dogs to adopt!!!LOL
Cons to Living a Child-Free Life
- Not experiencing the full love of motherhood or fatherhood (we already know what it is like to love our children, but never got the entire experience)
- No “big” family feel, something both my husband & I always wanted to have
- No one to make you laugh at ridiculous things you normally wouldn’t laugh at (for real!)
- No grandchildren
- No one to watch grow up and to help grow up
- No one to be a role model for (I’m talking about everyday at home)
- Not having them to grow old with us
- We will always wonder what it would have been like to have them
I am sure there is PLENTY more that can go on each list. I am curious what my fellow TTC bloggers have thought about this “child free lifestyle.” Is it even something you have considered or would consider? Why or why not? To be honest, we never considered it at the start of our journey. And again, it’s not what our hearts want at all, but we have to at least prepare for the possibility.
Surviving INfertility 
We have talked about the possibility. We consider ourselves lucky because “just us” is amazing and we are truly happy and know we could continue to make each other happy for the rest of our lives. On the pro side We love to travel particularly to Asia and specifically Cambodia so continuing our annual trips is a pro. We will continue to travel when (see the optimism!) we have kids but we won’t be able to afford it as often. There is a long list of cons a big one for me apart from the obvious is always being different never really being able to share those conversations re kids or grandkids and one day one of us being completely on their own.
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You make some great points! I think we will continue to travel places as well when/if we have children, but not as often like you said. My cons seemed to outweigh the pros too, so I am keeping my fingers crossed for both of us that we get what we really want here!
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I am hoping so too x
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For me it’s the unknown and wondering.
I do love my life with my husband and I count ourselves lucky to have each other, a very comfortable home and I lifestyle that sometimes my parent friends are jealous of. But if I cannot have children I feel that the choice to follow my dream does not even give me the option to consider giving up some of these perceived luxuries for a household of chaos, tantrums, mess and most of all FAMILY LOVE xx
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I feel the same way…I love my hubby, but sometimes envy what others have that we don’t family wise. I think it is awesome that you know you cant give up on your dream!
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I remember writing this exact same type of list! Honestly though, I’ve really come to realize that as much as we think having children will result in things like grandchildren or someone to grow old with, we truly have no idea. Sadly our children may end up not being able to have children, or they may choose to live in a different part of the world that makes frequent visits impossible.
Just like we have no idea if don’t have children if we will always wonder what could have been if we had children, or if the vacations will happen like we thought they would. Who knows maybe our health will fail and we wont travel nearly as much as we expected. And that wonder, I think we’ll have that no matter what happens in our lives related to anything not just children.
My point is simple, we have no way to predict the future, just like you and I had no way to predict the amount of losses we’d go through. On my good days, I can remember this and realize that no amount of planning will change the course of some things in our lives. On my bad days, it drives me insane.
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This is so true—we really have no clue what the future will hold no matter if we have kids or not!
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An interesting post. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel at peace with life without children. It hurts even to think about it! I’m trying to come to terms with my situation on my new blog http://implacablyinfertile.blogspot.com.au if you would like to check it out!
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Im not sure if I would ever feel at peace without them either! And it is painful to think this could be an option. Infertility sucks! Best of luck to you & I will check it out.
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I have often thought about this, and there are actually many times that I think I could live a child free life just fine. J, however, wouldn’t do as well with it. He wants to have someone to pass his knowledge down to and to be able to mentor and teach a child 24/7. And I love him for that. Don’t get me wrong, I want a baby/child so badly, but as I close in closer to 40, deal with fibromyalgia and watch many classmates children going into hs or graduating already, sometimes I wonder if it’s just getting a little too late to just be starting parenting. In the end, everyone needs to do what feels the best for them and their partner.
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I can definitely see where both of you are coming from. I think about all of the things you mentioned…I do want a child to teach and help grow, as a teacher it is my passion! But then I think about how “far behind” I am, how my body seems to be failing me in so many ways, etc. Ultimately, like you said, it boils down to whats best for both!
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I always said I wanted to be child free, for some of the very reasons you listed. Then I turned 30 and decided I had to try, for at least one child. Now two years later I’ve had two losses and am unsuccessful getting pregnant again. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and tell myself – don’t do it, Save yourself the heartache and grief! But I know that if we stop trying now I will always wonder “What if”… I think I could live a child free life if I had to, but right now I don’t want to, so try try again.
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I think the same thing about going back in time sometimes!! So tough.
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