In a Nut Shell

Some words to describe how I feel about where we are currently at in our journey. Let’s start out with the negative, and end on a good note with the positive. 

Negative:  Impatient.  Annoyed.  Frustrated.  Bitter.  Angry. Doubtful.  Sad. 

  1. Impatient because we have been trying to expand our family for many, many years now and still haven’t.
  2. Annoyed because we have spent thousands of dollars on IVF, only for me to miscarry every single time.
  3. Frustrated because no one can confidently explain what is causing this to happen.
  4. Bitter because on the surface, conceiving and carrying to term seems easier for others.
  5. Angry because we have dedicated so much of our time & effort to this process;  I have even put my career on hold.
  6. Doubtful I am even supposed to be a mom anymore.
  7. Sad for what has been lost. 

Positive:  Helpful.  Empathetic.  Loved.  Blessed.  Changed.  Hopeful. 

  1. Helpful because our story is showing others in similar situations that they are not alone. 
  2. Empathetic towards people experiencing struggles, as we know how easy it is to look okay on the outside, but be hurting badly on the inside. 
  3. Loved by everyone surrounding us. Family, friends, & even acquaintances have shown us true compassion. 
  4. Blessed to have known our babies for the short time that we did. 
  5. Changed; no doubt our angels have changed us for the better. 
  6. Hopeful for what the future holds. 

  


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12 thoughts on “In a Nut Shell

  1. I can relate to every point the negative list–particularly the bitterness. I’ve been thinking long and hard about how I can be happy for others, and even take a more active role in the lives of my godchildren and nieces and nephews. I know I’m missing out on their lives because I’ve distanced myself. I love your positive list, and I can tell you you’ve helped us. You’ve remained strong in your faith and positivity despite your struggles, and that is truly inspiring. Hugs my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I completely understand what you mean too-I have pulled myself away from all the babies who should be close to me 😦 I am trying to work on this, but it is so hard. Thank you so much for letting me know that I have been helpful to you! It means so much.

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  2. We are starting a frozen transfer round, and I appreciate your push toward finding some positive since I’m really needing to do that right now after miscarrying from an IVF round in January. I hope for continued compassion for the negative side and hope for the positive side for you (and for myself).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Im very sorry to hear about your loss. I know how exciting it is to get that BFP after going through IVF …only to be taken away is just devastating. Im glad u are trying to stay positive for your upcoming FET!

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  3. Found you through the round-up and stuck around to read more of your story. My heart aches for your 3 losses and all you have gone through and continue to go through. Your blog is beautifully written and tells as story not only of loss but of two people growing in understanding and conviction. I hope very much there is a “rainbow baby” in your near future.

    Liked by 1 person

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