Enough Said

OK, so I get that while many of the people closest to us choose to read our blog, many people who know us do not choose to. This is absolutely fine with us. In no way do we expect anyone to read it! 

When we created this blog, we did it publicly through our Facebook and other forms of social media. We wanted all of our friends and family members to finally know what we had been secretly battling for many years. This was part of the healing process for us. And thankfully, we received such overwhelming support. Seriously, I cannot say that enough.  You all have been 100% supportive. 

Through our blog, we have touched on how we feel about numerous topics such as male factor, pregnancy loss, adoption, surrogacy, IVF, etc.  Unfortunately, those who do not read our blog are unaware of these details; and if I had to guess, I would say they most likely are only aware that we have done IVF, and maybe that we have miscarried.  However, they have a choice not to read our story and again, we respect that.  

Here’s the dilemma we are having…we want these people to respect the fact that we would rather not discuss our infertility with them if they don’t read it (too bad those who I want to hear this message aren’t reading it anyways). And here’s why we don’t want to… We really do not want to be asked the same question we just poured our heart out about 5 minutes ago.

This is not in any way, shape, or form the same as someone who follows our story asking how we are feeling or similar…we love this kind of thoughtfulness. Instead we are referring to someone who doesn’t follow at all, by choice, who asks the same questions over and over that we have already answered. I like to call this pretending to care.  It took us a very long time to get to the point of opening up and sharing our story publicly. Why should we have to verbally rehash things numerous times?

In addition, we would rather not discuss our story with the person who makes “jokes” about our infertility, thinking it may lighten up the situation.  If they understood what we have been through, and took the time to really get it, they would see there is nothing funny about it. At all. Why am I on this rant? Here are a few (NOT funny) comments made by people who do not fully follow our story, yet choose to bring it up:

  1. “My husband can donate his sperm if yours is shooting blanks,”  (ummmm…really??!! My husbands sperm has got me pregnant numerous times you idiot!)
  2. “I understand how hard it is for you because we tried to conceive for several months before we finally did.”  While I am very sorry you had to go through this, I would be thrilled to conceive on our own in several months. THRILLED.  Please don’t compare.
  3. “I will happily give you my uterus!”  This is not funny. At all. It’s actually disturbing, joking or not. Thanks, but no thanks-I do not want your uterus that you feel can so easily be disposed of.
  4. “I think it is going to happen naturally for you.” Can you do math? It hasn’t magically happened in the past 7 years, or 84 months.
  5. “Do you have a friend that will give you their uterus?” Again, I am not on a uterus scavenger hunt.  I’d really love to use my own uterus to carry a pregnancy, as the female body is designed to do.
  6. “There is a baby out there just waiting for you to adopt them.” Maybe. But maybe there is one waiting for you to adopt them, too! Are adoptions limited to only infertile couples nowadays?!? There are thousands of babies waiting for someone to adopt them. If you are so keen on it, I think you should pursue it yourself.

Rant over.  Enough said!

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10 thoughts on “Enough Said

  1. Part of me thinks people make these comments because they are trying to deal with a hard situation with humor. They are trying to lighten the mood because they find it awkward. I don’t know if that’s actually the case, but I always just hope that people aren’t truly that insensitive.
    Anyways, I’m thrilled you are receiving support from so many people and I hope you are able to help educate the less then supportive ones and not feel too hurt by the insensitive comments.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am very sorry that these comments are being made. Your blog has opened my eyes to struggles that I did not know about. My sister and brother in law experienced infertility, but not to this extent- so this is a learning experience for me. I appreciate your families openness and am sorry that the public is not being respectful. Keep your head up and that always positive smile you walk around with…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Seriously when I hear people talking about adoption when someone infertile is trying to get pregnant I just…sorry I want to smack the in the face. And it gets even worse when I hear that infertile couples are doing IVF and surrogacy adding to the overpopulation of the world… seriously the dumbest argument I have ever heard on overpopulation. What do those people mean? Because from my perspective they are literally saying that only the INFERTILE couples should pay the price for overpopulating the world and only they should pay the price for the fact there are orphans on this planet. If they worry so much about kids without parents and overpopulation why won’t they start from themselves and adopt? …ugh. Sorry I get emotional over these subjects. I again enjoyed reading your blog! again best wishes from http://www.eggdonationfriends.com

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Oh my god. I cannot believe that these things come out of people’s mouths!! Especially number 1. What the hell!!??
    But… I think myperfectbreakdown is right – my experience is that it really makes people feel uncomfortable. It’s only understanding through first hand (or even second hand, if you’ve got a close friend or family member who’s been through it) that gives you the empathy and insight to not make such stupid comments.
    I try and remember this so I don’t lose my rag with people!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, looking for the best in these people who say these stupid things is all we can do. Surprisingly, I have been able to keep my cool & not flip when these comments were made. I can only credit that to this blog! It helps so much to get it all out on here.

      Like

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