Waiting Game

Getting the balloon out of my uterus on Tuesday may have been one of the most physically relieving moments I can ever remember.  The removal was painless, along with the quick ultrasound making sure all looked as it should after the evil balloon went bye-bye.  

Thankfully, I only have 3 days left of my antibiotic remaining, I no longer need any pain pills, I am back to work, and happy to report that the bleeding has almost completely subsided.  I really do feel like a new woman!

We can finally say that I have done both the diagnostic hysteroscopy and the operative hysteroscopy.  Another check off the list.  To recap, after our 3rd pregnancy loss, the diagnostic hysteroscopy discovered the uterine mass, and the operative hysteroscopy removed it. The plan is now to go back in and perform another diagnostic hysteroscopy after my next period (still on the pill!) later this month. The purpose of this will be to make sure the mass was truly removed and has stayed gone.

Even though we know the surgery itself went well, we are still awaiting the pathology results of the actual mass. Speaking of waiting, it seems like we will be doing a lot more of it now. Like we haven’t done enough already.  At my post-op my RE told me she wants my uterus to have “time to heal.”  I know what many of you are thinking…this is a good thing! She should want to take time for it to heal! I get it.  Most RE’s tend to push the next cycle on the patient like what are you waiting for? Let’s do this! I’ll take your money! Not the case.  The patting on my shoulder as she quietly spoke meant 1 thing…she doesn’t want to do another FET for a while.

I came right out and asked her,  “How long?” Not an easy answer.  After the upcoming diagnostic hysteroscopy later this month, if all goes as planned, I will go off the pill.  I will then go in for a lining check in June, and at least July.  Maybe August. This will give us an idea of how my uterus is healing after all of the trauma it has endured the past year or so.  After that, we can decide on the next plan of action.  I know I will need another diagnostic hysteroscopy around August (about 3 months post surgery) to make sure the mass stayed gone. If it hasn’t, I don’t know what we will do, because I don’t think I can (or should I say I wont) undergo another operation like I just did. 

You might be wondering why the mass would be likely to come back. My diagnosis of Adenomyosis can never fully be cured unless I got a hysterectomy. Having Adenomyosis means I can be prone to adenomyomas, or masses.  However, many patients with Adenomyosis do not have adenomyomas.  

If I am mass free, and my uterus is healing okay, I still really don’t want anything to do with another August transfer anyways. We did an August FET last year, and miscarried for the 2nd time.  I do not want to relive all of the same dates again with a new transfer.  It still hurts too much.

And September will be 9 months from our last transfer, when baby Isaiah, & his brother or sister would have arrived.  So, for that reason, I am not sure how I feel about a September transfer either.  Shane seems to think we could take either of those dates that hurt so much and turn them into positives. I am not there yet with my thinking.

Now that some of the dust is starting to settle, I guess the harsh reality is starting to sink in.  That reality is just how much time will have passed before we can even consider becoming pregnant again. And the truth is more sacred dates will continue to silently come & go.  

Hopefully, we pray, we will be able to bring home our baby sometime in mid 2016.  But of course even as much as we try to stay positive, doubt creeps in, & we cant help but wonder if it will ever really be our time.