It was a Boy

Laying in bed last night, out of nowhere something told me to get up & go look at the chromosomal report from our last d & c, our 3rd miscarriage. 

I have looked at this report many times. I picked up the report, and right there on the front page, clear as day, it read: NORMAL male genotype. 46XY.

 

How was it possible we have never noticed this? Did God shield us from it until now? Was it just too much to take at the time? 

I dont know. But I do know my heart still broke when I read it. Tears gushed as Shane held me.  Im not going to even sugarcoat it, this hurts. Suddenly, all of the boy names we had picked out came rushing back into my mind. Images of his face. And his laugh and so much more. 

No, it wouldnt have been easier if we just found out it was a girl. Yes, we know it had to be one of the two genders. No, I dont know if both babies were boys, or if the DNA was only for one of the twins since the other vanished a week prior to the miscarriage.  

None of that matters. What matters is we know have full clarification that we should be having a son. The son Shane secretly hoped for.  I wish I could have our baby boy back for just one minute. Just to see him and hold him once.  I know he is in heaven with our other babies, but that doesnt change what we feel right now.  I feel so very angry. 

The day before we stumbled across these results, Shane & I had this conversation below…

 

I hope he is right. Prayers are welcomed.