Well, I survived the hysteroscopy. It wasn’t that bad at all physically. For me, the emotional aspect of it was harder than the physical. Going back into the same room we had all 3 of our transfers done at was tough. I took 3 Valiums before the procedure, and was still shedding tears when the nurse came into the room to prep my IV. Thankfully, Shane was there with me. The doctor came in & they reassured me I wouldn’t feel anything, and I didn’t. She also told me I wouldn’t remember much of what she would be telling us after the procedure, and she was right on that too.
The good news is that there is no: 1.) scar tissue, 2.) polyps, or 3.) fibroids.
The not so good news, or maybe it is good news, who knows at this point, is that she found a 2 cm mass in the uterus, which she believes to be an adenomyoma. A what? Yea, exactly. Here’s what I know so far on adenomyosis:
Obviously, this mass or adenomyoma, did not show up on my SIS back in November, before our December transfer. These results leave us with many unanswered questions. When did it form? What is it caused from? Will it come back (so far my research on adenomysosis shows it will; it’s a chronic disease)? How long until it comes back? What are the risks? Do I have to have it removed? Did it cause the miscarriage(s)? What exactly is this “mass” if it’s not a polyp or a fibroid??? And last but not least, what the f*** is wrong with me???!!
After the procedure yesterday, the doctor informed Shane that once the mass (she referred to it as a “boulder” in my uterus) is removed, there is an 80-85% chance of us having a successful pregnancy, and that it could definitely be causing me to miscarry. I know you think I should be thrilled with these numbers, but I’m not holding my breath.
Here’s why. She said that this removal procedure (not even sure what it is called yet, there are several ways to try and attack an adenomyoma, & I do not know which approach she will take) involves her ordering a “special tool” since it is not performed very often, and that there is a chance of damaging the uterus when trying to remove the adenomyoma. Sometimes the adenomyoma is not even a true mass, it simply mimics one. So it may be possible that it can’t even be removed at all. I know that I need an uterine MRI before, and that I will get more details, and answers to all of our gazillion questions, at the pre-op appointment scheduled later this month.
For now, what it boils down to is that I will be getting the operative hysteroscopy done under general anesthesia at the hospital (aka place of death) on May 1st; exactly 1 year to the day that I started miscarrying our 1st pregnancy, and 5 days prior to the delivery of our second.
In the meantime, we will be awaiting the results of the biopsy taken during the procedure yesterday. Those should come in sometime next week. We are praying for only good things. I keep asking God how much more he is going to give us. I had to take a drive last night just to clear my mind. I ended up sitting in the hospital parking lot. Do not ask me why. The place that I despise; the same place we rushed to for the 2nd miscarriage.
As I sat and cried, I started looking at all the hospital room windows from my car. I began thinking about all the patients inside. I realized it could be a lot worse. Some of them are dying. Someone out there is losing their mother or father. I felt bad that I was worried about my “mass.” I felt lousy for being such an emotional wreck. I went back home soon after.
Before the hysteroscopy, our reproductive endocrinologist (who did the procedure), along with my regular OB both stated that it was highly unlikely that the procedure would show anything wrong with my uterus…in fact they told us only 15% of miscarriages are due to uterine abnormalities. So once again, we defy the odds. Just like they assumed our last pregnancy loss was due to genetics (because of the “stats”) and it wasn’t.
Maybe this will be an answer to our prayers. I really do not know right now. All I know is that I am so very tired.