Despite everything we have been through, I must admit, I am still extremely nervous to get this hysteroscopy done today. I suppose it’s been a while since I have had a “first” so to speak. I know what to expect when I get a HSG, or a SIS, egg retrieval, transfer, or even a D & C unfortunately. However, I do not know what to expect with this hysteroscopy/biopsy business. Reading about it, or hearing how it was for someone else, isn’t the same. At least from my experience, it always seems to differ.
I’ve spent some time trying to put my finger on what else could be making me so nervous, other than it being a “first.” I know it can’t be the fact that I will only be in a twilight state, rather than completely knocked out. I was in a twilight for our first d & c and I survived (although being asleep is definitely preferred). Of course, I pray not to remember anything or feel any pain, just like any normal person would.
Perhaps, it’s the biopsy part that is freaking me out. Whenever I think of a biopsy, I think of someone who is being tested for cancer. I picture the doctor slicing off a piece of you, almost like a piece of meat. Sorry to be so graphic, but it’s the truth.
Or maybe I am just frightened because this is a last resort for us. There are no more tests to be done. This could be the missing piece to the puzzle, or so we hope. Honestly, my fear is probably a combination of all of the above. So, today, I will keep trying to remind myself of what my mom has always told me, “there is nothing to fear except fear itself.”