Why???

Why did we keep miscarrying was now the question on our minds 24/7.  I have always been one to ask the question, “why?” about everything and expect a clear answer.  I like to call myself a curious person, my husband likes to say I over think things. Probably a bit of both.

According to my mom, I have been asking why since I could speak.  I ask my students “why?” when they give me an answer, looking for an explanation to their reasoning. If a friend tells me a story, I ask why numerous times throughout it.  Annoying as it may sound, this is part of who I am.  I like to understand things thoroughly.  So not having the answer to our why was literally driving me insane.

And, how could we not be asking why at this point anyways? Here we were, 1 year, 3 pregnancies, and 5 embryos later (I won’t even say how many dollars) with no child.  We wanted some solid answers, dammit!  Was that too much to ask for?  I knew God had been teaching me patience throughout this whole process, something I never had before.  But now he was showing me I couldn’t always have an answer and be in control either.  When is enough, enough?

I was so sick of hearing how strong of a person I am.  Yes, I understand this is a compliment, and no harm is intended when saying it.   However, if this is what being strong in life gives you, then I didn’t want to be strong anymore.  Let me be a weakling I thought, so I don’t have to go through this anymore.

Since we were now officially labeled as “habitual aborters,” or “recurrent miscarriers” the doctor provided us with a RPL (recurrent pregnancy loss) handy-dandy fact sheet https://www.asrm.org/FACTSHEET_Recurrent_Pregnancy_Loss/  This list was put forth by the American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), who are the most well-known and well trusted “go to” source in the world of infertility.  If it applies to you, I highly recommend reading through it.

Here’s where we are in our investigation of the possible proven causes of recurrent miscarriage according to ASRM:

  • Chromosomal/genetic causes 
  • Age 
  • Hormonal abnormalities 
  • Metabolic abnormalities (we will be checking my insulin resistance levels tomorrow!)
  • Uterine abnormalities (SIS & HSG already done; hysteroscopy this week)
  • Antiphospholid syndrome  (was on Heparin last pregnancy)
  • Thrombophilias 
  • Male Factor (we know this is an issue, but doctor says it would be related to chromosomal, which was not the case)
  • Unexplained!!!

This leads us to believe we may officially fall into the dreaded, “unexplained” category within the next few weeks.  Don’t get me wrong, miscarriage is never easy anyway you slice it, but for us, it would be easier to identify a fixable cause rather than no cause at all.  This is despite the fact that statistically speaking (you know how I feel about stats), the ASRM says that 60%-70% of recurrent miscarriers, with unexplained miscarriage, will go on to have a normal pregnancy resulting in a live birth.

We are praying that the metabolic panel, and/or the hysteroscopy show something fixable.  But at the same time, we are well aware that they may not.  So the question then becomes, what do we do if we get no answers to our why?

why

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8 thoughts on “Why???

  1. I am so sorry for everything. I have miscarried thrice (one after seeing a beautiful heartbeat) and then had a successful live birth. So there is hope even if it sounds hollow right now.
    I addition to the above, we also did the following tests
    a)Karyotyping for both me and husband
    b)HLA matches – again me and my husband
    c)Anti ovarian antigen – for me.
    The a and c were all good for us, but b showed to be an issue, we have one match. To put it poorly, there are 6 specific markers and we have a match in one of them. So both my husband and I are AB and AB(hypothetically), and unless the child is a AA or BB, I will miscarry it because my body will consider it as cancerous and kill it. Harsh it sounds, but that is how the body is designed to work.
    I was pregnant recently and miscarried it again. I know what you mean when you say you want an answer, but hon, answers sometimes are harsh too and don’t help. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so sorry you went/are going through through this. Thank u so much for the info. What is HLA? Im not sure if we have done this or not. I know we did do the karotyping. Also, are the anti-ovarian antigens sometimes referred to as a, b, or c proteins? Is this a blood test? I have an order to get “proteins” drawn and wondering if its the same!! Again thank u.

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  2. I live in Canada. As part of the RPL panel, we do not do HLA and anti ovarian antigen. My poor understanding of HLA is that it is your genetic makeup. So both you and your husband will need to do it (and its fucking expensive. sorry potty mouth).
    Basically(and in very elementary science), if both you and your husband are genetically similar, the baby has a poor chance of survival because your body will think its cancer. The mothers body suppresses her immune system when the baby is conceived to help the baby survive and she does that by recognizing the baby as different based on the genetic markers. However, if she doesn’t find the difference, she thinks its cancer and goes ahead and kills it. The identifiers are these HLA markers. My husband and I share a marker. The treatment for this is highly controversial and emerging medicine.

    Anti ovarian antigen is to see if you have antibodies that hurt your ovary and make it produce poor eggs. This is also my poor understanding. after a point, I stopped trying to figure these things out because it just made the hurting worse.

    NK cells are different, these are killer cells that come in play at the time of implantation.

    With my successful pregnancy, it was just some good fun in the sack and tonnes of progesterone to help the baby. That’s it. I have PCOS, so my body doesn’t produce progesterone at all and even on vaginal progesterone it was not enough. I was finally on progesterone in oil. Sometimes lack of progesterone also causes miscarriages. We were to do an IVF, but this happened before the IVF. The miscarriage that happened last month was again a natural pregnancy. So far I have had 5 pregnancies, 2 IUI miscarriages, 2 natural miscarriage and 1 live baby.

    The whole crap is that there is never a definite answer, there are so many factors that come in to play with your body miscarries that each miscarriage is different and what all do you go treating?
    I hope you get the answers you are looking for, all I want to caution you is that be prepared to hear the answer. Sometimes that part is really tough and for us when we heard that the treatment is emergent, we didn’t know how to heal. You could read this post of mine

    https://hopingonhope.wordpress.com/2013/06/17/a-truck-full-of-crap-confusion-some-more/

    Liked by 1 person

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